Thursday, December 11, 2014
Kata - Kata Ajaib Dalam Promosi Yang Akan Meningkatkan Penjualan
Salah satu keahlian penting dalam sosial media marketing adalah copywriting, atau kemampuan memasarkan sebuah jasa atau produk dengan mempergunakan kalimat promosi yang menarik bagi calon pembeli. Saya tidak akan mengulas mengenai seni copywriting dalam artikel kali ini, namun saya akan mengulas mengenai 4 kata yang mampu meningkatkan kualitas sebuah promosi, anda tertarik? silahkan lanjutkan membaca.
Kalimat promosi yang meningkatkan penjualan
Secara psikologis, banyak orang percaya bahwa 4 kata berikut meningkatkan kualitas sebuah promosi
Anda
Mempergunakan kata anda dalam promosi yang anda buat seolah-olah saat itu anda tengah berbicara secara langsung dengan calon pembeli dipercaya dapat meningkatkan hubungan baik, meningkatkan kemungkinan interaksi antara anda dan penggemar, dan akhirnya meningkatkan efektifitas promosi yang anda buat.
Baru
Kata satu ini sering dipakai oleh perusahaan-perusahaan besar untuk mempromosikan produknya, salah satu contohnya adalah promosi iPhone5, New design, new technology, new iPhone.
Trend baru, handphone baru, produk baru, desain baru, dan banyak lagi kalimat yang bisa anda gunakan untuk meningkatkan promosi yang anda buat.
Gratis
Gratis ongkos kirim, dengan kalimat seperti itu pembeli seakan-akan diberitahu bahwa mereka dapat menghemat banyak dengan membeli produk anda walaupun nyatanya tidak, kata gratis merupakan salah satu kata yang paling banyak dipergunakan karena dipercaya paling ampuh meningkatkan penjualan
Bergaransi
Ini merupakan sebuah jaminan dan tambahan kepercayaan serta keyakinan bagi calon pembeli anda untuk memutuskan membeli. Menurut sebuah penelitian, banyak orang yang sebenarnya memiliki minat untuk membeli namun membatalkan niatnya tersebut karena rasa takut seperti takut produk yang mereka beli cepat rusak, takut produknya jelek dan lain sebagainya, dengan menambahkan kata bergaransi anda akan mampu meningkatkan keyakinan dan kepercayaan costumer terhadap produk yang anda tawarkan.
Kalimat promosi yang menarik
Sederhana namun memiliki daya tarik secara psikologis, 4 kata diatas sebaiknya mulai anda terapkan dalam promosi anda dan rasakan sendiri hasilnya.
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
How Your State of Mind Affects Your Performance
Don, a senior vice president for sales at a global manufacturing
company, wakes up late, scrambles to get showered and dressed, has an
argument with his teenage daughter over breakfast, then gets stuck in
traffic on the way to work and realizes he will be late for his first
meeting.
Donna, a marketing executive, wakes at 6 for a quick spin on the exercise bike, takes a moment to stretch and relax, then quickly gets herself ready, dresses and feeds her two kids before walking them to the bus, then catches the train to the office.
Which executive will have a more productive day at work?
That depends on whether Don—who’s had the more difficult morning—is able to manage his state of mind. For 20 years, we’ve worked with leaders in more than 30 countries and across diverse industries to help them understand how state of mind (that is, their moment-to-moment experience of life as generated by their thinking and as expressed by their feelings) can affect their leadership, and to help them manage their respective states of mind, rather than being managed by them.
Two years ago our organization launched a long-term global research initiative to provide quantitative data on the topic. We selected 18 states of mind and surveyed leaders around the world on how often they experience each one, the impact of each on their effectiveness and performance, and what they do to manage their states of mind. To date, we have surveyed and interviewed over 740 leaders.
Below is a chart that lists the percentage of leaders who reported experiencing each of the 18 states of mind often or regularly:
Of the 18 states of mind in the chart, it came as no surprise that 94% of respondents reported that Calm, Happy and Energized (CHE) are the three that drive the greatest levels of effectiveness and performance. As Giglio Del Borgo, a country manager at Experian explains: “If you are energized, without being necessarily too excited about things or euphoric, that energy will transmit into the people working around you.”
The chart clearly shows that most leaders seem able to access CHE states on a regular basis. However, Frustrated, Anxious, Tired and Stressed (FATS) states of mind were also relatively common. And we found that certain factors such as age, gender, organizational level, organizational tenure, span of influence, and type/size of organization, are correlated with similar states of mind, with lower states more prevalent in certain categories of people—including the young, the male, those with less tenure, and those operating at lower organizational levels.
Most leaders reported that FATS states often yield benefits in the short term but are detrimental in the long term – especially to relationships. They also report that it is difficult to shift out of these states of mind when they are consistently present in the organizational culture or environment. Davida Fedeli, a former vice-president of human resources for Western Union Europe, told us: “There were times during the change integration process when I was constantly feeling frustrated because I was second-guessing stakeholder expectations. [But] at the end of the day, I was not getting the results I wanted by continuously staying in that state of mind.”
The leaders who responded to our survey also reported that it is much harder to shift from below the line states of mind to above the line states of mind. As Jim Daniell, COO of Oxfam America, noted, “When you’re stressed and frustrated it is much harder to see the state of mind you are in, and unless you have clear strategies to be aware of it when you are in it and then shift it, you more than likely will cause serious harm to yourself and your organization.”
So how do leaders shift from lower states of mind to higher states of mind and improve their effectiveness and performance? And how can they help other people in their organizations who tend to default to lower states of mind do the same? We’ve consolidated the best practices into four categories:
Thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge your emotions to reduce their intensity. Allow your thoughts to be transient. Visualize positive images to generate positive feelings. Refocus your attention on different stimuli. Journal to find clarity. And engage in meaningful conversations to foster understanding and optimism.
Physiology. Use deep breathing to reduce stress. Stretch to loosen muscles, stimulate blood flow and improve cognitive function. And take breaks to clear the mind, relax the prefrontal cortex and increase contentment.
External environment. Adjust lighting and block noise to generate calm. Listen to music to stimulate reflection. Eliminate clutter to reduce anxiety and improve focus. And spend time in nature to shift perspective.
Health and well-being. Eat a well-balanced diet, stick to an exercise regimen and get adequate sleep to maintain your energy and balance.
Everything in the last category is a must-do. From the others, we recommend choosing the handful of practices that work best for you, then employing them together with consistency.
Don did just that. Realizing the state he was in, he took stock of his anxiety, engaged in deep breathing, visualized having a positive conversation with his daughter, and accepted that he would not change the traffic. He then began to explore how he would manage his lateness and his workload. His state of mind shifted and he felt clear for the first time that day.
Donna, a marketing executive, wakes at 6 for a quick spin on the exercise bike, takes a moment to stretch and relax, then quickly gets herself ready, dresses and feeds her two kids before walking them to the bus, then catches the train to the office.
Which executive will have a more productive day at work?
That depends on whether Don—who’s had the more difficult morning—is able to manage his state of mind. For 20 years, we’ve worked with leaders in more than 30 countries and across diverse industries to help them understand how state of mind (that is, their moment-to-moment experience of life as generated by their thinking and as expressed by their feelings) can affect their leadership, and to help them manage their respective states of mind, rather than being managed by them.
Two years ago our organization launched a long-term global research initiative to provide quantitative data on the topic. We selected 18 states of mind and surveyed leaders around the world on how often they experience each one, the impact of each on their effectiveness and performance, and what they do to manage their states of mind. To date, we have surveyed and interviewed over 740 leaders.
Below is a chart that lists the percentage of leaders who reported experiencing each of the 18 states of mind often or regularly:
Of the 18 states of mind in the chart, it came as no surprise that 94% of respondents reported that Calm, Happy and Energized (CHE) are the three that drive the greatest levels of effectiveness and performance. As Giglio Del Borgo, a country manager at Experian explains: “If you are energized, without being necessarily too excited about things or euphoric, that energy will transmit into the people working around you.”
The chart clearly shows that most leaders seem able to access CHE states on a regular basis. However, Frustrated, Anxious, Tired and Stressed (FATS) states of mind were also relatively common. And we found that certain factors such as age, gender, organizational level, organizational tenure, span of influence, and type/size of organization, are correlated with similar states of mind, with lower states more prevalent in certain categories of people—including the young, the male, those with less tenure, and those operating at lower organizational levels.
Most leaders reported that FATS states often yield benefits in the short term but are detrimental in the long term – especially to relationships. They also report that it is difficult to shift out of these states of mind when they are consistently present in the organizational culture or environment. Davida Fedeli, a former vice-president of human resources for Western Union Europe, told us: “There were times during the change integration process when I was constantly feeling frustrated because I was second-guessing stakeholder expectations. [But] at the end of the day, I was not getting the results I wanted by continuously staying in that state of mind.”
The leaders who responded to our survey also reported that it is much harder to shift from below the line states of mind to above the line states of mind. As Jim Daniell, COO of Oxfam America, noted, “When you’re stressed and frustrated it is much harder to see the state of mind you are in, and unless you have clear strategies to be aware of it when you are in it and then shift it, you more than likely will cause serious harm to yourself and your organization.”
So how do leaders shift from lower states of mind to higher states of mind and improve their effectiveness and performance? And how can they help other people in their organizations who tend to default to lower states of mind do the same? We’ve consolidated the best practices into four categories:
Thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge your emotions to reduce their intensity. Allow your thoughts to be transient. Visualize positive images to generate positive feelings. Refocus your attention on different stimuli. Journal to find clarity. And engage in meaningful conversations to foster understanding and optimism.
Physiology. Use deep breathing to reduce stress. Stretch to loosen muscles, stimulate blood flow and improve cognitive function. And take breaks to clear the mind, relax the prefrontal cortex and increase contentment.
External environment. Adjust lighting and block noise to generate calm. Listen to music to stimulate reflection. Eliminate clutter to reduce anxiety and improve focus. And spend time in nature to shift perspective.
Health and well-being. Eat a well-balanced diet, stick to an exercise regimen and get adequate sleep to maintain your energy and balance.
Everything in the last category is a must-do. From the others, we recommend choosing the handful of practices that work best for you, then employing them together with consistency.
Don did just that. Realizing the state he was in, he took stock of his anxiety, engaged in deep breathing, visualized having a positive conversation with his daughter, and accepted that he would not change the traffic. He then began to explore how he would manage his lateness and his workload. His state of mind shifted and he felt clear for the first time that day.
Sekolah Cuma 5 Jam, Tanpa PR & Ujian Nasional, Kenapa Pelajar di Finlandia Bisa Pintar?
Semasa sekolah dulu, rasanya mustahil kamu bisa dijuluki murid pintar
kalau dapat ranking bontot. Apalagi kalau gak lulus ujian nasional,
rasanya dunia selesai di titik itu. Ketatnya persaingan waktu sekolah
mungkin memang bertujuan supaya kitaa berlomba-lomba jadi lebih pintar.
Tapi tahukah kamu, negara dengan pendidikan terbaik dan murid terpintar
di dunia yaitu Finlandia justru melakukan hal yang sebaliknya?
Berbeda dengan kita yang harus menghadapi ujian nasional tiap mau naik jenjang sekolah, seumur-umur pelajar di Finlandia hanya menghadapi 1 ujian nasional ketika mereka berumur 16 tahun. Tidak hanya minim pekerjaan rumah, pelajar di Finlandia juga mendapatkan waktu istirahat hampir 3 kali lebih lama daripada pelajar di negara lain. Namun dengan sistem yang leluasa entah bagaimana mereka justru bisa belajar lebih baik dan jadi lebih pintar. Makanya kali ini Hipwee bakal mengulas habis rahasia Finlandia yang satu ini.
Orang tua jaman sekarang pasti udah rempong kalau mikir pendidikan anak. Anaknya belum genap 3 tahun aja udah ngantri dapat pre-school
bagus gara-gara takut kalau dari awal sekolahnya gak bagus, nantinya
susah dapat SD, SMP, atau SMA yang bagus. Di Finlandia tidak ada
kekhawatiran seperti itu. Bahkan menurut hukum, anak-anak baru boleh
mulai bersekolah ketika berumur 7 tahun.
Awal yang lebih telat jika dibandingkan negara-negara lain itu justru berasal dari pertimbangan mendalam terhadap kesiapan mental anak-anak untuk belajar. Mereka juga meyakini keutamaan bermain dalam belajar, berimajinasi, dan menemukan jawaban sendiri. Anak-anak di usia dini justru didorong untuk lebih banyak bermain dan bersosialisasi dengan teman sebaya. Bahkan penilaian tugas tidak diberikan hingga mereka kelas 4 SD. Hingga jenjang SMA pun, permainan interaktif masih mendominasi metode pembelajaran.
Pelajar di Finlandia sudah terbiasa menemukan sendiri cara pembelajaran yang paling efektif bagi mereka, jadi nantinya mereka tidak harus merasa terpaksa untuk belajar. Maka dari itu meskipun mulai telat, tapi pelajar umur 15 di Finlandia justru berhasil mengungguli pelajar lain dari seluruh dunia dalam tes internasional Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA). Itu membuktikan faedah dan efektivitas sistem pendidikan di Finlandia.
Tahukah kamu bahwa untuk setiap 45 menit siswa di Finlandia belajar,
mereka berhak mendapatkan rehat selama 15 menit? Orang-orang Finlandia
meyakini bahwa kemampuan terbaik siswa untuk menyerap ilmu baru yang
diajarkan justru akan datang, jika mereka memilliki kesempatan
mengistirahatkan otak dan membangun fokus baru. Mereka juga jadi lebih
produktif di jam-jam belajar karena mengerti bahwa toh sebentar lagi
mereka akan dapat kembali bermain.
Di samping meningkatkan kemampuan fokus di atas, memiliki jam istirahat yang lebih panjang di sekolah juga sebenarnya memiliki manfaat kesehatan. Mereka jadi lebih aktif bergerak dan bermain, tidak hanya duduk di kelas. Bagus juga kan jika tidak membiasakan anak-anak dari kecil untuk terlalu banyak duduk.
Satu lagi faktor yang membuat orang tua di Finlandia gak usah
pusing-pusing milih sekolah yang bagus untuk anaknya, karena semua
sekolah di Finland itu sama bagusnya. Dan yang lebih penting lagi, sama
gratisnya. Sistem pendidikan di Finlandia dibangun atas dasar
kesetaraan. Bukan memberi subsidi pada mereka yang membutuhkan, tapi
menyediakan pendidikan gratis dan berkualitas untuk semua.
