Finding a man to be your boyfriend actually isn't a difficult thing. The difficult part is finding a man who deserves to be your life partner. Unfortunately, many men out there take advantage of the women's vulnerability to seduction to easily get them. In order to choose the right boyfriend, below are 10 characteristics of a good man to be your boyfriend:
1. He treats you well
He doesn't have to treat you like a princess and spoil you everyday, but he knows what he has to do to show his love and he will never hurt you. If he accidentally hurts you, he doesn't hesitate to come to you, admit his mistake and apologize sincerely. He is a man who appreciates and respects you. There is nothing more disgusting than a man who degrades,commits physical and verbal abuse towards a woman.
2. He is a man of his word
When he says yes, then he will do it, when he says no, then he won't do it. Included in this trait, a man who is loyal to his girlfriend. When he promises that you will be the only woman he loved, then he really doesn't have another woman in his heart. In other words, he takes full responsibility for his own words and realize them in his actions (He's not wishy washy in relationships).
3. He loves you inside and out
Why this kind of man is right for you? Because he doesn't only love you physically. He loves all of the strengths and weaknesses you have. And most importantly, he loves your imperfection, perfectly.
4. He has a bright future
If you're really serious about bringing your relationship to a marriage, then you have to think about this. Do you have to choose a man who already have a well established job and good income? Not really. Most importantly, he is mature in thinking and has good plans for the future. Of course, he doesn't spend most of his time playing video games and watching tv everyday. He is able to balance fun and relaxation with work and productivity.
5. He is able to guide and protect you
In relationships, men are leaders. With him, you can develop into a better woman. He also becomes the first person in front of you to protect you from all kinds of dangers.
6. He is confident in himself
Maybe he's not handsome, but he always seems very excited, his face looks so bright, he dares to face everyone, and he has a pleasant personality. Most importantly, he is just being himself and not trying desperately to change his attitude and behave like everyone else (e.g. a movie star you like) when he is trying to draw your attention.
7. He is an independent man
Does a man who spend every day, hour, minute, and second to please you is the right man for you? Frankly speaking, NO! Because it means he is too attached and in the future, he will be very possessive of you. Independent man also thinks about his own life, spends time with his family and friends, and has other good activities to do. Don't ever choose a needy or clingy man to be your boyfriend.
8. He is appreciative of you
He notices every little thing you do. When you try your best to look pretty, he will praise you. When you fetch him a glass of water, he will say 'thank you'. When you do things that are out of your habit, he notices it.
9. He speaks and acts honestly
He can tell you what really happens when he makes a mistake. He does everything for you with sincerity with no bad intentions. In addition, he is a man who doesn't seek your approval by giving praise and doesn't hesitate to criticize yourself when you make a mistake. Receiving praise is important to make you more motivated while criticism is important to make you become a better woman.
10. He has good morality
His morality also affects your relationship in the future. A man who has grown up as a good man and doesn't have many problems with society tends to act wisely in relationships. On the other hand, a man with low morality (e.g. solving problems with violence, familiar with criminality, drugs and free sex) tends to bring the relationship into violence, quarrels, and infidelity.
Those are 10 characteristics of a good man to be your boyfriend.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Inspirational Story: An Honest and Brave Young Man
A king who entered his old age wanted to find a successor. Contrary with the custom, he didn't choose his children or his closest aide. Instead, he called every young man in the country and gave a speech in front of them. "I will hold a contest. All of you will get a seed. Plant the seed, treat it, and come back another year. For those who have the best plant will be my successor immediately.
A young man named George looked very enthusiastic. He planted the seed, and watered it every day. A month passed, but his seed didn't seem to grow. After 6 months, many young men began to talk about their plants that grew tall, but George's pot was still empty. George didn't say anything to his friends. He was still waiting for his seed to grow.A year passed. All young man brought the plants to the king. At first, George was reluctant, but his mother pushed him to go and speak honestly. The king praised the plants that they carried. "Your work is extraordinary. Your plants are very beautiful indeed. I will choose one of you to become the new king!"
Suddenly, the king saw George standing behind the crowd and called him. George was panic, "oh no, I will be killed," he thought.
The crowd taunted and insulted him, knowing that he brought an empty pot. "Silence!" The king shouted. He turned to George, then announced, "He is your new king". The crowd looked shocked. They thought, "How could someone who failed become a king?" The king continued, "A year ago, I gave you a seed to be planted. But I gave a cooked seed and of course it can't grow. All of you replaced it with another seed. Only George who has honesty and courage to bring the pot with the seed I gave. Therefore, I choose him to be my successor."
Honesty will bring fundamental changes inside a person. But without courage, you can't change people around you. Honesty produces followers, not leaders. To be able to change people around you, courage is essential.
50 Quotes About Moving On
Moving on is something we all have to do now and again. But many times we don’t like to do it.
Leaving behind relationships, careers, the cities we live in, or even just a version of yourself that you have outgrown is painful, albeit necessary, to continue growing and moving forward.
Here are 50 quotes about the emotions, the process and the results of moving on. Enjoy.
“There is a time for departure, even when there is no certain place to go.” - Tennessee William
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” – Albert Einstein
“You are responsible for your life. You can’t keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on.” – Oprah Winfrey
“Moving on, is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.” – Dave Mustaine
“One must be thrust out of a finished cycle in life, and that leap is the most difficult to make – to part with one’s faith, one’s love, when one would prefer to renew the faith and recreate the passion.” – Anais Nin
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” – Helen Keller
“I have accepted fear as a part of life – specifically the fear of change…I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back…” – Erica Jong
“One change always leaves the way open for the establishment of others.” – Niccolo Machiavelli
“Change means the unknown.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
“To change skins, evolve into new cycles, I feel one has to learn to discard. If one changes internally one should not continue to live with the same objects. They reflect one’s mind and psyche of yesterday. I throw away what has no dynamic, living use.” – Anais Nin
“Let the past drift away with the water.” – Japanese saying
“I demolish my bridges behind me…then there is no choice but forward.” – Firdtjof Nansen
“Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.” – Sholem Asch
“The worst thing you can do is to try to cling to something that’s gone, or to recreate it.” – Johnette Napolitano
“Don’t look back. Something may be gaining on you.” – Satchel Paige
“Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it is good only for wallowing.” – Katherine Mansfield
“Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson
“Sadness flies away on the wings of time.” – Jean de La Fontaine
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill
“There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with.” – Harry Crews
“I thought when love for you died, I should die. It’s dead. Alone, most strangely, I live on.” – Rupert Brooke
“No yesterdays are ever wasted for those who give themselves to today.” – Brendan Francis
“Let the dead Past bury its dead!” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many – not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” – Charles Dickens
“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.” – Soren Kierkegaard
“Living in the past is a dull and lonely business; looking back strains the neck muscles, causes you to bump into people not going your way.” – Edna Ferbe
“The biggest thing in today’s sorrow is the memory of yesterday’s joy.” – Kahlil Gibran
“Anyone who limits her vision to memories of yesterday is already dead.” – Lily Langtry
“I like the dreams for the future better than the history of the past.” – Thomas Jefferson
“The past is a funeral gone by.” – Edmund Gosse
“Never let yesterday use up today.” – Richard H. Nelson
“Fear not for the future, weep not for the past.” – Percy Bysshe Shelley
“This, too, shall pass.” – William Shakespeare
“What we call the beginning is often an end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.” – T.S. Eliot
“Time is like a river of fleeting events, and its current is strong; as soon as something comes into sight, it is swept past us, and something else takes its place, and that too will be swept away.” – Marcus Aurelius
“Make voyages. Attempt them. There’s nothing else.” – Tennessee Williams
“I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken, and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived.” – Margaret Mitchell
“With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“The past is a bucket of ashes, so live not in your yesterdays, nor just for tomorrow, but in the here and now.” – Carl Sandburg
“Look not mournfully into the past, it comes not back again. Wisely improve the present, it is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future without fear and with a manly heart.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“Don’t waste today regretting yesterday instead of making a memory for tomorrow.” – Laura Palmer
“I just take one day. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not come. We have only today to love Jesus.” – Mother Teresa
“The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next.” – Mignon McLaughlin
“When I look at the future, it’s so bright, it burns my eyes.” – Oprah Winfrey
“Everything passes; everything wears out; everything breaks.” – French Proverb
“Life is always at some turning point.” – Irwin Edman
“Everything flows, nothing stays still.” – Heraclitus
“One must never lose time in vainly regretting the past or in complaining against the changes which cause us discomfort, for change in the essence of life.” – Anatole France
“Each new season grows from the leftovers from the past. That is the essence of change, and change is the basic law.” – Hal Borland
“Readjusting is a painful process, but most of us need it at one time or another.” – Arthur Christopher Benson
Do you have any other “Moving On” quotes to add? Please share in the comments!
3 Qualities You Must Develop
When you feel stuck or things aren’t going the way you want them to, it’s easy to get discouraged, frustrated, or even a little panicked. This is totally normal, but unfortunately, not very helpful to your situation.
The following three qualities, though seemingly simple, will help you through those times, and allow you not just to get by, but to thrive, during times of adversity.
Curiosity
When you are faced with a problem, the best thing you can do is to be curious about it. How did I get here? What do I feel right now? What are possible solutions? Is there anything I can learn?
Being curious allows you to take a step back from the problem and put some distance between you and it. This is important if you feel like you’re stuck. See your problems as an interesting challenge, a place where you can learn things you didn’t know before, and before long you no longer have a problem.
The Willingness to Experiment
When you are stuck, the tendency to panic is very high. You become attached to a certain outcome, making it all the more difficult to get un-stuck. Experimenting with different solutions is one way out of the quicksand.
When you are willing to experiment, you find things that you never thought you would. Solutions that you didn’t think of at first present themselves to you. Possibilities start to expand, leaving you feeling freer and therefore more relaxed. And when you are calm, there is clarity, and problems don’t seem to be the monsters they once were.
A Sense of Discovery
Look to find something. See what it is that you can discover.
Problems often mask an insight or an understanding about something that you never had before. What can you find in this problem? Look closely.
The following three qualities, though seemingly simple, will help you through those times, and allow you not just to get by, but to thrive, during times of adversity.
Curiosity
When you are faced with a problem, the best thing you can do is to be curious about it. How did I get here? What do I feel right now? What are possible solutions? Is there anything I can learn?
Being curious allows you to take a step back from the problem and put some distance between you and it. This is important if you feel like you’re stuck. See your problems as an interesting challenge, a place where you can learn things you didn’t know before, and before long you no longer have a problem.
The Willingness to Experiment
When you are stuck, the tendency to panic is very high. You become attached to a certain outcome, making it all the more difficult to get un-stuck. Experimenting with different solutions is one way out of the quicksand.
When you are willing to experiment, you find things that you never thought you would. Solutions that you didn’t think of at first present themselves to you. Possibilities start to expand, leaving you feeling freer and therefore more relaxed. And when you are calm, there is clarity, and problems don’t seem to be the monsters they once were.
A Sense of Discovery
Look to find something. See what it is that you can discover.
Problems often mask an insight or an understanding about something that you never had before. What can you find in this problem? Look closely.
Stop Your Problems From Getting Bigger
No matter how big your problems are, they can always get worse. And, unfortunately, things do often get worse before they get better. In order to prevent this, you should remember one rule.
Don’t Freak Out
That’s right. Freaking out will only serve to make your problems seem bigger and more unsolvable. Where you once had a medium-size problem, freaking out will automatically make that a large problem. With the proper perspective, problems should only shrink in size, never get bigger.
So, how do you not freak out?
Notice Your Feelings
This is a simple thing you can do to keep yourself from freaking out. Observe your emotions. You can name them if you’d like, but mostly you should just experience the way that they feel. If you start thinking about them too much, your mind will start spinning all kinds of stories and that can lead to freaking out. Just feel.
Open Yourself To All Possibilities
Most of the time, we jump to the conclusion that having a problem is bad. But, it could be that it’s simply neutral.
Meeting obstacles isn’t always negative, sometimes we are just being directed to go another way. At first, we might not like the new direction, but you might find that there is a lot of cool stuff that way. If we are too attached to where we thought we were going, we would never get to experience those things.
Accept anything that comes your way and see what kind of an experience you can have with it. You might discover something you never could have imagined.
Play
A problem means it is time to make an adjustment, and it’s also a perfect time to play around with how you might do that. Freaking out occurs when we get “tight” in both thought and action. It has to be one way, and we try to force that way to happen.
When you begin to play, you loosen up and try the thing you think might work. And if it doesn’t work, then you try something else. A solution will generally find you when you play around like this because you are not attached to any one result.
In the end, you may find that this problem has taken you to a great new place, which you never would have found without it.
So, remember, there is only one rule when it comes to problems – No freaking out!
Don’t Freak Out
That’s right. Freaking out will only serve to make your problems seem bigger and more unsolvable. Where you once had a medium-size problem, freaking out will automatically make that a large problem. With the proper perspective, problems should only shrink in size, never get bigger.
So, how do you not freak out?
Notice Your Feelings
This is a simple thing you can do to keep yourself from freaking out. Observe your emotions. You can name them if you’d like, but mostly you should just experience the way that they feel. If you start thinking about them too much, your mind will start spinning all kinds of stories and that can lead to freaking out. Just feel.
Open Yourself To All Possibilities
Most of the time, we jump to the conclusion that having a problem is bad. But, it could be that it’s simply neutral.
Meeting obstacles isn’t always negative, sometimes we are just being directed to go another way. At first, we might not like the new direction, but you might find that there is a lot of cool stuff that way. If we are too attached to where we thought we were going, we would never get to experience those things.
Accept anything that comes your way and see what kind of an experience you can have with it. You might discover something you never could have imagined.
Play
A problem means it is time to make an adjustment, and it’s also a perfect time to play around with how you might do that. Freaking out occurs when we get “tight” in both thought and action. It has to be one way, and we try to force that way to happen.
When you begin to play, you loosen up and try the thing you think might work. And if it doesn’t work, then you try something else. A solution will generally find you when you play around like this because you are not attached to any one result.
In the end, you may find that this problem has taken you to a great new place, which you never would have found without it.
So, remember, there is only one rule when it comes to problems – No freaking out!
Fear Energy vs Love Energy
When you feel motivated to do something, no matter what it is, that motivation comes with a burst of energy. That energetic feeling is what gets you going on whatever it is you are doing.
But, where does that little burst of energy come from?
There are two types of energetic bursts – Fear energy and Love energy – and both are very powerful.
Fear energy is, for instance, when you show up to your job at your appointed starting time every day, even though this causes you to wake up much earlier than you want to, so that you don’t get in trouble with your boss. You are afraid to get into trouble, and that motivates you to get there at 8am promptly every day.
Love energy is, for instance, when you work for hours a week on your blog – that doesn’t make you any money – simply because it excites you and you love to do it. Your primary motivator in this situation is love of writing, connecting and sharing.
In both of these situations, there is powerful motivation at work, but each type of energy has a different feel to it.
In Fear energy, you are avoiding something that you don’t want to happen, so Fear energy essentially moves you farther away from something you don’t want. It propels you forward, but away.
In Love energy, you are going towards something that you desire, so Love energy essentially moves you closer to something you want. It propels you forward, and towards.
What things do you do out of Fear and what things do you do out of Love? Have you ever thought about it?
What does your life feel like if you have a preponderance of one or the other?
27 Questions To Help You Find Yourself
If you want the answers, you’ve got to ask the questions. You don’t have to ask them all. Just answer the ones that “call out to you.” See where they take you!
Find Yourself By Asking The Right Question
- Why?
- What has gone well?
- What has not gone well?
- How do (did) I feel?
- What do I fear?
- What motivates me?
- What are my goals?
- What do I want for my life?
- What do I value?
- What am I really good at?
- What is challenging for me?
- How do other people see me?
- What do I enjoy?
- Where am I dissatisfied in my life?
- Where do I get energy from?
- What takes energy away from me?
- How do I most want to contribute to others?
- What do I love to do?
- When do I feel alive?
- When do I feel the most “natural”?
- What do I hesitate to admit about myself?
- Where am I meeting resistance right now?
- What do I most want to create?
- If I was brave, what would I do?
- What are my dreams?
- What are my best gifts?
- What have I always wanted to try?
3 Essential Questions To Ask Yourself
Some people are looking for their Life Purpose. Some people are looking for that thing they love to do. And some people are just looking to know a little more about themselves.
Whatever you are looking for, these questions will bring you a little closer.
What do I want to create?
Create is the key word here. The question isn’t, “what do I want to get paid to do?” or “what do I want to be successful in?” it’s, “what do I want to bring into the world that wasn’t here before?”
When you focus on what it is you want to create, you draw from some place inside of you that doesn’t consider external circumstances or events, so the answer you get is based solely on you and what it is you love. When you create, you place a part of yourself out into the world.
How do I most want to give to others?
This question is important because it directs you to what you most think the world needs. There are infinite answers, and endless possibilities of how/where you can give.
When you look around you, what is it that you believe needs to be done? This question not only focuses on what you want, but on what you want that would fulfill a need for other people. Giving and creating go hand in hand.
What is my best contribution?
This question takes into account the things that you do best, and when you combine this answer with what you most want to give and what you most want to create, you come up with something that you are not only good at, but that the world needs and that you love to do.
Oddly enough, your best contribution might be something you’ve never attempted yet, but have probably been doing in some form or another in your life already. Think about times when you have felt at your best – what were you doing?
How to answer these questions
Let these answers arrive intuitively. Answer as quickly as you can without censoring yourself, and don’t judge what comes out.
Don’t think too much when answering. If you get stuck on a question, move on and come back to it later. Find ease when answering these questions.
Oh, and when you find that thing, start doing it. Get paid to do it, don’t get paid to do it. Do it for a job, or do it on the side. Whatever. Just start doing it.
Whatever you are looking for, these questions will bring you a little closer.
What do I want to create?
Create is the key word here. The question isn’t, “what do I want to get paid to do?” or “what do I want to be successful in?” it’s, “what do I want to bring into the world that wasn’t here before?”
When you focus on what it is you want to create, you draw from some place inside of you that doesn’t consider external circumstances or events, so the answer you get is based solely on you and what it is you love. When you create, you place a part of yourself out into the world.
How do I most want to give to others?
This question is important because it directs you to what you most think the world needs. There are infinite answers, and endless possibilities of how/where you can give.
When you look around you, what is it that you believe needs to be done? This question not only focuses on what you want, but on what you want that would fulfill a need for other people. Giving and creating go hand in hand.
What is my best contribution?
This question takes into account the things that you do best, and when you combine this answer with what you most want to give and what you most want to create, you come up with something that you are not only good at, but that the world needs and that you love to do.
Oddly enough, your best contribution might be something you’ve never attempted yet, but have probably been doing in some form or another in your life already. Think about times when you have felt at your best – what were you doing?
How to answer these questions
Let these answers arrive intuitively. Answer as quickly as you can without censoring yourself, and don’t judge what comes out.
Don’t think too much when answering. If you get stuck on a question, move on and come back to it later. Find ease when answering these questions.
Oh, and when you find that thing, start doing it. Get paid to do it, don’t get paid to do it. Do it for a job, or do it on the side. Whatever. Just start doing it.
25 Quotes When You Feel Stuck
Feeling stuck is never pleasant. Get moving again with the following 25 quotes.
1. Here is a rule to remember when anything tempts you to feel bitter: not, “This is a misfortune,” but “To bear this worthily is good fortune.” – Marcus Aurelius
2. You can be absolutely certain that when you feel you are being most unfairly tested, you are being prepared for great achievement. – Napoleon Hill
3. Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature…Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. – Helen Keller
4. Sorrow is a fruit. God does not allow it to grow on a branch that is too weak to bear it. – Victor Hugo
5. Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart…. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. – Carl Jung
6. Far better to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat. – Teddy Roosevelt
7. Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. – Kahlil Gibran
8. It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. – Joseph Campbell
9. Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. – Harriet Tubman
10. Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. – Langston Hughes
11. To unpathed waters, undreamed shores. – William Shakepeare
12. The more difficulties one has to encounter, within and without, the more significant and the higher in inspiration his life will be. – Horace Bushnell
13. Life has no smooth road for any of us; and in the bracing atmosphere of a high aim the very roughness stimulates the climber to steadier steps, till the legend, over steep ways to the stars, fulfills itself. – W. C. Doane
14. Success in the affairs of life often serves to hide one’s abilities, whereas adversity frequently gives one an opportunity to discover them. – Horace
15. There are no classes in life for beginners: right away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult. – Rainer Maria Rilke
16. Never let the fear of striking out get in your way. – George Herman “Babe” Ruth
17. He who fears being conquered is sure of defeat. – Napoleon Bonaparte
18. Life is truly known only to those who suffer, lose, endure adversity and stumble from defeat to defeat. – Anais Nin
19. If I’d observed all the rules, I’d never have got anywhere. – Marilyn Monroe
20. I never looked at the consequences of missing a big shot… when you think about the consequences you always think of a negative result. – Michael Jordan
21. I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun. – Katharine Hepburn
22. Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. – Bill Cosby
23. Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy. – Sigmund Freud
24. Don’t look forward to the day you stop suffering, because when it comes you’ll know you’re dead. – Tennessee Williams
25. All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience. – Henry William
1. Here is a rule to remember when anything tempts you to feel bitter: not, “This is a misfortune,” but “To bear this worthily is good fortune.” – Marcus Aurelius
2. You can be absolutely certain that when you feel you are being most unfairly tested, you are being prepared for great achievement. – Napoleon Hill
3. Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature…Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. – Helen Keller
4. Sorrow is a fruit. God does not allow it to grow on a branch that is too weak to bear it. – Victor Hugo
5. Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart…. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. – Carl Jung
6. Far better to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat. – Teddy Roosevelt
7. Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. – Kahlil Gibran
8. It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. – Joseph Campbell
9. Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. – Harriet Tubman
10. Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. – Langston Hughes
11. To unpathed waters, undreamed shores. – William Shakepeare
12. The more difficulties one has to encounter, within and without, the more significant and the higher in inspiration his life will be. – Horace Bushnell
13. Life has no smooth road for any of us; and in the bracing atmosphere of a high aim the very roughness stimulates the climber to steadier steps, till the legend, over steep ways to the stars, fulfills itself. – W. C. Doane
14. Success in the affairs of life often serves to hide one’s abilities, whereas adversity frequently gives one an opportunity to discover them. – Horace
15. There are no classes in life for beginners: right away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult. – Rainer Maria Rilke
16. Never let the fear of striking out get in your way. – George Herman “Babe” Ruth
17. He who fears being conquered is sure of defeat. – Napoleon Bonaparte
18. Life is truly known only to those who suffer, lose, endure adversity and stumble from defeat to defeat. – Anais Nin
19. If I’d observed all the rules, I’d never have got anywhere. – Marilyn Monroe
20. I never looked at the consequences of missing a big shot… when you think about the consequences you always think of a negative result. – Michael Jordan
21. I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun. – Katharine Hepburn
22. Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. – Bill Cosby
23. Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy. – Sigmund Freud
24. Don’t look forward to the day you stop suffering, because when it comes you’ll know you’re dead. – Tennessee Williams
25. All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience. – Henry William
How To Live In The Moment (When It’s The Last Place You Want To Be)
“Love the moment and the energy of the moment will spread beyond all boundaries.” - Corita Kent
The ability to stay in the moment is a goal that many of us have. It’s distressing to think that our lives are passing us by without us noticing. We only get a short amount of time here on Earth and each moment that passes is gone forever.
Even though we still “tune out” when our moments are pleasant, it’s easier to stay in the moment when you are enjoying it or you have “positive” emotions. But what about when the moment you are having is filled with “negative” emotions? Even though these moments aren’t pleasant they are still worthy of our attention – if for no other reason than you will never have them again. Your experience in life is filled with both positive emotions and negative emotions, and ultimately staying in the moment for both will help you lead a fuller life.
Here’s how you can live in the moment… when it’s the last place you want to be.
Life Is Joy…And Pain
Being mindful of the moment involves accepting that all of your moments are not pleasant. If you only want to be present in the enjoyable moments and not in the difficult ones, than ultimately, you’re missing half of your life. And living in the moment means being present for all of it.
Avoiding the painful moments is like trying to convince yourself that the sun always shines and night never comes. If we want to live a full day, we have to accept both light and darkness. It may not seem like it at the time, but your most painful moments have a purpose. Missing out on a painful moment is still missing a moment, even though you would rather not deal with it.
Gifts Come From Your Painful Experiences
If you learn to stay in the moment even when it’s painful, you will be able to receive the gifts your pain brings you. For instance, if you are bored you can either distract yourself by tuning out or you can be creative in finding something engaging to do. So, boredom gives you creativity and problem solving, but if you can’t stay with that boredom, all you get is escape.