Reformasi pendidikan yang dimulai pada tahun 1970-an tersebut merancang sistem kepercayaan yang meniadakan evaluasi atau ranking sekolah sehingga antara sekolah gak perlu merasa berkompetisi. Sekolah swasta pun diatur dengan peraturan ketat untuk tidak membebankan biaya tinggi kepada siswa. Saking bagusnya sekolah-sekolah negeri di sana, hanya terdapat segelintir sekolah swasta yang biasanya juga berdiri karena basis agama.
Tidak berhenti dengan biaya pendidikan gratis, pemerintah Finlandia juga menyediakan fasilitas pendukung proses pembelajaran seperti makan siang, biaya kesehatan, dan angkutan sekolah secara cuma-cuma. Memang sih sistem seperti ini mungkin berjalan karena kemapanan perekonomian Finlandia. Tapi jika memahami sentralnya peran pendidikan dalam membentuk masa depan bangsa, seharusnya semua negara juga berinvestasi besar untuk pendidikan. Asal gak akhirnya dikorupsi aja sih.
Disamping kesetaraan fasilitas dan sokongan dana yang mengucur dari
pemerintah, penopang utama dari kualitas merata yang ditemukan di semua
sekolah di Finlandia adalah mutu guru-gurunya yang setinggi langit. Guru
adalah salah satu pekerjaan paling bergengsi di Finlandia. Pendapatan
guru di Finlandia pun lebih dari dua kali lipat dari guru di Amerika
Serikat.Tidak peduli jenjang SD atau SMA, semua guru di Finlandia
diwajibkan memegang gelar master yang disubsidi penuh oleh pemerintah
dan memiliki tesis yang sudah dipublikasi.
Finlandia memahami bahwa guru adalah orang yang paling berpengaruh dalam meningkatkan mutu pendidikan generasi masa depannya. Maka dari itu, Finlandia berinvestasi besar-besaran untuk meningkatkan mutu tenaga pengajarnya. Tidak saja kualitas, pemerintah Finlandia juga memastikan ada cukup guru untuk pembelajaran intensif yang optimal. Ada 1 guru untuk 12 siswa di Finlandia, rasio yang jauh lebih tinggi daripada negara-negara lain. Jadi guru bisa memberikan perhatian khusus untuk tiap anak, gak cuma berdiri di depan kelas.
Jika Indonesia ingin semaju Finlandia dalam urusan pendidikan, guru-guru kita selayaknya juga harus mendapatkan sokongan sebagus ini. Kalau perhatian kita ke guru kurang, kenapa kita menuntut mereka harus memberikan yang terbaik dalam proses pembelajaran? Tidak adil ‘kan?
Kredibilitas dan mutu tenaga pengajar yang tinggi memungkinkan
pemerintah menyerahkan tanggung jawab membentuk kurikulum dan evaluasi
pembelajaran langsung kepada mereka. Hanya terdapat garis pedoman
nasional longgar yang harus diikuti. Ujian nasional pun tidak
diperlukan. Pemerintah meyakini bahwa guru adalah orang yang paling
mengerti kurikulum dan cara penilaian terbaik yang paling sesuai dengan
siswa-siswa mereka.
Diversitas siswa seperti keberagaman tingkatan sosial atau latar belakang kultur biasanya jadi tantangan sendiri dalam menyeleraskan mutu pendidikan. Bisa jadi gara-gara fleksibilitas dalam sistem pendidikan Finlandia itu, semua diversitas justru bisa difasilitasi. Jadi dengan caranya sendiri-sendiri, siswa-siswa yang berbeda ini bisa mengembangkan potensinya secara maksimal.
Tidak hanya jam istirahat yang lebih panjang, jam sekolah di
Finlandia juga relatif lebih pendek dibandingkan negara-negara lain.
Siswa-siswa SD di Finlandia kebanyakan hanya berada di sekolah selama
4-5 jam per hari. Siswa SMP dan SMA pun mengikuti sistem layaknya
kuliah. Mereka hanya akan datang pada jadwal pelajaran yang mereka
pilih. Mereka tidak datang merasa terpaksa tapi karena pilihan mereka.
Pendeknya jam belajar justru mendorong mereka untuk lebih produktif. Biasanya pada awal semester, guru-guru justru menyuruh mereka untuk menentukan target atau aktivitas pembelajaran sendiri. Jadi ketika masuk kelas, mereka tidak sekedar tahu dan siap tapi juga tidak sabar untuk memulai proyeknya sendiri.
Upaya pemerintah meningkatkan mutu sekolah dan guru secara seragam di
Finlandia pada akhirnya berujung pada harapan bahwa semua siswa di
Finlandia dapat jadi pintar. Tanpa terkecuali. Maka dari itu, mereka
tidak mempercayai sistem ranking atau kompetisi yang pada akhirnya hanya
akan menghasilkan ‘sejumlah siswa pintar’ dan ‘sejumlah siswa bodoh’.
Walaupun ada bantuan khusus untuk siswa yang merasa butuh, tapi mereka tetap ditempatkan dalam kelas dan program yang sama. Tidak ada juga program akselerasi. Pembelajaran di sekolah berlangsung secara kolaboratif. Bahkan anak dari kelas-kelas berbeda pun sering bertemu untuk kelas campuran. Strategi itu terbukti berhasil karena saat ini Finlandia adalah negara dengan kesenjangan pendidikan terkecil di dunia.
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Berbeda dengan kita yang harus menghadapi ujian nasional tiap mau naik jenjang sekolah, seumur-umur pelajar di Finlandia hanya menghadapi 1 ujian nasional ketika mereka berumur 16 tahun. Tidak hanya minim pekerjaan rumah, pelajar di Finlandia juga mendapatkan waktu istirahat hampir 3 kali lebih lama daripada pelajar di negara lain. Namun dengan sistem yang leluasa entah bagaimana mereka justru bisa belajar lebih baik dan jadi lebih pintar. Makanya kali ini Hipwee bakal mengulas habis rahasia Finlandia yang satu ini.
1. Di Finlandia, Anak-Anak Baru Boleh Bersekolah Setelah Berusia 7 Tahun
beri kesempatan mereka untuk belajar dengan caranya sendiri
Awal yang lebih telat jika dibandingkan negara-negara lain itu justru berasal dari pertimbangan mendalam terhadap kesiapan mental anak-anak untuk belajar. Mereka juga meyakini keutamaan bermain dalam belajar, berimajinasi, dan menemukan jawaban sendiri. Anak-anak di usia dini justru didorong untuk lebih banyak bermain dan bersosialisasi dengan teman sebaya. Bahkan penilaian tugas tidak diberikan hingga mereka kelas 4 SD. Hingga jenjang SMA pun, permainan interaktif masih mendominasi metode pembelajaran.
Pelajar di Finlandia sudah terbiasa menemukan sendiri cara pembelajaran yang paling efektif bagi mereka, jadi nantinya mereka tidak harus merasa terpaksa untuk belajar. Maka dari itu meskipun mulai telat, tapi pelajar umur 15 di Finlandia justru berhasil mengungguli pelajar lain dari seluruh dunia dalam tes internasional Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA). Itu membuktikan faedah dan efektivitas sistem pendidikan di Finlandia.
2. Cara Belajar Ala Finlandia: 45 Menit Belajar, 15 Menit Istirahat
Cara belajar ala FInlandia: banyak istirahat!
Di samping meningkatkan kemampuan fokus di atas, memiliki jam istirahat yang lebih panjang di sekolah juga sebenarnya memiliki manfaat kesehatan. Mereka jadi lebih aktif bergerak dan bermain, tidak hanya duduk di kelas. Bagus juga kan jika tidak membiasakan anak-anak dari kecil untuk terlalu banyak duduk.
3. Semua Sekolah Negeri Di Finlandia Bebas Dari Biaya. Sekolah Swasta pun Diatur Secara Ketat Agar Tetap Terjangkau
Gak
mungkin konsen belajar kalau perut kosong. Finlandia adalah negara
pertama dengan program makan siang gratis untuk semua siswa
Reformasi pendidikan yang dimulai pada tahun 1970-an tersebut merancang sistem kepercayaan yang meniadakan evaluasi atau ranking sekolah sehingga antara sekolah gak perlu merasa berkompetisi. Sekolah swasta pun diatur dengan peraturan ketat untuk tidak membebankan biaya tinggi kepada siswa. Saking bagusnya sekolah-sekolah negeri di sana, hanya terdapat segelintir sekolah swasta yang biasanya juga berdiri karena basis agama.
Tidak berhenti dengan biaya pendidikan gratis, pemerintah Finlandia juga menyediakan fasilitas pendukung proses pembelajaran seperti makan siang, biaya kesehatan, dan angkutan sekolah secara cuma-cuma. Memang sih sistem seperti ini mungkin berjalan karena kemapanan perekonomian Finlandia. Tapi jika memahami sentralnya peran pendidikan dalam membentuk masa depan bangsa, seharusnya semua negara juga berinvestasi besar untuk pendidikan. Asal gak akhirnya dikorupsi aja sih.
4. Semua Guru Di Finlandia Dibiayai Pemerintah Untuk Meraih Gelar Master. Gaji Mereka Juga Termasuk Dalam Jajaran Pendapatan Paling Tinggi di Finlandia.
Profesional S2 yang dibayar tinggi
Finlandia memahami bahwa guru adalah orang yang paling berpengaruh dalam meningkatkan mutu pendidikan generasi masa depannya. Maka dari itu, Finlandia berinvestasi besar-besaran untuk meningkatkan mutu tenaga pengajarnya. Tidak saja kualitas, pemerintah Finlandia juga memastikan ada cukup guru untuk pembelajaran intensif yang optimal. Ada 1 guru untuk 12 siswa di Finlandia, rasio yang jauh lebih tinggi daripada negara-negara lain. Jadi guru bisa memberikan perhatian khusus untuk tiap anak, gak cuma berdiri di depan kelas.
Jika Indonesia ingin semaju Finlandia dalam urusan pendidikan, guru-guru kita selayaknya juga harus mendapatkan sokongan sebagus ini. Kalau perhatian kita ke guru kurang, kenapa kita menuntut mereka harus memberikan yang terbaik dalam proses pembelajaran? Tidak adil ‘kan?
5. Guru Dianggap Paling Tahu Bagaimana Cara Mengevaluasi Murid-Muridnya. Karena Itu, Ujian Nasional Tidaklah Perlu.
Guru yang selalu mendampingi tahu yang dibutuhkan siswanya
Diversitas siswa seperti keberagaman tingkatan sosial atau latar belakang kultur biasanya jadi tantangan sendiri dalam menyeleraskan mutu pendidikan. Bisa jadi gara-gara fleksibilitas dalam sistem pendidikan Finlandia itu, semua diversitas justru bisa difasilitasi. Jadi dengan caranya sendiri-sendiri, siswa-siswa yang berbeda ini bisa mengembangkan potensinya secara maksimal.
6. Siswa SD-SMP di Finlandia Cuma Sekolah 4-5 Jam/hari. Buat Siswa SMP dan SMA, Sistem Pendidikan Mereka Sudah Seperti Di Bangku Kuliah
Belajar karena pingin pasti hasilnya lebih efektif
Pendeknya jam belajar justru mendorong mereka untuk lebih produktif. Biasanya pada awal semester, guru-guru justru menyuruh mereka untuk menentukan target atau aktivitas pembelajaran sendiri. Jadi ketika masuk kelas, mereka tidak sekedar tahu dan siap tapi juga tidak sabar untuk memulai proyeknya sendiri.
7. Gak Ada Sistem Ranking di Sekolah. Finlandia Percaya Bahwa Semua Murid Itu Seharusnya Ranking 1
Gak ada yang putus sekolah
Walaupun ada bantuan khusus untuk siswa yang merasa butuh, tapi mereka tetap ditempatkan dalam kelas dan program yang sama. Tidak ada juga program akselerasi. Pembelajaran di sekolah berlangsung secara kolaboratif. Bahkan anak dari kelas-kelas berbeda pun sering bertemu untuk kelas campuran. Strategi itu terbukti berhasil karena saat ini Finlandia adalah negara dengan kesenjangan pendidikan terkecil di dunia.
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Saturday, December 6, 2014
Steps to Building Great Business Relationships
It was the early 1990s, the week between Christmas and New Year’s. I
was working as a sales rep for a prominent software company. Making the
rounds of my Wall Street clients, I wished them happy holidays and
thanked them for their business.
As I was leaving an appointment with the CIO of a very large investment bank, I shook his hand and wished him a Happy New Year. He stopped me and went back to his desk, took out a piece of paper and handed it to me. It was an order signed by the CEO dramatically increasing their purchase of our software and renewing their contract six months early.
I was stunned. I hadn’t been looking to make this sale—really, there was no reason for him to reorder this early. But as his sales rep, this was spectacular news: As at many companies, my employer used “multipliers” at year-end to encourage reps to sell more, so I would make a lot more money making this sale in late December than in June.
I thanked him profusely. And as I walked back to my office, I thought about why he did it. How did he convince his boss they should renew well before they had to? What was his rationale to his boss for buying so much more?
Eventually it dawned on me that after years having a solid relationship with me, he’d taken an emotional stake in my success. He went out of his way and used precious political capital to help me out even when I hadn’t asked him to. If I had asked for this it is quite likely it would not have happened and may even have damaged our relationship.
To me, this is the defining attribute of a great business relationship: when each party has an emotional stake in the other’s success. This reciprocal relationship is common in our personal lives—in most families, we can expect our parents and siblings to have that, as well as some close friends. But for a business associate who was a stranger only two years ago, how did we reach this point?
I reflected on this and other business relationships that were similar. I looked backwards to see what was different about them. In the process, I identified five steps that lead to someone having an emotional stake in my professional success:
First, and somewhat obviously, they must like you. You can’t move very far in any relationship without this basic prerequisite. Being likable or not seems binary, but there are ways to make yourself more likable. You can also go about specifically trying to accomplish getting people to like you more. Go out of your way to be friendly and helpful.
Second, they must respect you professionally. They must look with admiration at how you do your work, how you behave, and how treat others. Specifically, are you competent? Are your professional? Do you follow up? Are you among the best at what you do? Work hard at getting them to respect you.