Likewise, anger gives you the desire to take action (notice, I did not say “revenge”) and sadness gives you the desire to reflect. These “negative” emotions, while still unpleasant, drive you to do certain things that you need to do. But you have to stay with them, even when you don’t want to.
You Can Only Receive Your Gifts When You Receive The Moment
Escaping the moment is tempting when it feels unpleasant – there are so many ways you can distract yourself. But, in addition to not receiving the gifts of the moment, you also end us escaping from a good portion of your life. No matter if the moment you are having right now is pleasant or unpleasant it is still YOUR EXPERIENCE. And choosing not to live it, is throwing away a part of your existence. Don’t escape from your moments – live them! And you will find that you have the strength to experience all of them, not only the enjoyable ones.
How do you stay in the moment when the moment is challenging? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section.
The ability to stay in the moment is a goal that many of us have. It’s distressing to think that our lives are passing us by without us noticing. We only get a short amount of time here on Earth and each moment that passes is gone forever.
Even though we still “tune out” when our moments are pleasant, it’s easier to stay in the moment when you are enjoying it or you have “positive” emotions. But what about when the moment you are having is filled with “negative” emotions? Even though these moments aren’t pleasant they are still worthy of our attention – if for no other reason than you will never have them again. Your experience in life is filled with both positive emotions and negative emotions, and ultimately staying in the moment for both will help you lead a fuller life.
Here’s how you can live in the moment… when it’s the last place you want to be.
Life Is Joy…And Pain
Being mindful of the moment involves accepting that all of your moments are not pleasant. If you only want to be present in the enjoyable moments and not in the difficult ones, than ultimately, you’re missing half of your life. And living in the moment means being present for all of it.
Avoiding the painful moments is like trying to convince yourself that the sun always shines and night never comes. If we want to live a full day, we have to accept both light and darkness. It may not seem like it at the time, but your most painful moments have a purpose. Missing out on a painful moment is still missing a moment, even though you would rather not deal with it.
Gifts Come From Your Painful Experiences
If you learn to stay in the moment even when it’s painful, you will be able to receive the gifts your pain brings you. For instance, if you are bored you can either distract yourself by tuning out or you can be creative in finding something engaging to do. So, boredom gives you creativity and problem solving, but if you can’t stay with that boredom, all you get is escape.
Likewise, anger gives you the desire to take action (notice, I did not say “revenge”) and sadness gives you the desire to reflect. These “negative” emotions, while still unpleasant, drive you to do certain things that you need to do. But you have to stay with them, even when you don’t want to.
You Can Only Receive Your Gifts When You Receive The Moment
Escaping the moment is tempting when it feels unpleasant – there are so many ways you can distract yourself. But, in addition to not receiving the gifts of the moment, you also end us escaping from a good portion of your life. No matter if the moment you are having right now is pleasant or unpleasant it is still YOUR EXPERIENCE. And choosing not to live it, is throwing away a part of your existence. Don’t escape from your moments – live them! And you will find that you have the strength to experience all of them, not only the enjoyable ones.
How do you stay in the moment when the moment is challenging? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section.
Lost ? Find Yourself Again
Do you find yourself feeling harried and rushed throughout the day? Are you desperate to rest, but can’t seem to sit still? Does it seem that there is a never ending stream of activity that you must respond to?
This is an uncomfortable way to exist, but once you get started it’s hard to leave it behind. How do you leave it behind? Come back to your “Center” regularly.
Your Center Is A Focal Point For Your Life
Your center is a place within you that is always accessible. You can find peace of mind here because it’s where your Self lives. This is not the self that is identified with a job, or a school or a relationship. It’s just you, stripped away of all unnecessary things. You may not be sure how to find this, but there is a way to get there.
Often, the roles that we carry with us in life start to become the source of our identity. But if you’ve ever been out of work, or just graduated from school, or have just ended a relationship (or maybe all three at the same time!) you know that these events can make you feel like the ground has fallen from under your feet. Or that your life no longer has anything to revolve around (a center), and you can start feeling aimless and without purpose.
Luckily, none of our external roles is really our true identity. If you can return again and again to your true central point, when you switch roles it won’t feel so traumatic because you know that no matter what you are doing, no matter what roles you have, you are always standing on solid ground.
Your Center Is Where Your Self Lives
Philosophers, psychologists and many others have tried to define what the Self is, only to come up with just as many definitions. I like to think of the Self as all of those qualities and characteristics that make you unique. Even though there are many similiarities in the human experience there is also something that makes each individual different from one another, and that’s your Self – the qualities that make you different. Even though these qualities can mature, change and grow over the years, there is also something about them that stays the same. Your Self is a dynamic core.
Finding Your Center Involves 3 Things
It doesn’t take much, but it does require time and attention, plus a few things that facilitate the process.
Silence – In order to go to your center you have to eliminate the noise around you. Silence cuts out the distraction and sets the tone. This may feel boring at first, or make you feel restless. But there are many things to learn in silence. Even though it lacks sound, it can be one of the loudest teachers in your life. You may be very interested in what you find.
Space – I’ve talked about finding a space for reflection before, but basically it’s a place where you feel comfortable and peaceful and has meaning to you. What space allows you to easily find yourself? (It’s not necessarily physical.)
Meditation – Meditation can help you practice leaving distraction behind in order to focus on a center. When you meditate your mind will wander. The process of continually bringing your attention back to your focal point (breath, body part, mantra, etc.) mirrors the process of bringing yourself back to center. There will always be distractions, but you can always bring yourself back to your focal point.
Last Thoughts…
When you get to your center you should feel aware, clear, peaceful, optimistic and in touch with Life. One of the most important effects of coming back to center is perspective – namely, knowing what’s important and what’s not. It’s hard to have perspective when you are constantly distracted – that’s why it tends to be a reactive state of mind. If you can come back to your center regularly you’ll never get completely lost. Just temporarily distracted.
This is an uncomfortable way to exist, but once you get started it’s hard to leave it behind. How do you leave it behind? Come back to your “Center” regularly.
Your Center Is A Focal Point For Your Life
Your center is a place within you that is always accessible. You can find peace of mind here because it’s where your Self lives. This is not the self that is identified with a job, or a school or a relationship. It’s just you, stripped away of all unnecessary things. You may not be sure how to find this, but there is a way to get there.
Often, the roles that we carry with us in life start to become the source of our identity. But if you’ve ever been out of work, or just graduated from school, or have just ended a relationship (or maybe all three at the same time!) you know that these events can make you feel like the ground has fallen from under your feet. Or that your life no longer has anything to revolve around (a center), and you can start feeling aimless and without purpose.
Luckily, none of our external roles is really our true identity. If you can return again and again to your true central point, when you switch roles it won’t feel so traumatic because you know that no matter what you are doing, no matter what roles you have, you are always standing on solid ground.
Your Center Is Where Your Self Lives
Philosophers, psychologists and many others have tried to define what the Self is, only to come up with just as many definitions. I like to think of the Self as all of those qualities and characteristics that make you unique. Even though there are many similiarities in the human experience there is also something that makes each individual different from one another, and that’s your Self – the qualities that make you different. Even though these qualities can mature, change and grow over the years, there is also something about them that stays the same. Your Self is a dynamic core.
Finding Your Center Involves 3 Things
It doesn’t take much, but it does require time and attention, plus a few things that facilitate the process.
Silence – In order to go to your center you have to eliminate the noise around you. Silence cuts out the distraction and sets the tone. This may feel boring at first, or make you feel restless. But there are many things to learn in silence. Even though it lacks sound, it can be one of the loudest teachers in your life. You may be very interested in what you find.
Space – I’ve talked about finding a space for reflection before, but basically it’s a place where you feel comfortable and peaceful and has meaning to you. What space allows you to easily find yourself? (It’s not necessarily physical.)
Meditation – Meditation can help you practice leaving distraction behind in order to focus on a center. When you meditate your mind will wander. The process of continually bringing your attention back to your focal point (breath, body part, mantra, etc.) mirrors the process of bringing yourself back to center. There will always be distractions, but you can always bring yourself back to your focal point.
Last Thoughts…
When you get to your center you should feel aware, clear, peaceful, optimistic and in touch with Life. One of the most important effects of coming back to center is perspective – namely, knowing what’s important and what’s not. It’s hard to have perspective when you are constantly distracted – that’s why it tends to be a reactive state of mind. If you can come back to your center regularly you’ll never get completely lost. Just temporarily distracted.
See Yourself As Others Do
Looking within yourself is an essential part of self awareness, but without the ability to see yourself as others do, you won’t be able to manage what you communicate about yourself to others. The ability to connect what’s going on inside of you to how you appear on the outside is essential for communicating the right things about yourself, rather than leaving it up to the interpretation of others. The following steps will allow you to see yourself as others do.
Focus your attention on you
Too often, we get caught up in whatever is happening around us. It can feel as if we are always walking through a tornado. In order to manage this situation you need to bring your attention back to you. If you are not aware of what you are feeling/thinking, the situation manages you, you aren’t managing the situation.
The best way to bring your attention back to you is to focus on your breath. After following a few breaths, ask yourself “what do I feel?” Notice all the emotions and/or sensations you feel in your body (I feel tension in my shoulders. I feel frustrated. I need to stretch.). This step doesn’t have to last long, just 30 – 60 seconds. Just enough time to pay attention to yourself. If you want to know how others see you, you have to know what you are feeling first.
Be aware of your feelings and sensations
Once you have your attention on yourself, be aware of how your feelings and sensations affect what you are communicating outwardly. What do you look like when you get tired and your energy drops? What do you look like when you are concentrating? What you are feeling on the inside is not always what’s showing on the outside. Making adjustments to your outward appearance is based on knowing what you feel and comparing that with what you want to communicate.
For instance, if you get tired, your body language may suggest that you are bored, when that’s not the case. Knowing what you look like when you get tired can help you make adjustments so that people don’t think you find them boring.
How do I appear?
Once you are aware of what you feel and how those feelings are expressed in your outward appearance, you can begin to adjust them to fit what you want to communicate. Take notice of these things:
Facial Expression – Am I smiling? Are my eyes “bright”? Or, does my expression look flat or even angry?
Body Language – Am I displaying closed or open body language? Am I fidgeting or tapping my fingers? Is my posture appropriate or am I slouched?
Voice – Is my tone of voice even and steady? Am I speaking at the right pace? Do I sound short or agitated in my speech?
Clothes – Is the way that I am dressed communicating what I would like it to? Does my appearance reflect how I see myself?
Focus your attention on you
Too often, we get caught up in whatever is happening around us. It can feel as if we are always walking through a tornado. In order to manage this situation you need to bring your attention back to you. If you are not aware of what you are feeling/thinking, the situation manages you, you aren’t managing the situation.
The best way to bring your attention back to you is to focus on your breath. After following a few breaths, ask yourself “what do I feel?” Notice all the emotions and/or sensations you feel in your body (I feel tension in my shoulders. I feel frustrated. I need to stretch.). This step doesn’t have to last long, just 30 – 60 seconds. Just enough time to pay attention to yourself. If you want to know how others see you, you have to know what you are feeling first.
Be aware of your feelings and sensations
Once you have your attention on yourself, be aware of how your feelings and sensations affect what you are communicating outwardly. What do you look like when you get tired and your energy drops? What do you look like when you are concentrating? What you are feeling on the inside is not always what’s showing on the outside. Making adjustments to your outward appearance is based on knowing what you feel and comparing that with what you want to communicate.
For instance, if you get tired, your body language may suggest that you are bored, when that’s not the case. Knowing what you look like when you get tired can help you make adjustments so that people don’t think you find them boring.
How do I appear?
Once you are aware of what you feel and how those feelings are expressed in your outward appearance, you can begin to adjust them to fit what you want to communicate. Take notice of these things:
Facial Expression – Am I smiling? Are my eyes “bright”? Or, does my expression look flat or even angry?
Body Language – Am I displaying closed or open body language? Am I fidgeting or tapping my fingers? Is my posture appropriate or am I slouched?
Voice – Is my tone of voice even and steady? Am I speaking at the right pace? Do I sound short or agitated in my speech?
Clothes – Is the way that I am dressed communicating what I would like it to? Does my appearance reflect how I see myself?
How to Be Creative
Creativity is a priceless supporting factor of success. Can it be taught? Of course, but it won't happen overnight and need to be continuously practiced. However, sometimes creativity is a talent by birth. Then, how to improve our creativity? Here are 10 ways to be a creative person:
1. Do something different
Doing the same job continuously over time will make you feel saturated. In addition, Your knowledge and skill will be very limited to only one job. People who want to improve their creativity should dare to do things that they have never (or rarely) done before. Even better if the new activities support the development of your main job. For example: you are a professional singer, so if you want to improve your performance, you can start learning to play musical instruments like guitar and piano.
2. Communicate with a lot of people
Is there a relationship between creativity and communicate with a lot of people? Of course there is. Communication is often lead to ideas that you have never imagined before. Sounds simple but effective. If you ask politely, there are many people who want to give their knowledge and point of view towards something voluntarily. Join a community and communicate actively, you'll find lots of ideas and opportunities from there.
3. Read often
It's quite simple, high-intensity reading will increase your knowledge of various things. Newspapers, books, magazines, online news portals, and ebooks are examples of reading materials that can be useful for you. The amount of insights and knowledge you have will greatly improve your creativity too. Why? Because when you face a challenge you can think, plan, and act according to information stored in your brain. Remember! Accurate information is one important factor that determines your success. Such information can be obtained by reading a lot ( besides doing your own research or asking someone).
4. Make time for yourself
A quiet place and environment make you able to think and concentrate well. Otherwise, if you do something while conversing with others, it will distract your concentration and you won't be able to work effectively
5. Curious about anything
When you're building skills and creativity, you should always have a strong curiosity about anything. "Why" and "how if" are good questions to improve your creativity. Eventually you can produce or discover something that has never produced or discovered by others. Do you remember Sir Isaac Newton? The law of gravitation was the result of his curiosity after seeing an apple fell from a tree. It probably won't exist if he didn't ask himself "Why did it happen?". Eliminate fear, build curiosity!
6. Write down anything that's on your mind
I have a habit that is very helpful to improve my creativity. I often carry a notebook and pen wherever I go. Why? Because ideas can come up anytime and can be quickly forgotten if you don't write them in notebook. Good ideas are priceless. If I want to find topics for my articles, I will look for them in my notebook.
7. Observe others
Creativity can also be built by observing and studying what others do. You can get ideas and knowledge to make something by yourself. Watch and learn from the best!
8. Challenge yourself
You must always be willing to develop yourself and don't linger in the comfort zone to be a creative person. Make plans within a period of time and challenge yourself to realize your plans. If you've become an employee for many years why not try to develop your own business? The changes will force you to learn something new and with perseverance, your efforts won't be in vain.
9. Take time for rest and relaxation
Working in a long time will drain your energy and exhaust your mind. At that time, you won't be able to think clearly and work effectively. Rest for a moment and do something you like to restore your performance.
10. Develop positive beliefs
The belief that all problems can be solved is a good attitude to enhance creativity. There's a time when your ideas and activities may be underestimated by anyone else, but if you're sure of what you do, keep doing it and prove yourself! Creative people will thrive when they are in bad times as long as they keep optimistic.
Those are 10 ways to be a creative person.
1. Do something different
Doing the same job continuously over time will make you feel saturated. In addition, Your knowledge and skill will be very limited to only one job. People who want to improve their creativity should dare to do things that they have never (or rarely) done before. Even better if the new activities support the development of your main job. For example: you are a professional singer, so if you want to improve your performance, you can start learning to play musical instruments like guitar and piano.
2. Communicate with a lot of people
Is there a relationship between creativity and communicate with a lot of people? Of course there is. Communication is often lead to ideas that you have never imagined before. Sounds simple but effective. If you ask politely, there are many people who want to give their knowledge and point of view towards something voluntarily. Join a community and communicate actively, you'll find lots of ideas and opportunities from there.
3. Read often
It's quite simple, high-intensity reading will increase your knowledge of various things. Newspapers, books, magazines, online news portals, and ebooks are examples of reading materials that can be useful for you. The amount of insights and knowledge you have will greatly improve your creativity too. Why? Because when you face a challenge you can think, plan, and act according to information stored in your brain. Remember! Accurate information is one important factor that determines your success. Such information can be obtained by reading a lot ( besides doing your own research or asking someone).
4. Make time for yourself
A quiet place and environment make you able to think and concentrate well. Otherwise, if you do something while conversing with others, it will distract your concentration and you won't be able to work effectively
5. Curious about anything
When you're building skills and creativity, you should always have a strong curiosity about anything. "Why" and "how if" are good questions to improve your creativity. Eventually you can produce or discover something that has never produced or discovered by others. Do you remember Sir Isaac Newton? The law of gravitation was the result of his curiosity after seeing an apple fell from a tree. It probably won't exist if he didn't ask himself "Why did it happen?". Eliminate fear, build curiosity!
6. Write down anything that's on your mind
I have a habit that is very helpful to improve my creativity. I often carry a notebook and pen wherever I go. Why? Because ideas can come up anytime and can be quickly forgotten if you don't write them in notebook. Good ideas are priceless. If I want to find topics for my articles, I will look for them in my notebook.
7. Observe others
Creativity can also be built by observing and studying what others do. You can get ideas and knowledge to make something by yourself. Watch and learn from the best!
8. Challenge yourself
You must always be willing to develop yourself and don't linger in the comfort zone to be a creative person. Make plans within a period of time and challenge yourself to realize your plans. If you've become an employee for many years why not try to develop your own business? The changes will force you to learn something new and with perseverance, your efforts won't be in vain.
9. Take time for rest and relaxation
Working in a long time will drain your energy and exhaust your mind. At that time, you won't be able to think clearly and work effectively. Rest for a moment and do something you like to restore your performance.
10. Develop positive beliefs
The belief that all problems can be solved is a good attitude to enhance creativity. There's a time when your ideas and activities may be underestimated by anyone else, but if you're sure of what you do, keep doing it and prove yourself! Creative people will thrive when they are in bad times as long as they keep optimistic.
Those are 10 ways to be a creative person.
Listen To Your Emotions
“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion.” – Dale Carnegie
Your emotions are intelligent. If you listen to them, they will send you messages. This is not advice we regularly hear. Mostly, when we think about people who are emotional, we think of hysterics and out of control behavior. But, feeling out of control only happens when your emotions are managing you and you are not managing them.
In order to manage your emotions, it is essential that you trust your emotions. And trust begins when you believe that your emotions are trying to tell you something, and you listen to them. Here is how to trust, and listen to, your emotions.
Feel Your Emotions
There is a difference between feeling your emotions and indulging your emotions. Indulging your emotions means wallowing in them. At that point, your emotions are managing you. Indulging your emotions makes you feel as if you are sinking into them, your feet no longer have solid ground beneath them. And, you feel powerless to stop the sinking.
On the other hand, feeling your emotions means you are noticing the sensations that they create in your body. For instance, when I’m feeling sad my body feels heavy and sluggish. Those sensations are how I feel my sadness. But, though I can feel them, I’m not sinking into them. I can feel my emotions while still maintaining a sense of my own self.
Identify Your Emotions
Oftentimes, when we feel a lot of strong emotion at a particular event or circumstance, there is more than one emotion at work. Teasing out exactly what you feel helps you to know what steps to take next. This is a part of why we get so overwhelmed. When we can’t name our emotions, we feel overpowered by them. We are just a jumble of feelings.
Listen To Your Emotions
Naming your emotions and feeling them in your body allows you, all at once, to pay attention to them without losing your sense of self in them. Your emotions at any given time are one part of your experience, they are not the whole thing.
Listening to your emotions is simple. Just ask “Why do I feel ( insert whatever emotion you are feeling).” The answer you get back is the message you are supposed to get. You will have to ask “Why” a few times to get to the root of the emotion. Unfortunately, the root of the emotion my be unpleasant or painful, but it’s this awareness that will move you forward in your life and help you to grow as you should.
For example, you are working on a project at work and it’s not going as well as you would like. You feel intensely frustrated and you ask “why?”. You realize that since you started this job, you haven’t felt comfortable in it. When you ask “why” again, you realize that you don’t feel competent in your role. As you ask again, you realize that you often view yourself as not being “good enough.” You can then take action on this belief about yourself because it is the root of your emotion.
Asking For Help
Asking “why” and receiving answers can get painful, but ultimately you will come to the root of the emotion and that root is what you need to take action on. At some point in the process, if things become too painful or you feel stuck, it would be wise to seek out someone trained in helping people through difficult emotions. You may not need this help, but you might. Being self aware doesn’t mean you have to do it all by yourself, it just means you have to be committed to the process. So don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it.
Listening to your emotions is not a self indulgent activity, it is an important activity for your personal growth and development. Trust your emotions.
Your emotions are intelligent. If you listen to them, they will send you messages. This is not advice we regularly hear. Mostly, when we think about people who are emotional, we think of hysterics and out of control behavior. But, feeling out of control only happens when your emotions are managing you and you are not managing them.
In order to manage your emotions, it is essential that you trust your emotions. And trust begins when you believe that your emotions are trying to tell you something, and you listen to them. Here is how to trust, and listen to, your emotions.
Feel Your Emotions
There is a difference between feeling your emotions and indulging your emotions. Indulging your emotions means wallowing in them. At that point, your emotions are managing you. Indulging your emotions makes you feel as if you are sinking into them, your feet no longer have solid ground beneath them. And, you feel powerless to stop the sinking.
On the other hand, feeling your emotions means you are noticing the sensations that they create in your body. For instance, when I’m feeling sad my body feels heavy and sluggish. Those sensations are how I feel my sadness. But, though I can feel them, I’m not sinking into them. I can feel my emotions while still maintaining a sense of my own self.
Identify Your Emotions
Oftentimes, when we feel a lot of strong emotion at a particular event or circumstance, there is more than one emotion at work. Teasing out exactly what you feel helps you to know what steps to take next. This is a part of why we get so overwhelmed. When we can’t name our emotions, we feel overpowered by them. We are just a jumble of feelings.
Listen To Your Emotions
Naming your emotions and feeling them in your body allows you, all at once, to pay attention to them without losing your sense of self in them. Your emotions at any given time are one part of your experience, they are not the whole thing.
Listening to your emotions is simple. Just ask “Why do I feel ( insert whatever emotion you are feeling).” The answer you get back is the message you are supposed to get. You will have to ask “Why” a few times to get to the root of the emotion. Unfortunately, the root of the emotion my be unpleasant or painful, but it’s this awareness that will move you forward in your life and help you to grow as you should.
For example, you are working on a project at work and it’s not going as well as you would like. You feel intensely frustrated and you ask “why?”. You realize that since you started this job, you haven’t felt comfortable in it. When you ask “why” again, you realize that you don’t feel competent in your role. As you ask again, you realize that you often view yourself as not being “good enough.” You can then take action on this belief about yourself because it is the root of your emotion.
Asking For Help
Asking “why” and receiving answers can get painful, but ultimately you will come to the root of the emotion and that root is what you need to take action on. At some point in the process, if things become too painful or you feel stuck, it would be wise to seek out someone trained in helping people through difficult emotions. You may not need this help, but you might. Being self aware doesn’t mean you have to do it all by yourself, it just means you have to be committed to the process. So don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it.
Listening to your emotions is not a self indulgent activity, it is an important activity for your personal growth and development. Trust your emotions.
Be Idle and Achieve
Idle time is one of the least valued and most valued things in our lives. Least valued because we tend to think that faster is always better and most valued because we’re already going so fast that all we want is to be able to slow down. Periods of slowness are important not because of what we are doing, but because of what we are not doing.
You Need Idle Time to Examine Yourself Objectively
Without time for self reflection you can’t see yourself. Self reflection is like being out of body and looking at yourself at the way another person would look at you. (Although you have an advantage because you also know your thoughts and feelings.) This is necessary in order to be able to evaluate how things are going – to decide what parts of your life should go and what needs to stay. This is a period of time that gives you the proper perspective to make decisions. Although self reflection needs vary among people, don’t cut out this time with yourself alltogether.
Slowing Down Helps You Avoid Sloppy Mistakes
Being quick or timely is not the same thing as being rushed. We need to be able to do things quickly, and as we gain more experience doing something we are able to do things quicker, but with the same amount of quality. Rushing is speed without quality.
Have you ever rushed around your house in the morning, barely making it out of the door on time, and then realized that your keys are in your house, behind your locked door?
Great Solutions and Insights Tend to Happen When You Are Engaged in a Simple Activity
I always have great ideas in the car or when I’m doing something routine. I hear a lot of people say that they have great ideas in the shower or when they are taking a walk or doing some other form of physical activity. Giving our busy minds a rest seems to bring out the best in them.