Third, they need to admire your “whole person”—not just who you are at work. This only happens as your relationship begins to migrate outside the workplace. Maybe you’ll attend a ballgame together, or go to a concert or dinner, often one on one. You’ll spend quality time learning about each other. Over time, as you get to know people better, other aspects of their life become part of the conversation. Are you active in church or charity? Do you volunteer? If you have children, how much time do you spend with them? Are you living a life worthy of others’ respect? Once this step has been accomplished, the other person will be genuinely happy and interested to hear of your success and accomplishments. There will be no resentment or jealously.
Fourth, your lives start to mingle more deeply. As this happens, it becomes natural to invite spouses, significant others, and children to your out of office interactions–things like cookouts, hikes, boating, etc. You’re spending quality time together really getting to know each other—and a friendship is really budding. At this stage, not only are they happy for your success, but they are willing to actively contribute to it. They may provide a job reference, invite you to an important conference, or set up a meeting with a peer of theirs at another company. At your initiative, they burn some political capital, happily, to help you out.
Fifth, you maintain the intensity of the relationship, over time, even after the business relationship is no longer necessary. Consistency and longevity are key. This is where lots of people fall off—once the business benefit disappears, they can’t “find time,” and the relationship fades away. After all the work they put in the relationship, just as it’s about to becomes the most valuable, they turn the dial down or off.
I’d gone through all of these steps with the investment bank CIO, and that’s why he’d sought approval to make a big year-end order well ahead of schedule. It’s also why, even after I left that sales rep job, we kept in close touch. Years later, he attended a family wedding. More than 20 years after that holiday order, I wrote a reference for his son’s business school application.
Good relationships and trust are the lubricants of a successful career and a well-rounded life. But it’s important not to pursue relationships cynically. Just as you need to get people to like you, these relationships are only really worth pursuing with people you genuinely like. There are enough people out there are really likable to not have to fake it. Jim Dougherty
As I was leaving an appointment with the CIO of a very large investment bank, I shook his hand and wished him a Happy New Year. He stopped me and went back to his desk, took out a piece of paper and handed it to me. It was an order signed by the CEO dramatically increasing their purchase of our software and renewing their contract six months early.
I was stunned. I hadn’t been looking to make this sale—really, there was no reason for him to reorder this early. But as his sales rep, this was spectacular news: As at many companies, my employer used “multipliers” at year-end to encourage reps to sell more, so I would make a lot more money making this sale in late December than in June.
I thanked him profusely. And as I walked back to my office, I thought about why he did it. How did he convince his boss they should renew well before they had to? What was his rationale to his boss for buying so much more?
Eventually it dawned on me that after years having a solid relationship with me, he’d taken an emotional stake in my success. He went out of his way and used precious political capital to help me out even when I hadn’t asked him to. If I had asked for this it is quite likely it would not have happened and may even have damaged our relationship.
To me, this is the defining attribute of a great business relationship: when each party has an emotional stake in the other’s success. This reciprocal relationship is common in our personal lives—in most families, we can expect our parents and siblings to have that, as well as some close friends. But for a business associate who was a stranger only two years ago, how did we reach this point?
I reflected on this and other business relationships that were similar. I looked backwards to see what was different about them. In the process, I identified five steps that lead to someone having an emotional stake in my professional success:
First, and somewhat obviously, they must like you. You can’t move very far in any relationship without this basic prerequisite. Being likable or not seems binary, but there are ways to make yourself more likable. You can also go about specifically trying to accomplish getting people to like you more. Go out of your way to be friendly and helpful.
Second, they must respect you professionally. They must look with admiration at how you do your work, how you behave, and how treat others. Specifically, are you competent? Are your professional? Do you follow up? Are you among the best at what you do? Work hard at getting them to respect you.
Third, they need to admire your “whole person”—not just who you are at work. This only happens as your relationship begins to migrate outside the workplace. Maybe you’ll attend a ballgame together, or go to a concert or dinner, often one on one. You’ll spend quality time learning about each other. Over time, as you get to know people better, other aspects of their life become part of the conversation. Are you active in church or charity? Do you volunteer? If you have children, how much time do you spend with them? Are you living a life worthy of others’ respect? Once this step has been accomplished, the other person will be genuinely happy and interested to hear of your success and accomplishments. There will be no resentment or jealously.
Fourth, your lives start to mingle more deeply. As this happens, it becomes natural to invite spouses, significant others, and children to your out of office interactions–things like cookouts, hikes, boating, etc. You’re spending quality time together really getting to know each other—and a friendship is really budding. At this stage, not only are they happy for your success, but they are willing to actively contribute to it. They may provide a job reference, invite you to an important conference, or set up a meeting with a peer of theirs at another company. At your initiative, they burn some political capital, happily, to help you out.
Fifth, you maintain the intensity of the relationship, over time, even after the business relationship is no longer necessary. Consistency and longevity are key. This is where lots of people fall off—once the business benefit disappears, they can’t “find time,” and the relationship fades away. After all the work they put in the relationship, just as it’s about to becomes the most valuable, they turn the dial down or off.
I’d gone through all of these steps with the investment bank CIO, and that’s why he’d sought approval to make a big year-end order well ahead of schedule. It’s also why, even after I left that sales rep job, we kept in close touch. Years later, he attended a family wedding. More than 20 years after that holiday order, I wrote a reference for his son’s business school application.
Good relationships and trust are the lubricants of a successful career and a well-rounded life. But it’s important not to pursue relationships cynically. Just as you need to get people to like you, these relationships are only really worth pursuing with people you genuinely like. There are enough people out there are really likable to not have to fake it. Jim Dougherty
Gross Signs You’ve Reached Peak Comfort Levels In Your Relationship
When we begin a relationship, we try to be the best version of ourselves. We’re always clean, always shaven and never discuss anything that doesn’t work to enhance the dynamic and cultivate closeness: family, lifelong goals, deepest secrets or what we did during the day.
Nothing creates intimacy, however, like an accidental fart or a severely unshaven vagina.
Nothing makes you realize how much you love your boyfriend or girlfriend than when their gross morning breath somehow isn’t that gross, or when weight gain in particularly unattractive places doesn’t make you cringe.
We’re all human, and we can’t sustain this level of perfection that we all strive to attain in the beginning of our relationships. Eventually, the stuff we worked so hard to keep hidden comes out — literally.
Here’s how you know the love is real.
1. There’s no demanding need to shave.
The beauty of a comfortable relationship is that you only need to shave if you want to. There’s no longer that weird pressure to do so to impress someone.
Sure, lots of us shave for ourselves and not for the pleasure of a man, but long winter months make even the most uptight of ladies lazy.
The last thing any girl wants to do in the winter is spend time in the shower shaving off the scruff keeping her legs and ladybits warm; it just gives the bottom half of her body even more goosebumps on the walk out of the shower.
I mean, is there anything worse than having to emerge from the coziness of a steaming shower when it’s 30 degrees outside? Don’t make it worse by forcing her to remove her natural blanket.
Also, any boyfriend would be a total jerk if he dumped his girlfriend just because she didn’t shave for a month. What if she was just prepping the area for the landing strip she’s crafting for you for your birthday? You’d never know.
2. You fart in front of each other.
Surprise! With a booty comes a bootyhole.
Girls especially like to pretend they don’t fart. They probably spend the first six-to-18 months of a relationship convincing their boyfriends that the only holes they have are their mouths and ladybits.
But one night, you will take her to get Mexican food for your anniversary, you will be having sex and press on her stomach weirdly, or she will be unsuccessful in yet another attempt at trying to hide and blame you for one of the many SBDs she does in front of you — and the inevitable will occur.
Just laugh, OK? There’s no turning back now. You both fart.
3. Poop is discussed in any capacity.
Nobody likes talking about pooping. That kind of talk is reserved for your health-conscious mother when she asks if you’re eating enough fiber, with your doctor at a check-up, and with your closest friends during chats about everyone’s varying levels of constipation.
A new milestone in any relationship is reached when someone mentions his or her bowels, so you know you’ve hit peak comfort level with your boyfriend when you can discuss how much you have to sh*t.
This, along with number 2, is another reminder that girls are human. The guy who wrote that “Everyone Poops” book is a damn genius.
4. Period talk, especially the non-judgmental kind, is acceptable.
Sometimes, it’s necessary.
A girl suffers more than just the obvious bleeding for five days straight when she gets her period. She may become more irritable, impatient, emotional and in need of random foods.
Maybe she doesn’t feel like having sex with you, or maybe her sex drive is out of control. Maybe she looks a little bloated in her crop top. Maybe, mid-hookup, it comes out. In all of these cases, period talk will happen.
A good relationship knows the two key components of acceptable period talk: what kind (if it involves the prospect of period sex or a need for complaining) and when to do it (only if she brings it up — which means never, ever, ask “Jesus, are you on your period?” after a heated conversation).
If conversations about periods occur without your boyfriend wanting to jump off a cliff, consider your relationship golden.
5. You pee with the door open.
If you’re in the middle of a crucial conversation, why end it just because one of you has to pee? Just leave the door open a crack, continue with that thought and let it out. Or, if you’re getting ready to go in the shower together, just sit on the toilet and go.
Before the first time this happens, you’ll probably ask if you could, and your partner will probably give you a nervous, hasty, “Uh, yeah, that’s fine.”
But soon, it won’t matter, and you’ll both get used to the sound.
6. You let him pee in the shower when you shower together.
Girls find the phenomenon of “peeing while standing” incredibly foreign and strange, and they like to keep the idea of showering with you as sexy as possible. Considering these two major thought processes, if she lets you pee in the shower while she’s in it with you, it’s a pretty big deal.
Of course, you’d better turn the f*ck around and make sure she doesn’t actually see anything. Also, for the love of God, make sure it goes in the direction of the drain.
7. Morning breath doesn’t gross you out.
I find it interesting how often people avoid discussing the unsexy parts of a post-hookup sleepover: the smudged makeup that reveals nasty blemishes, the obnoxious snoring, how impossible it is to actually fall asleep and stay asleep, the eye crusties and the morning breath.
Oh, that morning breath.
After a sufficient amount of sleepovers with your significant other, you’ve definitely caught a whiff of their rancid halitosis.
Those luxurious early hours of pre-teeth-brushing morning sex will inevitably begin with traces of putrid breath, especially if your partner is someone who still wears a retainer to sleep.
Soon, however, either you will get used to said morning breath (after all, morning sex involves making out and swapping your morning breath with your partner’s) or you’ll be able to ignore it. Either way, power to you and your relationship.
8. A new hobby involves popping pimples and blackheads.
Girls receive a sick pleasure out of popping pimples and blackheads. They love any kind of beauty routine that promises cleanliness and purity, even if the process is painful.
The ordeal involves washing their face thoroughly, pressing a hot wash cloth onto the face to open pores, and grabbing the nearest silver popping tool. Then, the squeezing begins.
It’s the best.
This kind of event is enjoyable for girls because it is their face, and because all dirt and gunk and whatnot that emerges is from their own bodies.
However, if your girlfriend offers to pop your pimples — that is, willingly come face-to-face with your dirt and gunk — take it as a sign that she finds even the grossest parts of you appealing and worthy of your touch. That’s huge.
9. Sicknesses don’t make kissing off-limits.
He’s oozing boogers. She’s got crusty Pink Eye. You hear the phlegm in his lungs when he coughs. She just puked. But nothing stops you from being with your partner and wanting to take care of him/her — and maybe even get physical.
Sick significant others will likely say things like, “No, I look really gross, stop,” or “There is no way I look cute right now,” to try to prevent you from seeing them (or to guilt you into disagreeing with their self-deprecations and bringing them soup), but you will dispute them.
Even with snot seeping from her nose and dark circles under his eyes, your boyfriend or girlfriend is just as appealing as he or she is in black tie attire.
At least, that’s what you’d better say.
10. Weight gain isn’t a big deal.
In this media-driven, image-obsessed world, we all strive to have the best bodies. Men stuff their faces with protein, women eat carrots, and everyone kills themselves at the gym.
These strategies are effective for the beginning of a relationship, but once you’re deep in one, laziness inevitably sets in.
When you’re in a relationship, you may notice changes in your significant other’s body overtime.
Maybe your arm sits differently on their waist, maybe you notice a pooch forming when you’re naked, or maybe you find you need to buy a bigger sized shirt than last year for this year’s Christmas present.
But weight doesn’t matter. You still remember them exactly how they were when you first met, and you still love them with the extra pounds.
11. Despite all of this, you actually still find your significant other sexy.
This is not a matter of simply tolerating these gross things; it’s a matter of still thinking your partner is incredibly hot regardless of them.
The poops, the weight, the sicknesses, the pimples — nothing can stop your heart from beating and your sexual drive from climbing.
Ten minutes ago, your boyfriend literally Dutch-ovened you with his farts, and now your bra is off and you’re ready to pounce him. How is this possible?
This truly must be what love is.
Nothing creates intimacy, however, like an accidental fart or a severely unshaven vagina.
Nothing makes you realize how much you love your boyfriend or girlfriend than when their gross morning breath somehow isn’t that gross, or when weight gain in particularly unattractive places doesn’t make you cringe.
We’re all human, and we can’t sustain this level of perfection that we all strive to attain in the beginning of our relationships. Eventually, the stuff we worked so hard to keep hidden comes out — literally.
Here’s how you know the love is real.
1. There’s no demanding need to shave.
The beauty of a comfortable relationship is that you only need to shave if you want to. There’s no longer that weird pressure to do so to impress someone.
Sure, lots of us shave for ourselves and not for the pleasure of a man, but long winter months make even the most uptight of ladies lazy.
The last thing any girl wants to do in the winter is spend time in the shower shaving off the scruff keeping her legs and ladybits warm; it just gives the bottom half of her body even more goosebumps on the walk out of the shower.
I mean, is there anything worse than having to emerge from the coziness of a steaming shower when it’s 30 degrees outside? Don’t make it worse by forcing her to remove her natural blanket.
Also, any boyfriend would be a total jerk if he dumped his girlfriend just because she didn’t shave for a month. What if she was just prepping the area for the landing strip she’s crafting for you for your birthday? You’d never know.
2. You fart in front of each other.
Surprise! With a booty comes a bootyhole.
Girls especially like to pretend they don’t fart. They probably spend the first six-to-18 months of a relationship convincing their boyfriends that the only holes they have are their mouths and ladybits.
But one night, you will take her to get Mexican food for your anniversary, you will be having sex and press on her stomach weirdly, or she will be unsuccessful in yet another attempt at trying to hide and blame you for one of the many SBDs she does in front of you — and the inevitable will occur.