In his book Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has this to say about the “Aha! Experience.”
The insight presumably occurs when a subconsious connection between ideas fits so well that it is forced to pop out into awareness, like a cork held underwater breaking out into the air after it is released. (p. 104)
But, in order to have a “subconscious connection” you can’t be directly thinking about the problem or idea you are working on. The idea needs some room to work. You see, even when we are not doing much of anything, great things still do happen.
You Need Idle Time to Examine Yourself Objectively
Without time for self reflection you can’t see yourself. Self reflection is like being out of body and looking at yourself at the way another person would look at you. (Although you have an advantage because you also know your thoughts and feelings.) This is necessary in order to be able to evaluate how things are going – to decide what parts of your life should go and what needs to stay. This is a period of time that gives you the proper perspective to make decisions. Although self reflection needs vary among people, don’t cut out this time with yourself alltogether.
Slowing Down Helps You Avoid Sloppy Mistakes
Being quick or timely is not the same thing as being rushed. We need to be able to do things quickly, and as we gain more experience doing something we are able to do things quicker, but with the same amount of quality. Rushing is speed without quality.
Have you ever rushed around your house in the morning, barely making it out of the door on time, and then realized that your keys are in your house, behind your locked door?
Great Solutions and Insights Tend to Happen When You Are Engaged in a Simple Activity
I always have great ideas in the car or when I’m doing something routine. I hear a lot of people say that they have great ideas in the shower or when they are taking a walk or doing some other form of physical activity. Giving our busy minds a rest seems to bring out the best in them.
In his book Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has this to say about the “Aha! Experience.”
The insight presumably occurs when a subconsious connection between ideas fits so well that it is forced to pop out into awareness, like a cork held underwater breaking out into the air after it is released. (p. 104)
But, in order to have a “subconscious connection” you can’t be directly thinking about the problem or idea you are working on. The idea needs some room to work. You see, even when we are not doing much of anything, great things still do happen.
Joy Of Resting
“Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgement will be surer. Go some distance away because then the work appears smaller and more of it can be taken in at a glance and a lack of harmony and proportion is more readily seen.” – Leonardo da Vinci
Do you think that you get enough rest in your life? I don’t just mean sleep either, although that’s part of it. I simply mean downtime, time to relax and rejuvenate, time to think and just meander along.
We like schedules. We like color-coded schedules. We are great doers, but not so great resters. But, activity is most productive when followed by rest. Activity and rest go together like Night and Day – you can’t have one without the other. Constantly doing from 6am to Midnight is actually the same thing as laying around from 6am to Midnight. How would you feel if the Sun never went down? Or if it was dark all the time?
The Art of Resting
The following activities are essential for mastering the art of resting. How many of these do you excel at? Actually, don’t worry about it – it’s rest, right?
Eating- Technically, shoving a sandwich in your face at your desk while you answer emails is eating, as is snacking from a bag of chips while lounging on your sofa watching TV. However, truly enjoyable eating involves actually tasting your food as well as fueling your body. Not every meal has to be 5 courses and last for hours, but following a few steps will make your meals much more pleasant. Sit down (or stand, depending) at a table. Eat slower. Notice what you are tasting. Preferably, eat with other people.
Playing – Get a hobby or two, and when you spend time on your hobby, do so in a playful way. Don’t make any goals - just see where the activity takes you. Or, if you have to make a goal, make it to simply explore. You’ll find yourself being more creative and enjoying yourself more. Playing is not just for kids.
Napping – Find a couch or a bed or a sunny spot on the floor. Lie down. Fall asleep.
Strolling – Walking is a great way to rest. But not brisk walking, just strolling. When you stroll you notice things that you don’t normally pay attention to, and the methodical movement is helpful for putting your mind at rest. Also, strolling outside brings you in contact with nature, where you can get some perspective.
Conversing - Conversation doesn’t have to be about the meaning of life or any other deep philosophical topics to be pleasant and restful, just an enjoyable exchange of information and thoughts. Also, a conversation requires skillful listening as well as skillful talking. See if you can listen to what the other person is saying without thinking of what you are going to say next.
Meandering – Take some time to simply let yourself flit from one activity to another. Water the plants in your house, rearrange the book shelf a bit, play with the dog or cat for a few minutes. Move from one activity to the next without thinking much about it. Just see what catches your attention.
Sitting – Sitting is really the epitome of resting. You could sit near a window and watch whatever is outside, you could focus on your breathing (not necessarily in meditation, but that works too), but the idea of sitting is not to do anything and not even to necessarily think anything. Sometimes we can put our bodies to rest, but our minds tend to keep spinning their wheels.
What other activities do you think are essential for quality rest? What do you find yourself wanting to do when you need to rest?
Do you think that you get enough rest in your life? I don’t just mean sleep either, although that’s part of it. I simply mean downtime, time to relax and rejuvenate, time to think and just meander along.
We like schedules. We like color-coded schedules. We are great doers, but not so great resters. But, activity is most productive when followed by rest. Activity and rest go together like Night and Day – you can’t have one without the other. Constantly doing from 6am to Midnight is actually the same thing as laying around from 6am to Midnight. How would you feel if the Sun never went down? Or if it was dark all the time?
The Art of Resting
The following activities are essential for mastering the art of resting. How many of these do you excel at? Actually, don’t worry about it – it’s rest, right?
Eating- Technically, shoving a sandwich in your face at your desk while you answer emails is eating, as is snacking from a bag of chips while lounging on your sofa watching TV. However, truly enjoyable eating involves actually tasting your food as well as fueling your body. Not every meal has to be 5 courses and last for hours, but following a few steps will make your meals much more pleasant. Sit down (or stand, depending) at a table. Eat slower. Notice what you are tasting. Preferably, eat with other people.
Playing – Get a hobby or two, and when you spend time on your hobby, do so in a playful way. Don’t make any goals - just see where the activity takes you. Or, if you have to make a goal, make it to simply explore. You’ll find yourself being more creative and enjoying yourself more. Playing is not just for kids.
Napping – Find a couch or a bed or a sunny spot on the floor. Lie down. Fall asleep.
Strolling – Walking is a great way to rest. But not brisk walking, just strolling. When you stroll you notice things that you don’t normally pay attention to, and the methodical movement is helpful for putting your mind at rest. Also, strolling outside brings you in contact with nature, where you can get some perspective.
Conversing - Conversation doesn’t have to be about the meaning of life or any other deep philosophical topics to be pleasant and restful, just an enjoyable exchange of information and thoughts. Also, a conversation requires skillful listening as well as skillful talking. See if you can listen to what the other person is saying without thinking of what you are going to say next.
Meandering – Take some time to simply let yourself flit from one activity to another. Water the plants in your house, rearrange the book shelf a bit, play with the dog or cat for a few minutes. Move from one activity to the next without thinking much about it. Just see what catches your attention.
Sitting – Sitting is really the epitome of resting. You could sit near a window and watch whatever is outside, you could focus on your breathing (not necessarily in meditation, but that works too), but the idea of sitting is not to do anything and not even to necessarily think anything. Sometimes we can put our bodies to rest, but our minds tend to keep spinning their wheels.
What other activities do you think are essential for quality rest? What do you find yourself wanting to do when you need to rest?
The Best Way To Give Is To Do Whatever You Want
Many people think that giving involves unreasonable sacrifice, unpleasantness, and, in general, doing things that you don’t want to do, but which you have to do for another person. Or, another way of saying this is that many people think that giving is having something taken from them - their time, their money, their leisure. So, giving is seen as an activity that is necessary, but not necessarily enjoyable. And it certainly doesn’t involve giving things that you love to do, or that are pleasant for you to experience.
However, giving in its highest form actually involves three things: 1) it is done voluntarily (no feelings of resentment), 2) it is done joyfully (it is pleasant to give of yourself in a particular line of work, for a cause you believe in, or for a person you care about), and 3) it is done with no expectations of anything (you are not looking for something in return). The power behind giving is in the intention behind it.
One of the most important ways you give to mankind is in your daily activities, simply because it makes up the majority of your day! Choosing work and activities that you enjoy, that you love, is very important in fulfilling all three of the above aspects of giving. In short, if you do whatever you want, the things that come from that will be your best gift to mankind.
What you enjoy the most you have the potential to excel at
Spending time on activities/work that you don’t really care about, usually doesn’t lead to great things, although it can lead to average and even above average things. Simply because you are not engaged enough in the activity to really be creative. Usually, when we are doing something that we don’t really want to do, we do it to a certain point and then stop. We get it done, and then leave it alone, because we’d rather be doing something else. If you are doing something at an average or an above average level, that is a gift, but it’s not the best gift you can give.
In order to give your best gift you have to really be engaged in what you are doing, you have to really care about it because then you want to be creative, you want to figure out new and better ways of doing something, you want this thing to be the best quality that it can be, and you want it to be done timely. In short, because you love this thing, you are not going to stop until you feel it’s at its best. And, giving the gift of an excellent job done is always better than giving an average job.
Being more engaged in what you do, you will also be more innovative, because you are spending time on this activity and because you want it to be its best. It is enjoyable in itself to simply do the activity, so you tend to play around with it more. This innovation is important because basically, innovations solve problems, and on planet Earth, we have a lot of problems to solve. And, it’s this problem solving that essentially leads to the progress we make as human beings. But, you really have to want to play with your work first, which brings me to my next point.
In order to be Creative, you have to Play
Playing is very important in the problem-solving process. When is the last time you played around with something that you didn’t really like or even felt neutral about? Probably never. If we don’t really want to do something, we usually just do it as much as we have to and then leave it alone. The aspects of play make it so that we really have to enjoy an activity if we are going to play around with it.
Think about a time when you “tinkered around” with something. Or even think about when you played as a kid. What qualities did that experience possess? And now, compare that experience with a lot of the activities you do everyday. Do you play very much?
Play involves a certain “lightness of action,” really a detachment, because while you are playing you are not really afraid of the outcome of that play. Every outcome is fine. Even failure. (If there even is such a think when we are playing.)
Curiosity is also important and is related to ”lightness of action.” You ask questions, you try your hypothesis, and you see what you get. But you’re not really that worried about what you get.
Also, playing is enjoyable in and of itself. Or, maybe I should say the activity is enjoyable in and of itself. And, because of that, you lose sense of time. The clock does not matter when you play. These aspects of play that I am describing are also part of a concept called Flow developed by the psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Bottom line, you won’t play with something you don’t really enjoy, and therefore the potential to be really creative is restricted.
When you are delighted, so is everyone else around you
Have you ever been around someone who really enjoyed what they do? Do you remember how that impacted the atmosphere around you? Contrast that to being around or working around someone who is miserable and how that impacts the atmosphere.
People who are delighted in what they do often have a positive impact on the people around them. It is highly enjoyable to watch someone who is engaging in an activity that brings them joy. I think it’s because it reminds us that there are things that bring us joy also. And, they even inspire us to seek out what brings us joy. Joyful people doing things they delight in set off a ripple of joy in the people around them.
To sum it up, doing the things that you want to do in life is not a selfish pursuit. In fact, it helps you to give what is best inside of you, helps you to play more often, and therefore, solve more of life’s vexing problems, and helps you to bring an atmosphere of joy with you, rather than the opposite. So, what do you want to do?
However, giving in its highest form actually involves three things: 1) it is done voluntarily (no feelings of resentment), 2) it is done joyfully (it is pleasant to give of yourself in a particular line of work, for a cause you believe in, or for a person you care about), and 3) it is done with no expectations of anything (you are not looking for something in return). The power behind giving is in the intention behind it.
One of the most important ways you give to mankind is in your daily activities, simply because it makes up the majority of your day! Choosing work and activities that you enjoy, that you love, is very important in fulfilling all three of the above aspects of giving. In short, if you do whatever you want, the things that come from that will be your best gift to mankind.
What you enjoy the most you have the potential to excel at
Spending time on activities/work that you don’t really care about, usually doesn’t lead to great things, although it can lead to average and even above average things. Simply because you are not engaged enough in the activity to really be creative. Usually, when we are doing something that we don’t really want to do, we do it to a certain point and then stop. We get it done, and then leave it alone, because we’d rather be doing something else. If you are doing something at an average or an above average level, that is a gift, but it’s not the best gift you can give.
In order to give your best gift you have to really be engaged in what you are doing, you have to really care about it because then you want to be creative, you want to figure out new and better ways of doing something, you want this thing to be the best quality that it can be, and you want it to be done timely. In short, because you love this thing, you are not going to stop until you feel it’s at its best. And, giving the gift of an excellent job done is always better than giving an average job.
Being more engaged in what you do, you will also be more innovative, because you are spending time on this activity and because you want it to be its best. It is enjoyable in itself to simply do the activity, so you tend to play around with it more. This innovation is important because basically, innovations solve problems, and on planet Earth, we have a lot of problems to solve. And, it’s this problem solving that essentially leads to the progress we make as human beings. But, you really have to want to play with your work first, which brings me to my next point.
In order to be Creative, you have to Play
Playing is very important in the problem-solving process. When is the last time you played around with something that you didn’t really like or even felt neutral about? Probably never. If we don’t really want to do something, we usually just do it as much as we have to and then leave it alone. The aspects of play make it so that we really have to enjoy an activity if we are going to play around with it.
Think about a time when you “tinkered around” with something. Or even think about when you played as a kid. What qualities did that experience possess? And now, compare that experience with a lot of the activities you do everyday. Do you play very much?
Play involves a certain “lightness of action,” really a detachment, because while you are playing you are not really afraid of the outcome of that play. Every outcome is fine. Even failure. (If there even is such a think when we are playing.)
Curiosity is also important and is related to ”lightness of action.” You ask questions, you try your hypothesis, and you see what you get. But you’re not really that worried about what you get.
Also, playing is enjoyable in and of itself. Or, maybe I should say the activity is enjoyable in and of itself. And, because of that, you lose sense of time. The clock does not matter when you play. These aspects of play that I am describing are also part of a concept called Flow developed by the psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Bottom line, you won’t play with something you don’t really enjoy, and therefore the potential to be really creative is restricted.
When you are delighted, so is everyone else around you
Have you ever been around someone who really enjoyed what they do? Do you remember how that impacted the atmosphere around you? Contrast that to being around or working around someone who is miserable and how that impacts the atmosphere.
People who are delighted in what they do often have a positive impact on the people around them. It is highly enjoyable to watch someone who is engaging in an activity that brings them joy. I think it’s because it reminds us that there are things that bring us joy also. And, they even inspire us to seek out what brings us joy. Joyful people doing things they delight in set off a ripple of joy in the people around them.
To sum it up, doing the things that you want to do in life is not a selfish pursuit. In fact, it helps you to give what is best inside of you, helps you to play more often, and therefore, solve more of life’s vexing problems, and helps you to bring an atmosphere of joy with you, rather than the opposite. So, what do you want to do?
The Top Ten Reasons to Play1. Play is the path to fun and profit. Play opens up new channels of creativity and increases the level of satisfaction we
1. Play is the path to fun and profit.
Play opens up new channels of creativity and increases the level of satisfaction we experience at work. How employees feel about their company is directly related to their level of productivity and creativity. Research shows that highly motivated employees are up to 127% more productive than averagely motivated employees in high complexity jobs. — Fortune Magazine, January 1998.
2. "Fun is the new status symbol." *
Studies show, if you want to attract and keep talent, you need to have a fun, challenging and creative workplace environment. It's your talent that sets your business apart from the competition.
3. "Non-stop work is for losers" *
Play is as important as work. The quality of our work suffers if we don't take the time to play. We live in a workaholic society in North America. Being addicted to busyness is a product of low self-worth.
4. Even God rested on the 7th day!
And universities have a tradition of offering sabbaticals.
5. We need time to be idle.
Taking time to do nothing lets problems incubate and allows for creativity to flow. Children who are allowed to daydream develop a higher IQ.
6. Play helps us find our genius.
Our childhood passions are the key to our genius. In the midst of play we experience unlimited possibilities.
7. Play is crucial to attaining a work/life balance.
A work/life balance (not money) is the number one concern of employees at all levels, in Canada and the U.S. The ability to achieve this is the top determinant in whether they are happy on the job, and whether they stay or leave.
8. The bow kept forever taut will break. - Zen saying
Play helps us relax and let go. Play generates joy. Play replenishes and revitalizes our human spirit. It clears the mental cobwebs that keep us from thinking clearly.
9. Play is smart corporate strategy for solving problems.
Play frees us from worry and stress, relaxing the brain and making it easier to be more creative. Solutions that seemed so evasive earlier now appear effortlessly in the midst of play.
10. Play keeps our passions alive in the workplace.
Studies show, if you want to attract and keep talent, you need to have a fun, challenging and creative workplace environment. It's your talent that sets your business apart from the competition.
*Source: Report on Business Magazine, Aug. 1999
www.creativityatwork.com
Why Giving Money Away Benefits You
Do you ever look at the world and think of all the things you would change? Is there something that is particularly important to you that you wish society took more seriously? Then practice Philanthropy. The word “Philanthropy” makes us think of billionaires, huge sums of money, and having a wing of a building named after you. But, philanthropy simply means “a love of mankind” and can be practiced by anyone with any level of income and assets. No matter how small your gift, giving your money to an organization or a cause that you value is an investment in those values. Give away your money and you will help to further the things that matter most to you.
There are 2 Main Benefits to Giving Away Your Money.
Investing in Your Values - Ok, so you’re not a billionaire. In fact, you can only make a gift of $25 (or maybe less). You should still gift that money to something you feel strongly about. It’s not so much the amount of your gift, it’s the intention behind the gift. You have to think about what you feel strongly about and how you would like to see that thing used in society. Philanthropy is really about having a strong desire to see something grow or be created in the community. It’s the desire that makes the gift powerful.
“We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love.” – Mother Teresa
Your Money Has Less Power Over You- How often do you worry about money? Do you wonder what would happen if you lost it? Do you think about how you are going to pay for everything you need (and want)? Voluntarily and happily giving your money away (no matter how small) has a way of making you feel more in control of your money (no matter how much you have) rather than the other way around. When we feel we don’t have enough money, our first response is to hoard it. This is in response to fear. By choosing not to make a decision out of fear, we have taken back some of the power that money usually holds over us.
“Money often costs too much.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
How To Choose What to Give Your Money To
Philanthropy is not a competition. No cause is more or less important than any other – there are only causes that are more important to you because you have a connection or a strong interest in them. Answer these questions to help direct your thoughts.
1. Imagine yourself as a billionaire with plenty of money with which to make large gifts and make a significant difference. What would you give to?
2. What do you want to see changed in the world?
3. What distresses you most about the world?
4. Does your immediate community have a need that you believe needs to be filled?
5. Think about organizations that you were or are a part of (schools, sports teams, clubs, churches, etc). Do you feel strongly enough about any of them to give to them?
6. Think about things that have given you something in life you wouldn’t have had otherwise (an art program that helped your creativity, a sports team that taught you about teamwork, a pet you rescued from a shelter, etc).
7. Think about great experiences you have had in your life. Could someone else benefit from that experience?
8. What are your top 5 values in life? What could you give to that would further those values?
“The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving.” – Albert Einstein
The Joy of Walking
Do you ever reach a point in the day when you feel like you just can’t think anymore? Do you want to exercise more during the week but find it inconvenient to do so? Are you too tired and stressed to hit the gym or go running after work? If so, consider taking a walk.
Even though walking may seem slow and not painful enough to bring you any real benefits, walking is an activity that is not only beneficial, but can provide several benefits at once. Next time you need a break or some exercise, take a walk. Not everything needs to be punishment.
Walking is Good Exercise
It’s not going to put you in the same kind of shape as an Olympic athlete, but if you are someone looking for a general level of fitness and the health benefits that come along with that, walking is a great activity. For instance, if you went out for a walk on your lunch break at work and walked at a moderate pace (1.5 kph) on a level surface, you would burn 136 calories (for a 130 lb person). How many calories do you burn if you meant to go running, but were too tired to go?
Walking is Convenient
One of my favorite things about walking is that it does not require me to change my clothes (if I’m walking at a light/moderate pace). This makes it a great activity to do at work or any other time when I have a spare 15 minutes. Also, walking can be done in a lot of settings. You can walk outside around your office building, you can walk in the mall, you can walk up stairs, or you can walk to the store. Not to mention that your feet are actually a form of transportation. If you live in an area that supports it, walking to get to where you need to go kills two birds with one stone.
Walking Brings Peace of Mind and Great Insights
If you are looking for a mental break in your daily routine, walking is peaceful and relaxing. If you are walking outside – which I highly recommend as much as possible – being around nature has a way of changing your perspective. That project that you are worried about, the one that you have no idea how to get started on, it suddenly seems much clearer to you. Walking is also used as a form of meditation. I don’t know why it works, but when you are alone and moving on autopilot (hopefully you don’t have to think about putting one foot in front of the other ) creative thoughts and insights just seem to come to you.
“All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.” Friedrich Nietzsche
Last Thoughts…
If you are a runner and you love to run and you find it beneficial, then don’t stop. But, if you are a runner and you find yourself making excuses for why you can’t (read: don’t want to) run or you hate running to begin with or you’re just looking for some peace and calm, consider walking. You can burn calories, spend time in nature, and become more mindful all at the same time while taking a break from work. No pain, all gain.
Even though walking may seem slow and not painful enough to bring you any real benefits, walking is an activity that is not only beneficial, but can provide several benefits at once. Next time you need a break or some exercise, take a walk. Not everything needs to be punishment.
Walking is Good Exercise
It’s not going to put you in the same kind of shape as an Olympic athlete, but if you are someone looking for a general level of fitness and the health benefits that come along with that, walking is a great activity. For instance, if you went out for a walk on your lunch break at work and walked at a moderate pace (1.5 kph) on a level surface, you would burn 136 calories (for a 130 lb person). How many calories do you burn if you meant to go running, but were too tired to go?
Walking is Convenient
One of my favorite things about walking is that it does not require me to change my clothes (if I’m walking at a light/moderate pace). This makes it a great activity to do at work or any other time when I have a spare 15 minutes. Also, walking can be done in a lot of settings. You can walk outside around your office building, you can walk in the mall, you can walk up stairs, or you can walk to the store. Not to mention that your feet are actually a form of transportation. If you live in an area that supports it, walking to get to where you need to go kills two birds with one stone.
Walking Brings Peace of Mind and Great Insights
If you are looking for a mental break in your daily routine, walking is peaceful and relaxing. If you are walking outside – which I highly recommend as much as possible – being around nature has a way of changing your perspective. That project that you are worried about, the one that you have no idea how to get started on, it suddenly seems much clearer to you. Walking is also used as a form of meditation. I don’t know why it works, but when you are alone and moving on autopilot (hopefully you don’t have to think about putting one foot in front of the other ) creative thoughts and insights just seem to come to you.
“All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.” Friedrich Nietzsche
Last Thoughts…
If you are a runner and you love to run and you find it beneficial, then don’t stop. But, if you are a runner and you find yourself making excuses for why you can’t (read: don’t want to) run or you hate running to begin with or you’re just looking for some peace and calm, consider walking. You can burn calories, spend time in nature, and become more mindful all at the same time while taking a break from work. No pain, all gain.
Be Courageous
cour age n. The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery. – American Heritage Dictionary
What do you think of when you hear the word “Courage”? Heroes? Saving all of mankind and the Earth? Truthfully, being courageous is much more ordinary than that. Acts of courage happen everyday, by ordinary people and no matter how small they are, they are still powerful acts. Use courage when making decisions, and your life will be much richer and fulfilling.
Everyone Has the Capacity to Be More Courageous
Start Small – Acts of courage are still courageous even if they are small. Don’t discount them – in fact, they are the starting point for consistently being a courageous person. What are the little things you are afraid of? Are you afraid to be more assertive with customer service representatives on the phone? Are you afraid to go into the free-weights area at the gym? Start small – but make sure you start.
Practice Courage – Just like any other skill, courage can be practiced. If you begin to consistently make decisions with courage, you will get better at being courageous. And, your acts of courage will get bigger as you continue. It’s not that life will be any less scary, it’s that you will have more experience in managing your fear.
Remember that Courage is Relative to Your Own Fears and Abilities - Your use of courage will be different from others, because courage is relative to your life. What you are afraid of is not what others are afraid of. Courage will look different from person to person. Just remember that you have the ability to handle anything that comes your way, but what’s coming your way will be different from the next person.
Sorrow is a fruit. God does not allow it to grow on a branch that is too weak to bear it. – Victor Hugo
Courage Supports Growth, Fear Supports Stagnation
There are two ways to make decisions in life – by using courage or by using fear. It’s easy to make decisions using fear, because when we do it appears that we are choosing security and safety. The catch is that we are also choosing to stand still. When we make decisions using courage, we are choosing growth and creativity. And even when our courageous choices are painful, the growth that it brings is highly fulfilling.