Just laugh, OK? There’s no turning back now. You both fart.
3. Poop is discussed in any capacity.
Nobody likes talking about pooping. That kind of talk is reserved for your health-conscious mother when she asks if you’re eating enough fiber, with your doctor at a check-up, and with your closest friends during chats about everyone’s varying levels of constipation.
A new milestone in any relationship is reached when someone mentions his or her bowels, so you know you’ve hit peak comfort level with your boyfriend when you can discuss how much you have to sh*t.
This, along with number 2, is another reminder that girls are human. The guy who wrote that “Everyone Poops” book is a damn genius.
4. Period talk, especially the non-judgmental kind, is acceptable.
Sometimes, it’s necessary.
A girl suffers more than just the obvious bleeding for five days straight when she gets her period. She may become more irritable, impatient, emotional and in need of random foods.
Maybe she doesn’t feel like having sex with you, or maybe her sex drive is out of control. Maybe she looks a little bloated in her crop top. Maybe, mid-hookup, it comes out. In all of these cases, period talk will happen.
A good relationship knows the two key components of acceptable period talk: what kind (if it involves the prospect of period sex or a need for complaining) and when to do it (only if she brings it up — which means never, ever, ask “Jesus, are you on your period?” after a heated conversation).
If conversations about periods occur without your boyfriend wanting to jump off a cliff, consider your relationship golden.
5. You pee with the door open.
If you’re in the middle of a crucial conversation, why end it just because one of you has to pee? Just leave the door open a crack, continue with that thought and let it out. Or, if you’re getting ready to go in the shower together, just sit on the toilet and go.
Before the first time this happens, you’ll probably ask if you could, and your partner will probably give you a nervous, hasty, “Uh, yeah, that’s fine.”
But soon, it won’t matter, and you’ll both get used to the sound.
6. You let him pee in the shower when you shower together.
Girls find the phenomenon of “peeing while standing” incredibly foreign and strange, and they like to keep the idea of showering with you as sexy as possible. Considering these two major thought processes, if she lets you pee in the shower while she’s in it with you, it’s a pretty big deal.
Of course, you’d better turn the f*ck around and make sure she doesn’t actually see anything. Also, for the love of God, make sure it goes in the direction of the drain.
7. Morning breath doesn’t gross you out.
I find it interesting how often people avoid discussing the unsexy parts of a post-hookup sleepover: the smudged makeup that reveals nasty blemishes, the obnoxious snoring, how impossible it is to actually fall asleep and stay asleep, the eye crusties and the morning breath.
Oh, that morning breath.
After a sufficient amount of sleepovers with your significant other, you’ve definitely caught a whiff of their rancid halitosis.
Those luxurious early hours of pre-teeth-brushing morning sex will inevitably begin with traces of putrid breath, especially if your partner is someone who still wears a retainer to sleep.
Soon, however, either you will get used to said morning breath (after all, morning sex involves making out and swapping your morning breath with your partner’s) or you’ll be able to ignore it. Either way, power to you and your relationship.
8. A new hobby involves popping pimples and blackheads.
Girls receive a sick pleasure out of popping pimples and blackheads. They love any kind of beauty routine that promises cleanliness and purity, even if the process is painful.
The ordeal involves washing their face thoroughly, pressing a hot wash cloth onto the face to open pores, and grabbing the nearest silver popping tool. Then, the squeezing begins.
It’s the best.
This kind of event is enjoyable for girls because it is their face, and because all dirt and gunk and whatnot that emerges is from their own bodies.
However, if your girlfriend offers to pop your pimples — that is, willingly come face-to-face with your dirt and gunk — take it as a sign that she finds even the grossest parts of you appealing and worthy of your touch. That’s huge.
9. Sicknesses don’t make kissing off-limits.
He’s oozing boogers. She’s got crusty Pink Eye. You hear the phlegm in his lungs when he coughs. She just puked. But nothing stops you from being with your partner and wanting to take care of him/her — and maybe even get physical.
Sick significant others will likely say things like, “No, I look really gross, stop,” or “There is no way I look cute right now,” to try to prevent you from seeing them (or to guilt you into disagreeing with their self-deprecations and bringing them soup), but you will dispute them.
Even with snot seeping from her nose and dark circles under his eyes, your boyfriend or girlfriend is just as appealing as he or she is in black tie attire.
At least, that’s what you’d better say.
10. Weight gain isn’t a big deal.
In this media-driven, image-obsessed world, we all strive to have the best bodies. Men stuff their faces with protein, women eat carrots, and everyone kills themselves at the gym.
These strategies are effective for the beginning of a relationship, but once you’re deep in one, laziness inevitably sets in.
When you’re in a relationship, you may notice changes in your significant other’s body overtime.
Maybe your arm sits differently on their waist, maybe you notice a pooch forming when you’re naked, or maybe you find you need to buy a bigger sized shirt than last year for this year’s Christmas present.
But weight doesn’t matter. You still remember them exactly how they were when you first met, and you still love them with the extra pounds.
11. Despite all of this, you actually still find your significant other sexy.
This is not a matter of simply tolerating these gross things; it’s a matter of still thinking your partner is incredibly hot regardless of them.
The poops, the weight, the sicknesses, the pimples — nothing can stop your heart from beating and your sexual drive from climbing.
Ten minutes ago, your boyfriend literally Dutch-ovened you with his farts, and now your bra is off and you’re ready to pounce him. How is this possible?
This truly must be what love is.
Science Of Self-Destruction: 8 Personality Traits That Will Kill You
The relationship between mortality and one’s own personality is far from a new one.
Before all else, the Greek monk Evagrius Ponticus, in 375 AD, emphasized the dangers of certain human temptations and the subsequent sin that’s bound to follow.
Naturally, it didn’t prove long before the Catholic Church caught on (some 200 years later), and we saw the revised, recycled version – equipped with a catchy new billing: the Seven Deadly Sins.
And while most people might be familiar with the Seven Deadly Sins – or, at the very least, the name – they’re also usually misinformed by that title. The Seven Deadly Sins aren’t actually “sins” at all, but rather specific personality traits that provoke further evils.
A more fitting title would really be “The Seven Deadly Personality Traits That Cause One To Sin,” and according to recent article in NY Mag, there seems to be more than seven of them.
As reported by Melissa Dahl, certain personality traits can seemingly affect a person’s mortality. On the one hand, she explains, people who are conscientious are more inclined to live longer.
On the other hand, neuroticism – general emotional instability, as described by Dahl – correlates to an earlier death.
According to Dahl, the difficulty with drawing any connections from one’s own personality is that most people can’t accurately gauge their own personality.
This is why Donald Sterling doesn’t seem to think he’s all that prejudiced, and – judging by her Twitter feed – Amanda Bynes doesn’t believe she’s crazy, whatsoever.
That said, while we might be somewhat blind to the depths of our own personalities, our friends usually aren’t.
Making use of a study conducted by the Association for Psychological Science, Dahl provides a potential loophole to the aforementioned difficulty.
In consonance with Wray Herbert of the APS, asking the people closest to a particular subject, such as their friends, can often lead to more practical observations about a person’s personality, and subsequently, their own mortality.
By unmasking the different personality traits that comprise general mental instability, or neuroticism, and recognizing their existence in the ones near and dear to us, we can all play a role in our friends’ mortalities by pointing them out (and hoping they change).
I mean, it’s a stretch – but science supports the cause. Anyway, I’ve assembled the eight personality traits, which I felt best represented mental instability, and thereupon could truly be considered “deadly.”
Keep an eye out for them. If you see something, say something. Your own friends lives – or life spans, at any rate – might be hanging in the balance.
Greed
It’s fine to want things. That hunger can be used as the driving force force for you to do a lot of great things. Having said that, though, there’s a fine line between ambition and greed.
With greed, that hunger for things, and then more things, just never appears to be quenched. Greed is unsatisfying, and has a tendency to blind people.
Apathy
Apathy is the opposite of passion, and it’s one of the most dangerous qualities to possess. Apathy is the anti-dream; it’s a lack of motivation.
Choosing to be apathetic in a world full of such marvelous things is simply wasteful, on the most grandiose scale.
Pettiness
Pettiness hinders progress; it burns bridges. It’s impossible to focus on the bigger things ahead in life when you can’t shake off the smaller sh*t along the way.
The thing is, petty people aren’t necessarily bad people at all, they just have their perspective skewed. There are certain things to worry about, and fuss about, and then there are other things that we all must let roll off our chests.
Jealousy
Jealousy is one of the most unappealing aspects of anyone’s personality. The thing about jealousy, however, is that it comes from a place of admiration.
I wouldn’t be “jealous” of LeBron James’ basketball skills if he weren’t the best basketball player in the world.
The problem with jealousy is that, often times, instead of striving to attain something for one’s own self, jealousy just exits the body in the form of hate.
Entitlement
Entitlement is the flip side of empathy. It’s difficult to be aware of the issues around of you — especially when you’re too caught up being above it all.
Entitlement doesn’t allow room for hard work, and, you know something? That’s a shame. Some of the most impactful feelings in life come from reaping the rewards of your hard labor.
Hatred
Racial hatred. Gender-based hatred. Class hatred. Age hatred. Any type of hatred, really. In my mind, hatred never comes from a place of logic, but rather, ignorance.
Much of the time, people will hate something without truly knowing it – like a toddler who hates vegetables until his teenage years, when he actually tries a piece of broccoli for the first time.
Closed-minded thinking
Being closed-minded is only going to limit the person possessing that quality. It will limit the choices they make, experiences they encounter and knowledge they acquire.
Ultimately, closed-minded thinking comes from a place of fear, or hubris, and both of these sources can be overcome by simply letting yourself try new things.
Pessimism
At the end of the day, pessimism will hold you back. Never anticipate failure, it will only prevent you from chasing dreams, taking risks and being your natural self.
Failure is unavoidable; trust me, you don’t necessarily have to wait up for it. But by being pessimistic, all you’re really doing is creating negative energy when it probably isn’t even needed – at least not yet.
Try and see the glass half full, and if you can’t, look for ways you can fill it up more.
17 Quotes From Disney Movies That Offer Timeless Wisdom
It’s probably safe to say that everyone has at least one fond memory of watching a Disney movie as a child. If you were lucky enough, your parents fulfilled your dreams by taking you to Disneyland.
Indeed, Walt Disney always intended on creating a world in which the imaginations of children could roam free.
Beyond entertaining people, however, Disney movies are also quite profound in their own way. They often offer advice that is applicable in all periods of life.
Thus, in honor of Walt Disney’s day of birth, here are 17 quotes from Disney movies that offer timeless wisdom:
1. “Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or… learn from it.” – Rafiki from “The Lion King”
Life is full of ups and downs. It’s often difficult to avoid dwelling on the past, but in the process, we miss out on the present.
As the Buddha once said, “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
Focus on the now, and you will find peace and contentment.
2. “Just keep swimming.” – Dory from “Finding Nemo”
Go with the flow, don’t try to swim against the current. Change is perpetual, embrace it. We will all face obstacles in life, the only way to respond is to keep moving forward.
3. “Tell her the truth!” – Genie from “Aladdin”
Honesty is the best policy. Don’t dig yourself into a hole with lies. Tell the truth from the start, it makes things much easier in the long run.
4. “Hakuna matata.” – Timon and Pumbaa from “The Lion King”
Embrace the “no worries” mentality. This does not mean that you shouldn’t care about anything. Rather, don’t stress over the little things.
Concentrate on the big picture and enjoy every moment that you’re alive and breathing.
5. “The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.” – The Emperor of China from “Mulan”
It is through struggle that champions are molded. The challenges of life make us stronger in the long run.
Stay positive, and when things are bad, remember that nothing is permanent.
6. “Look for the bare necessities. The simple bare necessities. Forget about your worries and your strife.” – Baloo from The Jungle Book
Insurmountable joy can be found in the simplest of things. Dissatisfaction in life is a product of not appreciating what you already have.
Remember that things could always be worse. Count your blessings.
7. “You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” – Christopher Robin from “Winnie the Pooh”
Everyone has the capacity to accomplish great things. We all have worth. Don’t allow other people to fill you with self-doubt. No one is perfect.
Every person has good and bad qualities. Concentrate on your strengths, not your weaknesses.
8. “I’m only brave when I have to be. Being brave doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble.” – Mufasa from “The Lion King”
Don’t spend your life trying to prove yourself to others. Voluntarily placing yourself in a difficult situation can be admirable in certain circumstances, but also very stupid in others.
In the words of the great, late, Nelson Mandela, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
Being afraid is a natural human emotion, and an instinct that helps us survive. It is nothing to be ashamed of.
9. “Family means no one gets left behind” – Lilo from “Lilo and Stitch”
The most important thing in life is the relationships we cultivate. Friends might come and go, but family is forever. At the same time, family doesn’t necessarily mean those you are tied to by blood.
Simply put, cherish those who are close to you, keep them by your side and always have their back.
10. “Children have got to be free to lead their own lives.” – Sebastian from “The Little Mermaid”
Some of us might end up being parents one day, and it’s important to remember that we can’t teach children everything. Independence is key to personal growth.
We must also remain cognizant of this in our personal lives as adults. Follow your own path, make your own mistakes. Don’t let others dictate your perceptions of the world.
11. “Think of the happiest things. It’s the same as having wings. – Peter Pan from “Peter Pan”
Focus on the good, not the bad. Bob Marley once stated, “You just can’t live that negative way. If you know what I mean. Make way for the positive day.”
Remain unapologetically optimistic. Every single day is a gift, and another chance to turn things around.
12. “Even miracles take a little time.” – Fairy Godmother from “Cinderella”
You can’t rush a good thing. Nothing that’s worth it comes easily. Patience in life is key.
If you truly desire something, then you have to be willing to put the work in to acquire it.
13. “A true hero isn’t measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart.” – Zeus from “Hercules”
People come in all shapes and sizes, but appearances are superficial. Ultimately, what really matters is the way that we treat others.
Be kind, gentle and caring. We only get one shot at life, it would be a shame to fill it with cruelty.
14. “To infinity and beyond!” – Buzz Lightyear from “Toy Story”
Don’t place limits on yourself or box yourself in. The saddest people in the world are those who placed self-imposed constraints on their dreams as a consequence of fear or comfort.
Say no to doubt and yes to possibility. Don’t settle if you’re not fulfilled.
15. “Remember, laughter is 10 times more powerful than screams.” – Mike Wazowski from “Monster’s Inc.”
The world can be a decidedly frightening place at times. Instead of allowing fear and worry to consume you, laugh at the absurdity of it all. A simple smile can change a person’s entire day, show off those pearly whites.
16. “Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts.” – Merchant in “Aladdin”
We’ve all heard the saying, “don’t judge a book by its cover.” Well, it happens to be great advice.
Some of the most remarkable people in the world might appear ordinary, but we can never really judge someone until we get to know them.
17. “You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.” – Alice Kingsley in “Alice in Wonderland”
We’re all a little crazy. We all have anxieties, insecurities, fears and quirks. It’s what makes a person unique.
Society may tell you that vulnerability is unacceptable, but it’s also human nature. Don’t fight it, own it. Eccentricity is what makes the world such a beautiful, random and dynamic place.
Indeed, Walt Disney always intended on creating a world in which the imaginations of children could roam free.
Beyond entertaining people, however, Disney movies are also quite profound in their own way. They often offer advice that is applicable in all periods of life.
Thus, in honor of Walt Disney’s day of birth, here are 17 quotes from Disney movies that offer timeless wisdom:
1. “Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or… learn from it.” – Rafiki from “The Lion King”
Life is full of ups and downs. It’s often difficult to avoid dwelling on the past, but in the process, we miss out on the present.
As the Buddha once said, “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
Focus on the now, and you will find peace and contentment.
2. “Just keep swimming.” – Dory from “Finding Nemo”
Go with the flow, don’t try to swim against the current. Change is perpetual, embrace it. We will all face obstacles in life, the only way to respond is to keep moving forward.
3. “Tell her the truth!” – Genie from “Aladdin”
Honesty is the best policy. Don’t dig yourself into a hole with lies. Tell the truth from the start, it makes things much easier in the long run.
4. “Hakuna matata.” – Timon and Pumbaa from “The Lion King”
Embrace the “no worries” mentality. This does not mean that you shouldn’t care about anything. Rather, don’t stress over the little things.
Concentrate on the big picture and enjoy every moment that you’re alive and breathing.
5. “The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.” – The Emperor of China from “Mulan”
It is through struggle that champions are molded. The challenges of life make us stronger in the long run.
Stay positive, and when things are bad, remember that nothing is permanent.
6. “Look for the bare necessities. The simple bare necessities. Forget about your worries and your strife.” – Baloo from The Jungle Book
Insurmountable joy can be found in the simplest of things. Dissatisfaction in life is a product of not appreciating what you already have.
Remember that things could always be worse. Count your blessings.
7. “You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” – Christopher Robin from “Winnie the Pooh”
Everyone has the capacity to accomplish great things. We all have worth. Don’t allow other people to fill you with self-doubt. No one is perfect.
Every person has good and bad qualities. Concentrate on your strengths, not your weaknesses.
8. “I’m only brave when I have to be. Being brave doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble.” – Mufasa from “The Lion King”
Don’t spend your life trying to prove yourself to others. Voluntarily placing yourself in a difficult situation can be admirable in certain circumstances, but also very stupid in others.
In the words of the great, late, Nelson Mandela, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
Being afraid is a natural human emotion, and an instinct that helps us survive. It is nothing to be ashamed of.
9. “Family means no one gets left behind” – Lilo from “Lilo and Stitch”
The most important thing in life is the relationships we cultivate. Friends might come and go, but family is forever. At the same time, family doesn’t necessarily mean those you are tied to by blood.
Simply put, cherish those who are close to you, keep them by your side and always have their back.
10. “Children have got to be free to lead their own lives.” – Sebastian from “The Little Mermaid”
Some of us might end up being parents one day, and it’s important to remember that we can’t teach children everything. Independence is key to personal growth.
We must also remain cognizant of this in our personal lives as adults. Follow your own path, make your own mistakes. Don’t let others dictate your perceptions of the world.
11. “Think of the happiest things. It’s the same as having wings. – Peter Pan from “Peter Pan”
Focus on the good, not the bad. Bob Marley once stated, “You just can’t live that negative way. If you know what I mean. Make way for the positive day.”
Remain unapologetically optimistic. Every single day is a gift, and another chance to turn things around.
12. “Even miracles take a little time.” – Fairy Godmother from “Cinderella”
You can’t rush a good thing. Nothing that’s worth it comes easily. Patience in life is key.
If you truly desire something, then you have to be willing to put the work in to acquire it.
13. “A true hero isn’t measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart.” – Zeus from “Hercules”
People come in all shapes and sizes, but appearances are superficial. Ultimately, what really matters is the way that we treat others.
Be kind, gentle and caring. We only get one shot at life, it would be a shame to fill it with cruelty.
14. “To infinity and beyond!” – Buzz Lightyear from “Toy Story”
Don’t place limits on yourself or box yourself in. The saddest people in the world are those who placed self-imposed constraints on their dreams as a consequence of fear or comfort.
Say no to doubt and yes to possibility. Don’t settle if you’re not fulfilled.
15. “Remember, laughter is 10 times more powerful than screams.” – Mike Wazowski from “Monster’s Inc.”
The world can be a decidedly frightening place at times. Instead of allowing fear and worry to consume you, laugh at the absurdity of it all. A simple smile can change a person’s entire day, show off those pearly whites.
16. “Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts.” – Merchant in “Aladdin”
We’ve all heard the saying, “don’t judge a book by its cover.” Well, it happens to be great advice.
Some of the most remarkable people in the world might appear ordinary, but we can never really judge someone until we get to know them.
17. “You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.” – Alice Kingsley in “Alice in Wonderland”
We’re all a little crazy. We all have anxieties, insecurities, fears and quirks. It’s what makes a person unique.
Society may tell you that vulnerability is unacceptable, but it’s also human nature. Don’t fight it, own it. Eccentricity is what makes the world such a beautiful, random and dynamic place.
Reasons Why Independence Is The Best Way To Help Your Relationship
Isn’t it easy to become lost in a soul?
When we fall in love, it can seem like our partners’ happiness and the dedication we give to them jumps the line of becoming one of our top priorities.
Still, it’s so important to remember the other areas of our lives that fill us with meaning, happiness and love.
If you lose or let go of those parts of your life, you may become dependent on the happiness that your partner provides, which is a dangerously unhealthy situation that often develops in relationships.
The most successful relationships occur when two people form a bond that allows them to grow independently by each other’s side, finding new passions and dreams while admiring and encouraging each other’s individual pursuits. Here’s why:
1. Independence is the most important trait in a lifelong partnership.
Communication, trust, honesty, loyalty: These are some of the common answers people have when asked about the most important part of any relationship.
It is true that all of these things are necessary in a healthy partnership, but independence is one of the most underrated traits in a love that spans decades and lasts lifetimes.
Individuality is crucial in life; if you do not experience your own love, happiness and success, you are never truly alive. Any relationship we develop with any person on this Earth — even the love of our lives — will end before the relationship we have with ourselves.
It’s necessary to make the relationship we have with ourselves more important than the ones we develop with our loves.
2. You have more to contribute to someone else when you are whole.
The feeling of being whole — feeling comfortable as your own unique self — is an incredible, beautiful and powerful tool we can use to improve our lives, as well as the lives of our loved ones.
Think of it like this: You have a beautiful, full pitcher of homemade lemonade. You pour a tall, ice-cold glass for yourself and the sweet drink reaches the brim. Now, you’re able to share this with others.
It may seem selfish at first, but by ensuring your own happiness and doing whatever is necessary to make yourself happy, you will then be able to do the same for the people around you.
You’ll be able to boost someone else’s happiness because your underlying positivity will glow on the people you love and support.
3. Exploring your own interests keeps relationships flourishing.
When we try out new hobbies, like picking up new instruments or trying new sports, an immediate sense of excitement and adrenaline take over.
Trying new things on your own can be nerve-racking and uncomfortable, especially if you are used to doing everything with your partner or a friend.
However, when you remove yourself from your comfort zone and engage in a completely new task, you are left to your own devices. It feels amazing to know that you’re capable of constantly learning new things and perfecting them.
The surprise of getting good at something out of nowhere — dancing, writing or any interests you may develop –, will be sure to turn your partner onto you, as you are continuing to pick up new talents and improving yourself.
4. Focusing on yourself helps you and your partner go further in life.
Becoming dependent on each other also means we are less dependent on ourselves. It becomes more difficult to engage in our own daily activities with confidence and assertion.
Sometimes, we lose our own direction because we are so focused on someone else’s. This is a pitfall for both partners because they are then bound to each other for all the wrong reasons, and other areas of their lives will begin to show this degradation.
However, everything is different for people who put themselves as priorities before anything else. These people remain go-getters, even in very serious, time-consuming relationships. They remember to devote time to their careers, their own personal friendships and their own interests.
When two of these kinds of people come together in a relationship, the union only enhances their lives as they continue to grow in their paths.
5. Relying less on others and having zero expectations equates to happiness.
If we are able to completely depend on ourselves, we can focus more on creating happiness and self-love.
With no scapegoats to blame for issues that occur in our lives, we shift our concentration from getting angry or sad to improving our lives and finding our passions.
If two people can independently head into a relationship, prepared to handle life’s many obstacles by themselves, having a partner is not a necessity; rather, it is a gift. Your partner is supposed to support you, encourage you and watch you grow — not do it for you.
6. You are the director of your emotions.
The most important thing to remember in order to be happy every single day is to maintain your core happiness — the part of yourself nobody can touch except for you.
There should always be a deeper part of your consciousness that understands most of the negative feelings we experience daily are temporary. Nobody should be able to alter our inner cores.
We can maintain this core happiness by devoting time to our own interests, exploring new passions and hobbies and also protecting it from outside influence.
Not even our partners should be able to affect this part of ourselves because it allows us to remove the negative feelings and remember that, above all else, we are capable of being happy.
Remembering and maintaining your own happiness will make fights with your partner less extreme and easier to handle — not to mention, other situations you will experience inside or outside of your relationship.
7. It’s a cliché, but it’s true: Self-love is vital before loving anyone else.
We’ve all heard the saying before: “You can’t love anyone before you love yourself.” Well, the reason we’ve heard it from parents, friends and bad Lifetime movies is because it is incredibly true.
Outward love is much more difficult to achieve if you don’t love your life inwardly. We can’t commit to a relationship before the relationship we have with ourselves is strong and flourishing.
And, just like a relationship with your beau, you may not think you know yourself 100 percent.
Sometimes, we can feel confused about who we are, where we’re headed or whom we’re becoming. But, that is the whole point of life, isn’t it? To experience each moment, to create ourselves and to live each day as if it could be the last? These are the things that will foster love within ourselves.
When you never live the same day twice, your mind is happy and constantly expanding.
Why Love Will Not Find You When You Stop Looking
-- You will find love when you stop looking.--
If you’ve ever been single and looking, someone has probably uttered these words in your direction: “You just have to stop looking.” Well, that sounds like some bullsh*t to me.
Are they saying that if I sit on my couch, binge-watch “The Wire” and order take-out, the man of my dreams will magically appear? It’s so easy, right? All you have to do is stop looking, find some hobbies, grab a drink with your girls and the love of your life will appear.
Okay, maybe it’s not that easy. Self-help books will tell you that if you stop looking and concentrate on yourself, love will appear. It’s about the laws of attraction.
If you’re happy, you will attract happiness; if you’re desperate, you’ll attract the desperate. There is some truth to that, but the advice doesn’t consider the full picture.
Why does “looking” automatically make you “desperate?” And, when have you ever found something when you stopped looking for it or working for it? Did that promotion appear when you stopped looking for it? Did you find that perfect apartment with that awesome view when you stopped looking for it?
The unexpected does happen, but when we look at the odds, they are always in your favor when you work toward a goal.
So, let’s look at the bigger picture. Those self-help books are right about some things. You should find happiness within yourself. You should have passion that fulfills you. You should be complete and whole, since someone else will never complete you.
Being “the one” will help you attract the right one. I preach that to my clients every day and wholeheartedly believe that self-love, passion and happiness attract others to you.
Becoming more attractive because you exude these qualities is one thing, but finding love doesn’t end there. That’s just where it begins. You still have to seek out potential partners and date them with purpose.
Dating with purpose is where most of us fail in love. We’re too busy being too cool to tell the people we date what we want. Playing cool and coy won’t get you that promotion at work and it certainly won’t get you love in your life. You have to work for it.
I was single for eight years and not looking for love. Guess what, guys? It didn’t find me. Once I decided I wanted a relationship, I approached it as aggressively as I would any other goal I’ve ever had and conquered. I worked on self-love and finding someone to love simultaneously.
I created a vision for myself as an individual and as a couple. Creating a vision meant answering some questions about what a relationship and love would mean to me.
How do I balance love with my career and friends? What value does being in a relationship with me bring to someone else? How do I communicate that vision to a potential partner?
My vision was as thought-out as any marketing presentation I would have shown a potential client, and just as my clients would, men bought in.
There I was, this happy and fulfilled woman, who wanted travel, adventure, family, a home filled with traditions and love with a partner who, with me, would create an amazing life worth sharing.
Once I could speak about this vision for my life with purpose, passion and certainty, love did find me. It found me because I sought it out. It found me because I didn’t give up. It found me because I invited love into my life.
Don’t stop looking for love — just look for it differently.
It Takes A Hell Of A Lot More Than Love To Make A Relationship Last
I love wine, but it destroys my liver. I love pizza, but it makes my hips wider. I love him, but he makes me cry.
There are lessons we all wish we would never have to learn and one of them is that sometimes, we can fall in love with someone who is no good for us, someone who doesn’t belong in our lives.
Between Disney, Jane Austen and Nicholas Sparks, you might start to think that love could accomplish anything; that it could cure the sick, change the past and save the world. Unfortunately, in real life, this just isn’t so.
When we love a person, we don’t want to see his or her faults. We are inclined to forgive even the most egregious of crimes against us; in fact, we even begin to make excuses for them. He had a bad day, so it’s okay that he is treating me this way.
She is tired, so its okay that she never helps out. He didn’t mean to cheat on me — he just had a weak moment — a bunch of weak moments. I love them, so I’ll try to forgive them.
I once loved a boy who made me cry more than he made me smile. He was charismatic and could make me laugh. He was strong on the outside and mush on the inside.
We never saw eye to eye, but we definitely felt heart to heart. But, even though I loved him with every fiber of my being, we still lost everything. In the beginning, I thought I could fight for us forever, that our love was worth any cost.