Along the path of our life, our fears are locked gates that stand in our way. Courage is the key that unlocks the gate so you can continue on your way. What’s great is that the key is always with you, but if you choose not to use it you will be stuck, never continuing along past the gate.
Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature…Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. – Helen Keller
The reason that courage is such a hard choice to make is because courage always involves some kind of pain. Choices based on fear seem to be an easier choice, because they involve avoiding pain. But the paradox is that the avoidance of pain only brings you more of it. While courage is feeling pain and understanding that you can still survive, fear is avoiding pain and realizing that you are no longer living.
What do you think of when you hear the word “Courage”? Heroes? Saving all of mankind and the Earth? Truthfully, being courageous is much more ordinary than that. Acts of courage happen everyday, by ordinary people and no matter how small they are, they are still powerful acts. Use courage when making decisions, and your life will be much richer and fulfilling.
Everyone Has the Capacity to Be More Courageous
Start Small – Acts of courage are still courageous even if they are small. Don’t discount them – in fact, they are the starting point for consistently being a courageous person. What are the little things you are afraid of? Are you afraid to be more assertive with customer service representatives on the phone? Are you afraid to go into the free-weights area at the gym? Start small – but make sure you start.
Practice Courage – Just like any other skill, courage can be practiced. If you begin to consistently make decisions with courage, you will get better at being courageous. And, your acts of courage will get bigger as you continue. It’s not that life will be any less scary, it’s that you will have more experience in managing your fear.
Remember that Courage is Relative to Your Own Fears and Abilities - Your use of courage will be different from others, because courage is relative to your life. What you are afraid of is not what others are afraid of. Courage will look different from person to person. Just remember that you have the ability to handle anything that comes your way, but what’s coming your way will be different from the next person.
Sorrow is a fruit. God does not allow it to grow on a branch that is too weak to bear it. – Victor Hugo
Courage Supports Growth, Fear Supports Stagnation
There are two ways to make decisions in life – by using courage or by using fear. It’s easy to make decisions using fear, because when we do it appears that we are choosing security and safety. The catch is that we are also choosing to stand still. When we make decisions using courage, we are choosing growth and creativity. And even when our courageous choices are painful, the growth that it brings is highly fulfilling.
Along the path of our life, our fears are locked gates that stand in our way. Courage is the key that unlocks the gate so you can continue on your way. What’s great is that the key is always with you, but if you choose not to use it you will be stuck, never continuing along past the gate.
Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature…Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold. – Helen Keller
The reason that courage is such a hard choice to make is because courage always involves some kind of pain. Choices based on fear seem to be an easier choice, because they involve avoiding pain. But the paradox is that the avoidance of pain only brings you more of it. While courage is feeling pain and understanding that you can still survive, fear is avoiding pain and realizing that you are no longer living.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Cara Mengubah Pikiran Negatif Anak
Bagaimana jika anak sudah kadung berpola pikir negatif? Tak ada kata terlambat. Sekalipun tidak mudah, apalagi jika anak sudah beranjak remaja, namun pola pikir negatif tetap bisa diubah. Konselor Anindita Budhi T, SPsi memberikan tipsnya. Anda tak perlu khawatir, meski hasil survei terhadap 3.000 anak usia sekolah menunjukkan 80 persen dari mereka berpikiran negatif. Survei ini diadakan Pusat Intelegensia Kesehatan terhadap anak sekolah di Indonesia.
1. Butuh kesadaran dan penerimaan dari orangtua.
Coba telusuri, apakah sepanjang pertumbuhan dan perkembangan anak ada faktor yang membuatnya berpikiran negatif. Baik faktor peran orangtua, figur penting lainnya, maupun lingkungan. Bisa saja ada peristiwa tertentu yang memicu terbentknya pola pikir negatif.
Banyak yg mengatakan perilaku dan pola pikir anak terbentuk dari lingkungan, selidiki dulu agar dapat diketahui penyebabnya.
2. Ajak anak berbicara tentang dirinya sendiri.
Ajak anak menggali kelebihan yang ia miliki, hal-hal yang masih perlu ia tingkatkan lagi, dan apa saja yang bisa ia lakukan untuk menolong orang lain. Cara ini bisa membantu anak menemukan lagi konsep diri sekaligus membentuk persepsi dirinya secara positif. Yakinkan anak bahwa setiap anak itu unik, spesial, dan memiliki kelebihan yang tidak dimiliki anak lainnya. Anak usia sekolah dapat diajak bicara demikian.
Cari tau apa bakat dan kelebihan yg dimiliki anak sehingga dapat diarahkan agar menjadi lebih positif dan lebih baik.
3.Sampaikan pada anak, ia bisa menjadi yang terbaik versi dirinya sendiri.
Contoh, nilai ulangan bahasa Inggris temannya lebih bagus daripada nilai yang diperoleh anak. Namun nilai yang anak peroleh merupakan hasil usaha terbaiknya. Sampaikan pada anak, itulah hasil yang ia capai dengan usahanya sendiri. Jadi, ia juga harus bangga dengan apa yang telah ia raih.
Hargai setiap hasil yg dicapai oleh anak, jangan menganggap dia gagal, karena dari situ lah anak akan mengerti itu lah hasil yg dia capai dari perjuangannya sendiri, bukan dari hasil orang lain.
4.Berikan pujian secara tulus pada hal sekecil apapun yang dilakukan.
Sekalipun anak hanya mengambilkan barang yang Anda minta, misal, Anda tetap harus mengucapkan terima kasih sebagai bentuk penghargaan atas kebaikannya. Begitu pula jika anak membantu Anda mengerjakan pekerjaan rumah tangga, pujilah hasil kerjanya itu. Tak hanya itu, saat anak bercerita tentang apa yang ia alami seharian di sekolah, Anda perlu mendengarkan dan memerhatikannya. Hal-hal yang tampak sederhana inilah yang justru menjadi poin terpenting dalam membentuk pola pikir positif. Pasalnya, ketika anak mendapat respons dan tanggapan positif dari orangtua, ia akan merasa disayangi, diperhatikan, dan dihargai. Pada akhirnya, ia tahu bahwa dirinya sangat berharga.
Suatu penghargaan yg diberikan terhadap tindakan² positif dari anak akan membuat mereka merasa dipntingkan dan dihargai.
Bagaimana Cara Yang Tepat Untuk MEMUJI Anak?
5.Orangtua perlu bersikap konsisten terhadap setiap perilaku dan ucapan.
Anak selalu menempatkan orangtua sebagai contoh, role model. Jika orangtua mampu menjadi pribadi yang positif dan punya persepsi diri yang positif pula, anak akan melihat ini sebagai contoh. Bukan berarti orangtua tak boleh mengekspresikan emosi negatifnya. Yang penting, jangan lakukan di depan anak, terlebih jika si anak belum mampu memahaminya. Jadi, seperti halnya ketika ibu dan ayah bertengkar, lakukanlah di tempat tertutup dan tidak di depan anak. Atau, tunjukkan kematangan Anda sebagai orangtua dengan menyikapi emosi negatif secara tenang.
Sekali lagi, anak berlajar dari apa yg dia lihat. Jangan tunjukan hal² yg negatif kepada anak. Usahakan untuk menghindari hal tersebut agar tidak membuat anak bingung ketika kita menanamkan pikiran positif tetapi kita berperilaku negatif didepannya.
Memotret bayi ibarat memotret hewan di alam liar. Mereka punya sejuta ekpresi dan gerakan bagus, tetapi anda harus sabar menunggunya. Ada beberapa faktor penting saat memotret bayi, simak triknya agar anda bisa jadi fotografer handal untuk si kecil.
◄KAMERA DAN SETELANNYA►
Gunakan kamera jenis dslr atau digital single-lens reflex untuk menghasilan foto-foto yang bagus. Keunggulan kamera dslr:
- Kamera dslr mampu mengabadikan adegan dengan cepat dan tanpa jeda. Ini tidak seperti kamera digital pocket yang saat tombol kameranya dipencet, terjadi jeda waktu sepersekian detik sebelum gambar diambil - shutter lag.
- Saat memotret di dalam ruangan, asa/iso bisa dinaikkan sampai 6400 agar anda tidak perlu menggunakan flash. Flash dapat mengganggu bayi karena kilat cahayanya memaksa pupil mata bayi membesar. Jika ingin menggunakan flash di ruangan, nyalakan dulu lampu ruangan sehingga pupil mata bayi membesar untuk menyesuaikan dengan nyala lampu. Dengan begitu, mata bayi telah beradaptasi saat terpapar flash kamera.
- Saat ini teknologi kamera dslr sudah maju dan harganya semakin murah. Kecanggihan teknologi kamera dslr keluaran 4 tahun lalu dibanding keluaran tahun ini, berbeda jauh. Kamera terbaru memiliki sensor gambar, karakter dan kontras warna lebih bagus, sehingga memotret jadi semakin menyenangkan.
- Kamera dslr model terbaru memiliki asa hingga 32.000 sehingga sanggup menghasilkan gambar yang sangat berkualitas. Untuk foto dokumentasi keluarga, asa/iso 6400 cukup dalam menghasilkan gambar ukuran 5r.
- Gunakan setelan “manual”, bukan “auto” dan pastikan shutter tinggi agar bisa menghasilkan gambar-gambar yang freeze, atau tidak kabur.
- Gunakan lensa normal hingga medium tele. Jangan gunakan lensa wide atau lebar sebab dapat membuat bagian tubuh bayi terdistorsi, misalnya kepala atau kakinya jadi besar.
◄BUNDA DAN AYAH FOTOGRAFER►
- Bergeraklah sigap dan cepat untuk memotret bayi karena bayi juga bergerak dengan cepat. Tetapi anda juga harus sabar, dalam arti siap menunggu momen terbaik.
- Pegang terus kamera dan intip terus bayi dari lubang kamera, tunggu sampai dia beraksi. Bila ada adegan bagus, jepret sebanyak-banyaknya.
- Jangan memotret saat anda sendirian agar anda bisa memotret bayi dengan leluasa. Anda butuh orang dewasa lainnya untuk menjaga bayi, mengarahkan bayi, atau ikut menjadi obyek foto, misalnya dengan menggendong atau membimbing bayi berjalan.
- Ambil gambar dari berbagai angle. Ada foto bayi yang adegannya tampak bagus, ada yang biasa-biasa saja, mengapa? Kuncinya adalah angle atau sudut pengambilan gambar.
- Untuk lebih menguasai teknik memotret ikuti mini workshop fotografi, yang saat ini banyak diadakan dengan menghadirkan instruktur fotografer profesional.
◄BAYI►
- Semua bayi pada dasarnya lucu, meski pun tubuhnya kurus, rambutnya tipis atau kulitnya gelap. Tinggal bagaimana kejelian anda mengabadikan momen terbaiknya dan memilih angle.
- Semua aktivitas bayi menarik untuk difoto, misalnya ketika dia sedang makan, mandi, bermain, atau tidur.
- Foto bayi harus natural. Sebelum difoto, bayi tidak perlu didandani berlebihan, misalnya wajahnya dibedaki, bibirnya dipulas lipstick, rambutnya ditata, dipakaikan bando besar, atau pakaiannya kelewat rapi. Ini menghasilkan foto yang tidak natural.
- Jangan sampai ekspresi bayi tenggelam oleh benda-benda atau warna-warni di sekitarnya. Kenakan pakaian polos, berwarna putih atau warna lembut. Singkirkan benda-benda di dekat bayi, seperti boneka atau bantal, ganti sepreinya dengan motif polos jika bayi difoto saat tidur.
- Momen bagus dapat dipancing atau diciptakan. Buatlah bayi tertawa, berteriak atau menggerak-gerakkan tangan, dengan memanggil namanya atau menggoyangkan mainan dalam jarak pandang matanya.
Polah tingkah bayi selalu menarik untuk diamati dan diabadikan. Mulai dia hadir di dunia hingga bertumbuh kembang. Ayo ambil kamera untuk mengabadikannya. Jangan biarkan momen-moment berharga terlewatkan.
- Sedang IMD atau inisiasi menyusu dini: ambil foto dengan angle eye level, saat bayi mengangkat muka atau menoleh ke arah anda.
- Di inkubator: jangan gunakan flash karena mungkin membahayakan bayi, selain itu cahaya akan memantul dari kaca inkubator. Foto diambil sejajar dengan inkubator, eye level dengan bayi. Foto ini akan menjadi dokumentasi yang sangat berharga.