But as time went by, I learned that there was a cost I couldn’t afford to pay. Three years later, I packed my bags and left, knowing that I had to stop loving him more than I loved myself.
The cycle of being hurt by someone and then forgiving wares on you until eventually, there is nothing left to ware. There will be good days when you will feel truly happy with each other.
But, are they worth all of the bad days? Can you wake up again and handle the uncertainty? The possibility that today could be another bad day?
There are a finite number of days that we all have to live, to love, to make our dreams come true. Time is not to be wasted crying in our pillows at the hands of anyone, especially someone who says that he or she loves us.
You may love drugs, but they could still kill you — it’s time to stop taking them before its too late.
The last thing you want is to wake up in five, 10 or 20 years only to realize that you can’t do it anymore; that you cant take another bad day. You could have spent those years being happy, chasing your dreams, having a successful career, loving someone who could love you back without hurting you.
Love is a wonderful, powerful thing, but at the end of the day, loving someone won’t change the fact that the person is a toxic component to your life. Breaking up and moving on is scary.
There will always be the fear that this love is it, that we will never find anything or anyone to make us feel the same way. But, we must be strong enough to know that we will be okay, that we cant stay with a person just because we love them.
Being in love is not enough to make a relationship work or last; it takes more than that. It takes trust and communication and empathy. It takes two people who are willing to give more than they take every day.
- Chelsea Lameira
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
25 Ways to Say "I Love You" Without Saying a Word
Recently, on a cross-country flight, my husband and I were seated on
opposite sides of the aisle. Several times, he leaned toward me to ask,
"Would you like a bite of my sandwich?" "Can I get you some water?" Once
he offered to share the last bite of his cookie. A while later, he
reached over and put his hand my arm, just to say, "Hi."
At the end of the flight the woman next to me said, "Your husband really loves you. I can tell."
And she's right. He does.
As couples, we express love through our everyday actions -- our gestures of kindness, our generosity, our attention, our touch.
We say, "Drive safely." "Take an umbrella." We kiss each other goodnight.
And our spouse hears,"I love you," in a way that touches more deeply than words.
We all have our favorite ways to show love. Here are some of mine:
1. Do the stuff neither of you wants to do. Someone has to call the plumber, resolve the mystery charge on the credit card, figure out what in the refrigerator is making that smell. Go ahead. Be the one.
2. Cut your partner some slack. We all forget things, lose things, or screw things up. Why rub it in?
3. Flirt. You're never too old or married too long to make it clear that the two of you have still got it going on.
4. Be patient. Like it or not, sometimes you just have to wait. Skip the eye roll or foot tapping that says, what took you so long? Take a few deep breaths. Relax.
5. Pay attention. As in full-on and undivided. Not every minute of every day, but show up when it counts.
6. Clean up, above and beyond the call of duty. Not your dirty cup? Who cares?
7. Keep two feet in, especially when things are difficult. Commitment is about staying with your challenges long enough to make things better.
8. Let down your guard. Vulnerability and intimacy are one and the same.
9. Receive and acknowledge your partner's acts of love. The happiest couples are those who notice and respond when their partner reaches out. A thanks or a smile is all that it takes.
10. Stop a fight in its tracks. One of the most loving things you can do is stay calm when your spouse is getting worked-up.
11. Look for the humor in those less-than-endearing behaviors. What's not to love about someone who second guesses the GPS?
12. Leave enough gas in the car, enough hot water for a shower, enough milk for coffee.
13. Make dinner. You don't have to be Julia Child. Simple is fine. Just give it your best shot.
14. Hug back. Kiss back. Smile.
15. Give your partner some space. Space to watch the ballgame in peace. Space to go for a run, call a friend, or curl up with a book.
16. Be willing to sleep with the window open a little more than you like.
17. Be willing to sleep with the window closed a little more than you like.
18. Stay in touch. You're busy. I'm busy. No one is too busy to text xoxo.
19. Your spouse wants to go back to graduate school, eat more fruits and vegetables, train for a marathon. Your response: that's great!
20. Be the first one to reach out after a fight. Don't think for a minute that the first person to give ground is admitting fault. Marriage isn't a game of chicken. It takes courage and kindness to yield.
21. Choose -- at least once in a while -- not to elbow your snoring spouse. Chances are you'll eventually snore, too.
22. Make your relationship a priority. Marriage doesn't stay sweet all on its own, year after year. Have a date night, a weekend getaway, keep work hours within bounds. And for goodness sake, when you're together, turn off your phone.
23. Think your spouse deserves a standing ovation? Tell someone how talented, smart, loving, gracious she is. How patient he is with the kids. How he makes the world's best pie crust. Make sure he overhears you.
24. Do what it takes to stay healthy and sane.
25. Keep in mind that life is short. Don't waste time holding grudges or focusing on petty upsets that, in the big picture, mean nothing. Focus, instead, on the ways that your marriage is loving and good.
At the end of the flight the woman next to me said, "Your husband really loves you. I can tell."
And she's right. He does.
As couples, we express love through our everyday actions -- our gestures of kindness, our generosity, our attention, our touch.
We say, "Drive safely." "Take an umbrella." We kiss each other goodnight.
And our spouse hears,"I love you," in a way that touches more deeply than words.
We all have our favorite ways to show love. Here are some of mine:
1. Do the stuff neither of you wants to do. Someone has to call the plumber, resolve the mystery charge on the credit card, figure out what in the refrigerator is making that smell. Go ahead. Be the one.
2. Cut your partner some slack. We all forget things, lose things, or screw things up. Why rub it in?
3. Flirt. You're never too old or married too long to make it clear that the two of you have still got it going on.
4. Be patient. Like it or not, sometimes you just have to wait. Skip the eye roll or foot tapping that says, what took you so long? Take a few deep breaths. Relax.
5. Pay attention. As in full-on and undivided. Not every minute of every day, but show up when it counts.
6. Clean up, above and beyond the call of duty. Not your dirty cup? Who cares?
7. Keep two feet in, especially when things are difficult. Commitment is about staying with your challenges long enough to make things better.
8. Let down your guard. Vulnerability and intimacy are one and the same.
9. Receive and acknowledge your partner's acts of love. The happiest couples are those who notice and respond when their partner reaches out. A thanks or a smile is all that it takes.
10. Stop a fight in its tracks. One of the most loving things you can do is stay calm when your spouse is getting worked-up.
11. Look for the humor in those less-than-endearing behaviors. What's not to love about someone who second guesses the GPS?
12. Leave enough gas in the car, enough hot water for a shower, enough milk for coffee.
13. Make dinner. You don't have to be Julia Child. Simple is fine. Just give it your best shot.
14. Hug back. Kiss back. Smile.
15. Give your partner some space. Space to watch the ballgame in peace. Space to go for a run, call a friend, or curl up with a book.
16. Be willing to sleep with the window open a little more than you like.
17. Be willing to sleep with the window closed a little more than you like.
18. Stay in touch. You're busy. I'm busy. No one is too busy to text xoxo.
19. Your spouse wants to go back to graduate school, eat more fruits and vegetables, train for a marathon. Your response: that's great!
20. Be the first one to reach out after a fight. Don't think for a minute that the first person to give ground is admitting fault. Marriage isn't a game of chicken. It takes courage and kindness to yield.
21. Choose -- at least once in a while -- not to elbow your snoring spouse. Chances are you'll eventually snore, too.
22. Make your relationship a priority. Marriage doesn't stay sweet all on its own, year after year. Have a date night, a weekend getaway, keep work hours within bounds. And for goodness sake, when you're together, turn off your phone.
23. Think your spouse deserves a standing ovation? Tell someone how talented, smart, loving, gracious she is. How patient he is with the kids. How he makes the world's best pie crust. Make sure he overhears you.
24. Do what it takes to stay healthy and sane.
25. Keep in mind that life is short. Don't waste time holding grudges or focusing on petty upsets that, in the big picture, mean nothing. Focus, instead, on the ways that your marriage is loving and good.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Monday, October 27, 2014
Ways in Removing Acne Naturally
A smooth, blemish-free skin has become the dream of all young women, which they can show off to everyone. However, acne plagues millions of people of all ages and can leave the acne scars on the affected area.
Acne scars are actually a post-inflammatory change, which have a serious effect on a person's self-esteem and emotional state. The following recommended natural remedies may give you fast relief for acne scars.
White Sugar
After cleansing, rub a little white sugar on your palm. Add some water to prevent stimulating the sensitive skin. Then rub it over your face for 1 minute. Rinse with clean water. Do it 3 times a day.
As far as medicine is concerned, sugar is beneficial for wound-healing. It is recommended to wash your face with white sugar every day. In a week, your skin will be white and smooth again. In addition, it is also effective in treating acne scars. Persist and you will achieve great results than you might think. For some people it is really a cheap and easy way to deal with skin conditions.
Seaweed Mask
Go and buy a bag of seaweed pellet mask in a cosmetic store. Add some clean water to 20 grams of seaweed pellets to make a face mask. Apply it to your face for 10 minutes. Rinse with clean water and then apply some face cream. Do it every two days.
This facial mask has proved to be highly effective in eliminating acne scars and will leave your skin feeling incredibly smooth and silky. It only costs you about 5 yuan for the seaweed pellets, and a bag of pellets can be used for 8 times.
Vitamin C Mask
Crush 500 mg of Vitamin C tablets in mineral water. Soak the mask paper into the water. Apply it to your skin and leave it on for 1 minute.
Experts said that 500 mg tablets is enough, and this is a simple and practical mask to clear up acne and its scars.
Carrot
Crush fresh or cooked carrots into a paste. Add degreasing dissolving powders. Stir until it gets thick. Apply the paste to your face till it dries up. Rinse with clean water. To date, carrot is accepted to be an amazing food to fade and heal scars.
Aloe Vera and Phosphatide
Take 1/4 cup of aloe vera juice and a spoon of phosphatide powders. Mix them together and stir evenly. Apply the paste to the scars for at least 15 minutes. Do it once a day.
Some researches have shown that aloe vera produces positive medicinal benefits for healing damaged skin, while phosphatide can resume the situation of decrease of skin laying rapidly and maintain the reasonable balance of moisture to the skin.
Dermatologists suggest that early acne treatment is the best way to prevent acne scars. But if you have scarring from acne, the above are some fast and easy methods being used for fast removal of acne scars.Tapioca + Egg White
Tapioca + Egg White
Break an egg and get the egg white. Mix it with 10 grams of tapioca. Apply the paste to your face and leave it on for 15-20 minutes. Be careful to avoid areas around the eyes and mouth. Do it twice a week.
As we know, tapioca and egg white are both famous for whitening and cooling effect. Mix them together to make a face mask will do wonders to your skin. It not only helps to make your skin smooth and soft, but eliminate the acne scars effectively. This homemade mask is also a cheap one and just cost you less than $2.
Tapioca + Yogurt
Add several drops of yogurt into the tapioca. Stir evenly. Apply the paste to the acne scars before you get to sleep in the evening. Rinse it the next morning.
Keep in mind that too much tapioca is not necessary, or it will cause the blockage of pores. Use low fat or degreasing yogurt to avoid fat granules. Persist, and you will get great results. This inexpensive method again, won't cost you more than $2.
Apple
Cut an apple into slices. Pour the boiled water over the apple slices until they become soft. Cool down and apply to the acne scars for 20 minutes. Rinse with clean water.
This is really a very simple remedy to treat acne and acne scars. You just need to apply it to your skin twice a week. Make sure to pick fresh apples. One apple only costs you about 30 cents.
Acne scars are actually a post-inflammatory change, which have a serious effect on a person's self-esteem and emotional state. The following recommended natural remedies may give you fast relief for acne scars.
White Sugar
After cleansing, rub a little white sugar on your palm. Add some water to prevent stimulating the sensitive skin. Then rub it over your face for 1 minute. Rinse with clean water. Do it 3 times a day.
As far as medicine is concerned, sugar is beneficial for wound-healing. It is recommended to wash your face with white sugar every day. In a week, your skin will be white and smooth again. In addition, it is also effective in treating acne scars. Persist and you will achieve great results than you might think. For some people it is really a cheap and easy way to deal with skin conditions.
Seaweed Mask
Go and buy a bag of seaweed pellet mask in a cosmetic store. Add some clean water to 20 grams of seaweed pellets to make a face mask. Apply it to your face for 10 minutes. Rinse with clean water and then apply some face cream. Do it every two days.
This facial mask has proved to be highly effective in eliminating acne scars and will leave your skin feeling incredibly smooth and silky. It only costs you about 5 yuan for the seaweed pellets, and a bag of pellets can be used for 8 times.
Vitamin C Mask
Crush 500 mg of Vitamin C tablets in mineral water. Soak the mask paper into the water. Apply it to your skin and leave it on for 1 minute.
Experts said that 500 mg tablets is enough, and this is a simple and practical mask to clear up acne and its scars.
Carrot
Crush fresh or cooked carrots into a paste. Add degreasing dissolving powders. Stir until it gets thick. Apply the paste to your face till it dries up. Rinse with clean water. To date, carrot is accepted to be an amazing food to fade and heal scars.
Aloe Vera and Phosphatide
Take 1/4 cup of aloe vera juice and a spoon of phosphatide powders. Mix them together and stir evenly. Apply the paste to the scars for at least 15 minutes. Do it once a day.
Some researches have shown that aloe vera produces positive medicinal benefits for healing damaged skin, while phosphatide can resume the situation of decrease of skin laying rapidly and maintain the reasonable balance of moisture to the skin.
Dermatologists suggest that early acne treatment is the best way to prevent acne scars. But if you have scarring from acne, the above are some fast and easy methods being used for fast removal of acne scars.Tapioca + Egg White
Tapioca + Egg White
Break an egg and get the egg white. Mix it with 10 grams of tapioca. Apply the paste to your face and leave it on for 15-20 minutes. Be careful to avoid areas around the eyes and mouth. Do it twice a week.
As we know, tapioca and egg white are both famous for whitening and cooling effect. Mix them together to make a face mask will do wonders to your skin. It not only helps to make your skin smooth and soft, but eliminate the acne scars effectively. This homemade mask is also a cheap one and just cost you less than $2.
Tapioca + Yogurt
Add several drops of yogurt into the tapioca. Stir evenly. Apply the paste to the acne scars before you get to sleep in the evening. Rinse it the next morning.
Keep in mind that too much tapioca is not necessary, or it will cause the blockage of pores. Use low fat or degreasing yogurt to avoid fat granules. Persist, and you will get great results. This inexpensive method again, won't cost you more than $2.
Apple
Cut an apple into slices. Pour the boiled water over the apple slices until they become soft. Cool down and apply to the acne scars for 20 minutes. Rinse with clean water.
This is really a very simple remedy to treat acne and acne scars. You just need to apply it to your skin twice a week. Make sure to pick fresh apples. One apple only costs you about 30 cents.
Monday, October 20, 2014
The 9 Most Overlooked Threats to a Marriage
I feel bad for marital communication, because it gets blamed for everything. For generations, in survey after survey, couples have rated marital communication as the number one problem in marriage. It's not.
Marital communication is getting a bad rap. It's like the kid who fights back on the playground. The playground supervisors hear a commotion and turn their heads just in time to see his retaliation. He didn't create the problem; he was reacting to the problem. But he's the one who gets caught, so he's sent off to the principal's office.
Or, in the case of marital communication, the therapist's office.
I feel bad for marital communication, because everyone gangs up on him, when the truth is, on the playground of marriage, he's just reacting to one of the other troublemakers who started the fight:
1. We marry people because we like who they are.
People change. Plan on it. Don't marry someone because of who they are, or who you want them to become. Marry them because of who they are determined to become. And then spend a lifetime joining them in their becoming, as they join you in yours.
2. Marriage doesn't take away our loneliness.
To be alive is to be lonely. It's the human condition. Marriage doesn't change the human condition. It can't make us completely unlonely. And when it doesn't, we blame our partner for doing something wrong, or we go searching for companionship elsewhere. Marriage is intended to be a place where two humans share the experience of loneliness and, in the sharing, create moments in which the loneliness dissipates. For a little while.
3. Shame baggage. Yes, we all carry it it.
We spend most of our adolescence and early adulthood trying to pretend our shame doesn't exist so, when the person we love triggers it in us, we blame them for creating it. And then we demand they fix it. But the truth is, they didn't create it and they can't fix it. Sometimes the best marital therapy is individual therapy, in which we work to heal our own shame. So we can stop transferring it to the ones we love.
4. Ego wins. We've all got one.
We came by it honestly. Probably sometime around the fourth grade when kids started to be jerks to us. Maybe earlier if our family members were jerks first. The ego was a good thing. It kept us safe from the emotional slings and arrows. But now that we're grown and married, the ego is a wall that separates. It's time for it to come down. By practicing openness instead of defensiveness, forgiveness instead of vengeance, apology instead of blame, vulnerability instead of strength, and grace instead of power.
5. Life is messy and marriage is life.
So marriage is messy, too. But when things stop working perfectly, we start blaming our partner for the snags. We add unnecessary mess to the already inescapable mess of life and love. We must stop pointing fingers and start intertwining them. And then we can we walk into, and through, the mess of life together. Blameless and shameless.
6. Empathy is hard.
By its very nature, empathy cannot happen simultaneously between two people. One partner must always go first, and there's no guarantee of reciprocation. It takes risk. It's a sacrifice. So most of us wait for our partner to go first. A lifelong empathy standoff. And when one partner actually does take the empathy plunge, it's almost always a belly flop. The truth is, the people we love are fallible human beings and they will never be the perfect mirror we desire. Can we love them anyway, by taking the empathy plunge ourselves?
7. We care more about our children than about the one who helped us make them.
Our kids should never be more important than our marriage, and they should never be less important. If they're more important, the little rascals will sense it and use it and drive wedges. If they're less important, they'll act out until they are given priority. Family is about the constant, on-going work of finding the balance.
8. The hidden power struggle.
Most conflict in marriage is at least in part a negotiation around the level of interconnectedness between lovers. Men usually want less. Women usually want more. Sometimes, those roles are reversed. Regardless, when you read between the lines of most fights, this is the question you find: Who gets to decide how much distance we keep between us? If we don't ask that question explicitly, we'll fight about it implicitly. Forever.
9. We don't know how to maintain interest in one thing or one person anymore.
We live in a world pulling our attention in a million different directions. The practice of meditation--attending to one thing and then returning our attention to it when we become distracted, over and over and over again--is an essential art. When we are constantly encouraged to attend to the shiny surface of things and to move on when we get a little bored, making our life a meditation upon the person we love is a revolutionary act. And it is absolutely essential if any marriage is to survive and thrive. <huff post>
Marital communication is getting a bad rap. It's like the kid who fights back on the playground. The playground supervisors hear a commotion and turn their heads just in time to see his retaliation. He didn't create the problem; he was reacting to the problem. But he's the one who gets caught, so he's sent off to the principal's office.
Or, in the case of marital communication, the therapist's office.
I feel bad for marital communication, because everyone gangs up on him, when the truth is, on the playground of marriage, he's just reacting to one of the other troublemakers who started the fight:
1. We marry people because we like who they are.
People change. Plan on it. Don't marry someone because of who they are, or who you want them to become. Marry them because of who they are determined to become. And then spend a lifetime joining them in their becoming, as they join you in yours.
2. Marriage doesn't take away our loneliness.
To be alive is to be lonely. It's the human condition. Marriage doesn't change the human condition. It can't make us completely unlonely. And when it doesn't, we blame our partner for doing something wrong, or we go searching for companionship elsewhere. Marriage is intended to be a place where two humans share the experience of loneliness and, in the sharing, create moments in which the loneliness dissipates. For a little while.
3. Shame baggage. Yes, we all carry it it.
We spend most of our adolescence and early adulthood trying to pretend our shame doesn't exist so, when the person we love triggers it in us, we blame them for creating it. And then we demand they fix it. But the truth is, they didn't create it and they can't fix it. Sometimes the best marital therapy is individual therapy, in which we work to heal our own shame. So we can stop transferring it to the ones we love.
4. Ego wins. We've all got one.
We came by it honestly. Probably sometime around the fourth grade when kids started to be jerks to us. Maybe earlier if our family members were jerks first. The ego was a good thing. It kept us safe from the emotional slings and arrows. But now that we're grown and married, the ego is a wall that separates. It's time for it to come down. By practicing openness instead of defensiveness, forgiveness instead of vengeance, apology instead of blame, vulnerability instead of strength, and grace instead of power.
5. Life is messy and marriage is life.
So marriage is messy, too. But when things stop working perfectly, we start blaming our partner for the snags. We add unnecessary mess to the already inescapable mess of life and love. We must stop pointing fingers and start intertwining them. And then we can we walk into, and through, the mess of life together. Blameless and shameless.
6. Empathy is hard.
By its very nature, empathy cannot happen simultaneously between two people. One partner must always go first, and there's no guarantee of reciprocation. It takes risk. It's a sacrifice. So most of us wait for our partner to go first. A lifelong empathy standoff. And when one partner actually does take the empathy plunge, it's almost always a belly flop. The truth is, the people we love are fallible human beings and they will never be the perfect mirror we desire. Can we love them anyway, by taking the empathy plunge ourselves?
7. We care more about our children than about the one who helped us make them.
Our kids should never be more important than our marriage, and they should never be less important. If they're more important, the little rascals will sense it and use it and drive wedges. If they're less important, they'll act out until they are given priority. Family is about the constant, on-going work of finding the balance.
8. The hidden power struggle.
Most conflict in marriage is at least in part a negotiation around the level of interconnectedness between lovers. Men usually want less. Women usually want more. Sometimes, those roles are reversed. Regardless, when you read between the lines of most fights, this is the question you find: Who gets to decide how much distance we keep between us? If we don't ask that question explicitly, we'll fight about it implicitly. Forever.
9. We don't know how to maintain interest in one thing or one person anymore.
We live in a world pulling our attention in a million different directions. The practice of meditation--attending to one thing and then returning our attention to it when we become distracted, over and over and over again--is an essential art. When we are constantly encouraged to attend to the shiny surface of things and to move on when we get a little bored, making our life a meditation upon the person we love is a revolutionary act. And it is absolutely essential if any marriage is to survive and thrive. <huff post>
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
10 Real Differences Between Being In Love And Loving Someone
It took me a very long time to learn the difference between being in love with someone and actually loving that person. I learned the hard way, the very, very hard way.
Hearts were broken repeatedly over the years, and although I wish the pain could have been avoided, the experiences taught me more than any book or class ever could.
I grew up on fairy tales and love stories that taught me to believe that being in love and loving are the same thing. That couldn’t be any further from the truth.
Being in love with someone and loving that person are two different things. Understanding the difference and being able to apply the knowledge to your own relationships is key to building a lasting relationship.
Here are a few differences between being in love and loving that I wish I knew a decade sooner:
Being in love is believing you need someone in order to be happy.
You need him or her to be a part of your life in some way or another, not because you want to own a piece of this person, but because you want to give him or her a piece of yourself; loving someone is deeming him or her worthy of owning a part of you.
It isn’t about ownership; it’s about wanting only the best for that individual — something that often means letting that love go.
No one wants to come down from such a high. This is where the problem lies: You inevitably do come down.
Thinking about someone, wishing the best for that person, doing the best to make him or her happy and, well, caring for that person just as much as — if not more than — yourself, that’s what love is. The emotions that come with it are just the perks.
Once you have passed the stage of simply being in love with someone to actually loving him or her, you have to learn to let go of the constant high and to ride the less frequent waves as they come. They always come. They just aren’t the “in love” emotional state that only falling in love allows for.
You want to spend more time with this person, get to know him or her better, be with this person as much as possible. You always want to have more, and want to build a greater, more serious relationship.
Unfortunately, everything in the universe is finite. You can’t make progress and continue building something greater forever. The only thing you can eventually do is keep reinforcing what you already have.
Being in love is not only understanding that what you have is all you need, but wanting to strengthen that bond indefinitely.
You believe this person to be the most amazing specimen you have ever encountered. Sadly, this way of thinking usually wears off as soon as the feel-good chemicals wear off. Then you’re left lost and confused.
However, life always manages to give us those reminders. Life will often keep people away from us, harm those in our lives and sometimes even take them from us entirely.
When you truly love someone, such moments of separation and loss overwhelm you with emotion. People often forget how much they love a person — or fail to realize how much they love them — until life forces them to remember.
Being in love — and romantic love altogether — is mostly a result of our minds’ creation. We make, or allow, ourselves to fall in love by romanticizing the individual as well as the relationship. When you’re in love, reality doesn’t always line up with your version of it.
They may remove themselves, or be removed, from our lives, but they never leave our minds. Their memory, the thought of them, makes us feel strong emotion. Their presence in our lives has had such an incredible influence on us that, because of them, we are different people.
When you love someone, you can’t stop loving that person because it would require you to stop loving a part of you yourself.
<elitedaily.com>
Hearts were broken repeatedly over the years, and although I wish the pain could have been avoided, the experiences taught me more than any book or class ever could.
I grew up on fairy tales and love stories that taught me to believe that being in love and loving are the same thing. That couldn’t be any further from the truth.
Being in love with someone and loving that person are two different things. Understanding the difference and being able to apply the knowledge to your own relationships is key to building a lasting relationship.
Here are a few differences between being in love and loving that I wish I knew a decade sooner:
When you’re in love with someone, you want this person.
Being in love is wanting to own a part of the other person. It’s believing this person is so wonderful that you want him or her to be a part of your life, a part of you. When you fall in love with a person, you feel an intense urge to consume that person in any way you can.Being in love is believing you need someone in order to be happy.
When you love someone, you need this person.
You don’t just want — or rather, don’t only want — you need him or her. You need this person to live a happy and healthy life because your happiness literally depends on it.You need him or her to be a part of your life in some way or another, not because you want to own a piece of this person, but because you want to give him or her a piece of yourself; loving someone is deeming him or her worthy of owning a part of you.
It isn’t about ownership; it’s about wanting only the best for that individual — something that often means letting that love go.
When you’re in love with someone, your emotions are always on high.
Your brain is producing the most amazing chemical cocktail, making you feel as if you were floating atop of a cloud. You get high just by being in love with a person — and it’s a sort of high you never want to let go of.No one wants to come down from such a high. This is where the problem lies: You inevitably do come down.
When you love someone, your emotions settle and then fluctuate.
Loving someone isn’t as much about the emotions as it is about the thoughts.Thinking about someone, wishing the best for that person, doing the best to make him or her happy and, well, caring for that person just as much as — if not more than — yourself, that’s what love is. The emotions that come with it are just the perks.
Once you have passed the stage of simply being in love with someone to actually loving him or her, you have to learn to let go of the constant high and to ride the less frequent waves as they come. They always come. They just aren’t the “in love” emotional state that only falling in love allows for.
When you’re in love with someone, you’re aiming to reach some goal.
That’s what makes falling in love so exciting — the constant yearning for more.You want to spend more time with this person, get to know him or her better, be with this person as much as possible. You always want to have more, and want to build a greater, more serious relationship.
When you love someone, you aren’t rushing to reach the finish line.
The goal that being in love calls for no longer exists — but only because it’s already been reached. This often scares people because they begin to feel a need to continue making progress.Unfortunately, everything in the universe is finite. You can’t make progress and continue building something greater forever. The only thing you can eventually do is keep reinforcing what you already have.
Being in love is not only understanding that what you have is all you need, but wanting to strengthen that bond indefinitely.
When you’re in love with someone, you think you care more about that person more than you actually do.
Falling in love is much, much easier than loving. When you’re in love, the chemicals in your brain and body make you feel as if the person is the greatest person in the world.You believe this person to be the most amazing specimen you have ever encountered. Sadly, this way of thinking usually wears off as soon as the feel-good chemicals wear off. Then you’re left lost and confused.
When you love someone, you care about that person more than you think.
Being in love is easily recognizable, as it makes you feel a constant yearning, a constant need. Loving, on the other hand, doesn’t give you such constant reminders.However, life always manages to give us those reminders. Life will often keep people away from us, harm those in our lives and sometimes even take them from us entirely.
When you truly love someone, such moments of separation and loss overwhelm you with emotion. People often forget how much they love a person — or fail to realize how much they love them — until life forces them to remember.
When you’re in love with someone, you can fall out of love with that someone.
What goes up must come down. In the case of falling in love, what comes down often crawls back up. If you can fall in love with a person then you know you can just as easily fall out of love with him or her.Being in love — and romantic love altogether — is mostly a result of our minds’ creation. We make, or allow, ourselves to fall in love by romanticizing the individual as well as the relationship. When you’re in love, reality doesn’t always line up with your version of it.
When you love someone, you never really stop loving that someone.
Loving a person is something that defines you — it defines the person you are. Those we love, those we care about most, those who mean the most to us, and who have affected us most in our lives, are those who never really leave us.They may remove themselves, or be removed, from our lives, but they never leave our minds. Their memory, the thought of them, makes us feel strong emotion. Their presence in our lives has had such an incredible influence on us that, because of them, we are different people.
When you love someone, you can’t stop loving that person because it would require you to stop loving a part of you yourself.
<elitedaily.com>
5 Quotes From Bill Gates That Prove You Need To Fail To Succeed
Bill Gates is the richest man in the world. At 58, he’s worth close to $80 billion. He’s an innovator, a philanthropist and an inspiration to people across the globe.
In 1975, Gates dropped out of Harvard to co-found Microsoft Corp. with Paul Allen. Twelve years later, when he was just 31 years old, he became the youngest billionaire in the world. Microsoft is now the largest software company on the planet.
A completely self-made man, Gates is a testament to the fact that unabashed optimism and improbable dreams can lead to exponential success. It also doesn’t hurt to have a touch of genius, so don’t go dropping out of school just yet.
Gates is also one of the most giving people in the world, and has donated $28 billion to philanthropic causes via the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.
These quotes from Gates provide a glimpse into the mind of the mad genius who simultaneously holds the title of the wealthiest and most generous person on earth:
Success is as fleeting as life itself, it can all be taken away at a moment’s notice. Nothing is permanent. The only constant in life is change.
Remember that success might change your life, but it should never change who you are inside. Be respectful to everyone you encounter, and give back to the world around you.
We learn more from our failures than from our triumphs. Don’t let success blind you from the fact that failure was always your greatest teacher and inspiration.
We all move at a different pace, and each of us has to take our own paths in life. Sometimes we have to take the wrong path multiple times before we stumble through the woods to find the right one. Or as J.R.R. Tolkien once said, “Not all those who wander are lost.”
Embrace the randomness of your journey through this world. No one else will live the exact same life, that’s what makes all of this such a gift.
The same is true in one’s personal life. We can learn a lot from the people who are unhappy with us, particularly those who are close to us.
You’ll hear a lot of people tell you that you should never care what other people think. That’s typically good advice when it comes to strangers or acquaintances. Yet, when the people we love are upset with us, it’s probably a sign that we haven’t afforded them the proper respect.
Life is about cultivating relationships and building connections. If someone is unhappy with you, address the problem by engaging and communicating. This is good advice in business and in your personal endeavors.
Likewise, the biggest nerd at your university might end up dropping out to eventually become the most prominent man or woman in the world.
All people deserve respect because you never know where they might end up. Life is long and convoluted, with many twists and turns. Plant the seeds of kindness early on, build relationships from a young age and you will never walk alone.
All you can do is accept it. Take the good with the bad. Find balance in the universe. Remember that there is no light without darkness.
The greatest moments of your life only feel that way because they are the counterparts of your most painful experiences. Don’t actively seek out pain or failure, but recognize them as natural parts of life. We evolve through struggle.
<Elitedaily.com>
In 1975, Gates dropped out of Harvard to co-found Microsoft Corp. with Paul Allen. Twelve years later, when he was just 31 years old, he became the youngest billionaire in the world. Microsoft is now the largest software company on the planet.
A completely self-made man, Gates is a testament to the fact that unabashed optimism and improbable dreams can lead to exponential success. It also doesn’t hurt to have a touch of genius, so don’t go dropping out of school just yet.
Gates is also one of the most giving people in the world, and has donated $28 billion to philanthropic causes via the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.
These quotes from Gates provide a glimpse into the mind of the mad genius who simultaneously holds the title of the wealthiest and most generous person on earth:
1. “Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.”
No matter how successful you might be, it’s important to stay humble. Don’t get too ahead of yourself.Success is as fleeting as life itself, it can all be taken away at a moment’s notice. Nothing is permanent. The only constant in life is change.
Remember that success might change your life, but it should never change who you are inside. Be respectful to everyone you encounter, and give back to the world around you.
We learn more from our failures than from our triumphs. Don’t let success blind you from the fact that failure was always your greatest teacher and inspiration.
2. “Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world… if you do so, you are insulting yourself.”
You are beautifully unique. Remain cognizant of that at all times. Perceptions of success are ultimately subjective. Measure your own success by how well you live up to your values, not by comparing yourself to others.We all move at a different pace, and each of us has to take our own paths in life. Sometimes we have to take the wrong path multiple times before we stumble through the woods to find the right one. Or as J.R.R. Tolkien once said, “Not all those who wander are lost.”
Embrace the randomness of your journey through this world. No one else will live the exact same life, that’s what makes all of this such a gift.
3. “Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.”
A business can learn a great deal from unsatisfied customers. If a lot of customers are unhappy about the same thing, it’s a definite sign that a specific change is necessary.The same is true in one’s personal life. We can learn a lot from the people who are unhappy with us, particularly those who are close to us.
You’ll hear a lot of people tell you that you should never care what other people think. That’s typically good advice when it comes to strangers or acquaintances. Yet, when the people we love are upset with us, it’s probably a sign that we haven’t afforded them the proper respect.
Life is about cultivating relationships and building connections. If someone is unhappy with you, address the problem by engaging and communicating. This is good advice in business and in your personal endeavors.
4. “Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.”
Popularity is a fickle notion that changes as we age. The biggest loser in elementary school can end up becoming prom queen or the stud of the century in high school.Likewise, the biggest nerd at your university might end up dropping out to eventually become the most prominent man or woman in the world.
All people deserve respect because you never know where they might end up. Life is long and convoluted, with many twists and turns. Plant the seeds of kindness early on, build relationships from a young age and you will never walk alone.
5. “Life is not fair — get used to it!”
Life is not all sunshine and roses. You will fail constantly. There will be struggles. Much of what happens to you will be completely out of your control. It will be frustrating, enraging and chaotic at times.All you can do is accept it. Take the good with the bad. Find balance in the universe. Remember that there is no light without darkness.
The greatest moments of your life only feel that way because they are the counterparts of your most painful experiences. Don’t actively seek out pain or failure, but recognize them as natural parts of life. We evolve through struggle.
<Elitedaily.com>
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
It’s About Trust: 20 Things Strong Couples Do Differently
Being part of a unit can be difficult.
You make decisions with someone else in mind. You have to be careful of
another person’s feelings. And you need to be conscious of also making
yourself happy.
So when we finally find that significant other who makes this all seem easy, we know we possess the foundation for something good to grow.
Strong couples are, first and foremost, strong individuals. They are secure with themselves and, therefore, can allow themselves to be vulnerable in a relationship. Once you have that special kind of acceptance from the other person, your strength is reinforced.
Solid relationships are dependent on two people’s understanding and appreciation of each other. It’s falling in love with the person who makes you smarter, better, faster, stronger… and then taking on the world together.
Here are the 20 things that strong couples would never do.
Sure, keeping your partner guessing isn’t a bad thing, but keeping your partner guessing about your level of commitment is. Jealousy breeds insecurity, and that’s not what we’re trying to do here.
Don’t say through text what you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying aloud and you won’t find yourself apologizing later.
Strong couples put forth an effort every day. They are grateful for the other person, make room for growth, and say “I love you” and mean it.
It’s possible to have more than one successful relationship in your life. Strong couples focus on the relationships they’re in, not the ones they’ve moved on from.
That means seeing the chick flick with your girlfriends or attending spin class by yourself. Your partner wants to enjoy his/her own life, and for you to do the same.
Strong couples know the other person’s weaknesses, and rather than putting their partners down for it, they don’t mind stepping in for support.
He might be horrible at keeping surprises and you might suck at organizing your schedule — but you two make it work because you’ve got each other to lean on.
Happy partners are in love with the real people in front of them.
It’s not about who bought dinner one night or who thought of the restaurant. It’s about selflessly making each other happy and getting there together.
We know you’d rather not watch us parade around in short-shorts in the same way we’d rather not hear that you’re grabbing coffee with your ex, but we’re secure enough not to hold each other back.
Sometimes, I really don’t want to acknowledge the fact that I will always be the messier person in the relationship. And then all of my dirty clothes are magically piled on top of the bed and I know what I need to do.
There needs to be a balance between thinking of yourself and thinking with someone else in mind.
For instance, the times I’m thinking of my significant other include supermarket shopping, on the gun range and kick-boxing, while I tend to dream about Beyoncé alone.
Nobody enjoys that couple that can’t be without the other person. It’s too much. It feels disingenuine. It’s just as important to keep your outside relationships as it is to maintain your romantic ones.
It should be hard to resist your partner, and even more unbearable to get on without him or her. Quality time is the best time.
The only time it’s ever cool to embarrass your significant other is by farting loudly in an otherwise silent space. True story.
Strong couples are strong because they don’t base their value on how they measure up to the outside world. They focus on themselves and know that they are good.
Harboring anger without giving your partner a chance to make it right isn’t fair to anyone.
<Elitedaily.com >
So when we finally find that significant other who makes this all seem easy, we know we possess the foundation for something good to grow.
Strong couples are, first and foremost, strong individuals. They are secure with themselves and, therefore, can allow themselves to be vulnerable in a relationship. Once you have that special kind of acceptance from the other person, your strength is reinforced.
Solid relationships are dependent on two people’s understanding and appreciation of each other. It’s falling in love with the person who makes you smarter, better, faster, stronger… and then taking on the world together.
Here are the 20 things that strong couples would never do.
1. They avoid deliberately try to make the other person jealous
When you’re in a solid relationship in which you receive enough attention and care, you don’t feel the need to additionally seek it out through low-level tactics.Sure, keeping your partner guessing isn’t a bad thing, but keeping your partner guessing about your level of commitment is. Jealousy breeds insecurity, and that’s not what we’re trying to do here.
2. They don’t go through each other’s phones
Having the urge to raid your partner’s cell phone signals to your partner that you don’t trust him or her. Once you start prying into each other’s phones, all honesty goes out the window and every text is grounds for an argument.Don’t say through text what you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying aloud and you won’t find yourself apologizing later.
3. They aren’t complacent in the relationship
Even the strongest of couples understand that relationships take work. They aren’t all holding-hands-and-kissing-in-the-moonlight dreams that we have when we’re single.Strong couples put forth an effort every day. They are grateful for the other person, make room for growth, and say “I love you” and mean it.
4. They don’t compare the relationship to their previous ones
When we compare two things, there will always be a winner and a loser. Every relationship is different, and what makes one special might not hold true for another.It’s possible to have more than one successful relationship in your life. Strong couples focus on the relationships they’re in, not the ones they’ve moved on from.
5. They don’t enter into Facebook relationship
If you actually put that much emphasis on social media to validate your relationship status, you probably aren’t mature enough to be in a real one.6. They don’t insist on being with each other all the time
Secure couples don’t need to be with one another 24/7. In fact, they don’t want to be together all the time. They know it’s important to still maintain their independence and outside interests.That means seeing the chick flick with your girlfriends or attending spin class by yourself. Your partner wants to enjoy his/her own life, and for you to do the same.
7. They avoid picking on each other’s flaws
We all have improving to do. When the playful jest turns into annoyed jabs, it’s symptomatic of a larger struggle between partners.Strong couples know the other person’s weaknesses, and rather than putting their partners down for it, they don’t mind stepping in for support.
He might be horrible at keeping surprises and you might suck at organizing your schedule — but you two make it work because you’ve got each other to lean on.
8. They aren’t trying to the make the other person something he or she is not
You fell in love with each other for a reason, not for a project. Stable couples don’t try to alter the other person’s appearance, or make her edgier or him less talkative.Happy partners are in love with the real people in front of them.
9. They would never compete with each other
There’s a difference between challenging your partner and competing with your partner. In the former, both of you emerge as better people; in the latter, someone has to lose.It’s not about who bought dinner one night or who thought of the restaurant. It’s about selflessly making each other happy and getting there together.
10. They don’t place restrictions
Restrictions are the anti-growth for relationships. So-called “rules” that prohibit each other from doing certain things will only spawn resentment.We know you’d rather not watch us parade around in short-shorts in the same way we’d rather not hear that you’re grabbing coffee with your ex, but we’re secure enough not to hold each other back.
11. They won’t sugarcoat things
You’re a strong couple because you built each other’s strength and got there together. That means always being honest with each other, even if it’s not what you want to hear.Sometimes, I really don’t want to acknowledge the fact that I will always be the messier person in the relationship. And then all of my dirty clothes are magically piled on top of the bed and I know what I need to do.
12. They never insult their partner’s family
Feeling comfortable enough to insult your partner’s family is like thinking it’s acceptable to comment on your partner’s weight. It’s really only OK when your partner does it.13. They aren’t always wondering where the other person is
Strong couples don’t need constant contact. They aren’t consumed with what the other person is doing or distrusting of his or her whereabouts.There needs to be a balance between thinking of yourself and thinking with someone else in mind.
For instance, the times I’m thinking of my significant other include supermarket shopping, on the gun range and kick-boxing, while I tend to dream about Beyoncé alone.
14. They don’t get drunk to like each other more
You can actually enjoy another person totally sober. Revolutionary, we know.15. They don’t hang out with only each other
Just because you spend every second together doesn’t mean you have a solid relationship. The ability to separate from one another actually makes your ties stronger.Nobody enjoys that couple that can’t be without the other person. It’s too much. It feels disingenuine. It’s just as important to keep your outside relationships as it is to maintain your romantic ones.
16. They never deny physical affection
The sexual component of relationships holds equal weight with the emotional stuff, too.It should be hard to resist your partner, and even more unbearable to get on without him or her. Quality time is the best time.
17. They would never publicly put the other person down
Humiliating your partner — especially in front of other people on purpose — is grounds for breaking up. There’s a way to express yourself, and there’s a way to, well, not.The only time it’s ever cool to embarrass your significant other is by farting loudly in an otherwise silent space. True story.
18. They don’t judge the relationship against other couple’s
There is no one way to love somebody. When you compare what you have with someone else’s standard, there will always be instances you come up short.Strong couples are strong because they don’t base their value on how they measure up to the outside world. They focus on themselves and know that they are good.
19. They won’t get mad without explaining why
We know from grade school drama that addressing situations passive-aggressively never works the way we want it to. Successful couples are able to speak up and not be afraid of how the other person will react.Harboring anger without giving your partner a chance to make it right isn’t fair to anyone.
20. They don’t go to bed alone
Even if you’re not physically together, you’re together in your hearts.<Elitedaily.com >
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