- Di dalam boks: buka salah satu pagar boks agar bisa memotret dalam angle eye level. Memotret dari atas kurang bagus karena bidang sempit. Jangan tergoda untuk menggunakan lensa wide agar seluruh tubuh bayi masuk ke dalam frame. Ini dapat mengakibatkan distorsi - salah satu bagian tubuh bayi tampak lebih besar
- Tidur di ranjang: jika bayi tidur telentang, foto dari arah atas. Anda berdiri di ranjang atau menggunakan tangga. Jika posisi tidur miring, foto dari arah sejajar tempat tidur, eye level. Posisi bayi dapat direkayasa agar lebih lucu, misalnya, perlahan-lahan kita pindahkan tangannya ke muka seperti orang sedang menopang dagu.
- Momen baptis: di acara ini bayi digendong orangtuanya dan di kanan kiri bayi banyak orang dewasa. Fokus foto harus ke bayi dan orang di kanan kirinya tidak penting. Naiklah ke atas kursi agar bisa mendapat angle agak tinggi, sehingga wajah bayi terlihat. Jangan memotret dalam angle sejajar.
- Di stroller: stroller dapat menenggelamkan tubuh bayi. Tidak usah memasukkan seluruh stroller ke dalam frame. Fokus pada bayi saja, dudukkan dia menyender, angle dari depan, eye level.
- Belajar berjalan: angle dari depan. Anda duduk atau tiarap di depan bayi, eye level dan jepret terus adegan dia melangkahkan kaki, sambil sesekali jatuh. Minta bantuan orang dewasa untuk menitah bayi.
- Bermain: ambil gambar dengan cara mencuri-curi dan bayi tidak perlu dipanggil untuk menoleh ke arah anda. Saat ia sedang asyik bermain di pekarangan, fotolah diam-diam dengan menggunakan lensa panjang atau tele sehingga anda bisa mendapatkan gambar-gambar indah dan hidup ala bidikan paparazzi.
10 Cara Membuat Balita Cerdas
ANAK BALITA punya kemampuan luar biasa untuk menyerap kepandaian dan informasi baru dibandingkan anak yang berusia lebih tua. Penelitian menunjukkan, mengenalkan pada kegiatan membaca, bahasa, dan matematika sejak usia balita, akan membuat mereka lebih mudah menangkap pelajaran tersebut nantinya.
Berikut sejumlah cara yang bisa mendorong serta melatih mereka agar memiliki otak cerdas.
- Mengajak bicara. Ceritakan tentang apa saja padanya. Yang jelas, anak jadi tahu, dia merupakan pusat perhatian Anda. Hal ini akan mendukungnya di dalam perkembangan pengetahuan bahasa dan pemikirannya.
- Pilih buku anak-anak dengan huruf yang besar dan gambar yang jelas. Hal ini akan menolong anak mengerti apa yang mereka lihat dan juga pelan-pelan belajar membaca kata.
- Beli kaset/VCD/DVD berbahasa asing. Akan lebih mudah untuk anak balita menangkap bahasa asing daripada di kemudian hari.
- Beli software komputer untuk anak balita. Banyak software yang melatih kemahiran menggunakan keyboard karena sebelum berusia 2,5 tahun anak cenderung sulit menggunakan mouse.
- Beli huruf abjad yang terbuat dari plastik dan simpan di kamar mandi. Setiap kali mandi, perkenalkan huruf baru dan lakukan berulang-ulang hingga anak hafal. Dengan cara itu, pelan-pelan anak akan mulai belajar adanya hubungan antara berbicara dan menulis di dalam bahasa.
- Selalu lakukan pengulangan. Banyak orang tua merasa frustrasi jika anaknya berulang-ulang membaca satu halaman di buku yang sama atau menonton film/VCD yang itu-itu saja. Jangan sebal dan panik! Ini merupakan suatu bagian penting di mana anak mengenal proses informasi.
- Beli huruf-huruf dan angka-angka yang terbuat dari magnet. Hal ini memungkinkan anak bermain sambil belajar di depan lemari es. Kenalkan kata-kata yang baru setiap minggu.
- Bacakan satu cerita setiap hari. Baca dengan intonasi dan ekspresi seperti kita sedang bermain drama.
- Ingat, pendidikan jasmani berhubungan langsung dengan pendidikan akademis. Penelitian menunjukkan, perkembangan otak juga berhubungan erat dengan pendidikan jasmani, seperti merangkak sebelum usia 1 tahun. Jika Anda dan si balita sering melakukan aneka kegiatan olahraga bersama, ini dapat menambah perkembangan fisik serta otak anak. Entah itu berlari-lari, naik kuda, berenang, dan lainnya.
- Beli satu set pelajaran dan pendidikan untuk anak balita. Termasuk di dalamnya buku-buku, video, kaset, dan bagaimana caranya mengajarkannya. Baca dan belajarlah berdua anak. Membeli ensiklopedia bergambar khusus untuk anak pun tak ada salahnya.
Bagaimana Cara Yang Tepat Untuk Memuji Anak?
Kebanyakan orang tua pasti senang memuji dan membanggakan anaknya. Namun, beberapa pujian atau cara memuji yg diberikan orang tua terkadang kurang efektif dan kurang tepat sasaran. Bagaimana sih pujian yang tepat itu, agar berdampak positif bagi si kecil dan bukan sebaliknya? Ikuti beberapa petunjuk di bawah ini.
- Harus Lebih Spesifik
Anak menggambar sebuah bunga. Gambar itu bagus sehingga Anda merasa perlu memujinya. Tetapi, jangan katakan, "Gambar itu bagus!". Perhatikan dulu gambarnya dengan cermat. Pilih bagian terbaik dari gambar itu. Bunganya yang berwarna merah, misalnya. Maka katakan, "Bunganya yang merah bagus sekali. Mama suka!"
Kalimat Anda akan memicunya untuk menggambar lebih baik, sehingga Anda tidak hanya memuji bunga yang merah saja, tetapi juga daunnya, bunga yang kuning dan semua yang ada di gambar itu.
- Di Depan Orang Lain
Karena semua orang menyukai pujian, ada baiknya pujian pada si kecil juga tidak hanya diberikan saat dia sendirian. Berikan juga ketika dia sedang bersama yang lain, misalnya ayahnya, gurunya, om dan tantenya. Tetapi gunakan cara yang tidak terlalu langsung. Contohnya, "Ayah sudah melihat gambarmu yang bagus tadi? Coba tunjukkan, pasti komentar Ayah akan sama dengan komentar Ibu tadi!"
- Iringi Dengan Perhatian
Agar pujian Anda membuat si kecil lebih termotivasi, barengi dengan perhatian, jadi jangan sekedar memuji. Misalnya, si kecil berhasil mengayuh sepedanya tanpa jatuh. Pujilah! "Bagus! Berarti anak Mama sudah besar ya!"
Hari berikutnya, saat melihat dia bersiap-siap dengan sepedanya, luangkan waktu Anda untuk melihat sendiri kemampuannya. Di tengah dia bersepeda, acungkan kedua jempol Anda sambil memujinya, sekali lagi. Maka si kecil akan semakin bersemangat.
- Hargai Usahanya
Saat anak berhasil menuliskan namanya sendiri, meski belum sempurna, Anda perlu memberikan penghargaan yang lebih dari sekedar kata pujian. Misalnya, "Ayo kita tempel di lemari es. Biar semua orang tahu kalau anak Mama sudah pintar menulis!". Kesediaan Anda memamerkan karyanya itu kepada yang lain, akan membuat si kecil lebih bersemangat dalam meningkatkan kemampuan tulisnya.
- Pilih Positifnya
Si kecil mulai bisa memakai celana sendiri, tetapi belum bisa mengenakan kaosnya. Maka pujilah kemampuannya mengenakan celana sendiri itu saja. Jangan singgung-singgung soal ketidakmampuannya memakai kaos sendiri.
Atau katakanlah, "Pintarnya Anak Ibu, sudah bisa pakai celana sendiri. Jangan lupa kaosnya ya!". Ini lebih baik daripada, "Kenapa tidak sekalian dengan kaosnya?" Kalimat yang terakhir ini akan membuatnya merasa 'kecil' dan belum layak dipuji. Kasihan kan?
- Pujian Tanpa Syarat
Pujian yang baik adalah yang diberikan tanpa embel-embel, tanpa syarat. Jangan memuji dengan kalimat, "Mama akan lebih bangga kalau kamu juga bisa pakai kaos sendiri. Biar nggak Cuma pakai celananya saja."
Cara Mengenali Pembohong di Sekitar Anda
Berbohong merupakan salah satu perilaku tak baik yang paling umum dilakukan oleh semua orang baik orang tua atau anak muda, bahkan anak kecilpun bisa berbohong. Terkadang sebagian orang menutupi kebiasaan berbohong itu dengan alasan mereka berbohong putih alias berbohong demi kebaikan.
Dalam percintaan, kehidupan bisnis, politik dan kehidupan sehari-hari, sangat penting sekali untuk dapat mengidentifikasi perbedaan antara kebohongan dan kejujuran. Sebenarnya, sangat sulit untuk mengetahui apakah seseorang itu berbohong atau tidak. Beberapa orang bisa berbohong dengan amat mudah seperti mereka mengatakan hal sebenarnya.
Namun, anda harus mampu memahami apakah seseorang yang berbicara dengan anda itu berbohong atau tidak. Kalau tidak, anda akan mudah ditipu oleh orang lain. Satu masalahnya adalah bagaimana cara anda tahu mereka berbohong atau tidak?
Dari semua perilaku manusia, mungkin berbohong adalah salah satu yang sulit dideteksi. Namun, ada beberapa hal yang dapat membantu anda cara mendeteksi ketika seseorang berbohong, antara lain:
* Gugup. Berbohong memiliki gejala yang hampir sama dengan ketegangan. Dalam berbagai situasi ketika kita berniat untuk berbohong, kita dapat merasa gugup, saat mencoba menutupi kesalahan. Cara mudahnya yaitu mengetahui sifat dasar seseorang kemudian mengetahui perbedaannya. Jika seseorang biasanya terlihat santai, kemudian tiba-tiba sering berkedip dan melakukan gerakan mata yang tidak biasa, menjilat lidah dan menyentuh wajah dapat dijadikan ciri-ciri seseorang sedang berbohong.
* Perhatikan bahasa tubuh. Amati bahasa tubuh gestur yang tampak menutupi bagian tertentu dari wajah atau tubuh. Menyentuh hidung merupakan ciri khas dari gejala ketegangan. Saat Bill Clinton bersaksi di depan juri mengenai hubungannya dengan Monica Lewinsky, tubuhnya secara alami melakukan bahasa tubuh yang normal ketika menjawab dengan benar. Namun, ketika dia dipaksa lebih jauh mengenai hal itu, dia tampak menyentuh hidungnya setiap empat menit. Totalnya, sekitar 26 kali.
* Gelisah berlebihan. Perhatikan jika seseorang yang anda curigai berbohong, menggaruk atau menggesek pakaiannya. Jika anda tengah berbohong dan ingin menutupinya, kontrol pandangan anda dan tempatkan tangan anda dengan tenang tanpa terlihat tidak alami.
* Senyum berlebihan. Di samping dari tampilan menyeringai khas pembohong, studi menemukan orang tersenyum lebih banyak ketika mereka mengatakan yang sebenarnya.
* Percaya pada naluri anda. Seringkali kita bisa mendeteksi seseorang berbohong secara intuisi dibandingkan secara ilmiah. Mungkin benar jika pepatah kuno mengatakan, jika anda mencurigai seseorang berbohong, mungkin anda benar.
* Anda akan melihat bahwa orang yang berbicara pada anda menghindari kontak mata. Matanya akan lebih sering berkedip atau berputar ke arah lain. Hal ini mengindikasikan kondisi mental yang tidak nyaman.
* Orang itu menunjukkan kebingungan saat berbicara. Saat dia berbohong, dia akan memikirkan tentang kesalahannya pada waktu yang sama. Hal ini akan mengganggu perhatiannya dalam percakapan tersebut.
* Seorang pembohong sering kali bicara dengan sangat cepat atau dalam kalimat-kalimat pendek. Dia mencoba untuk menyudahi situasi itu secepat mungkin.
* Jika anda mengawasi bahasa tubuh pembohong dengan cermat, anda akan melihat bahwa bahasa tubuhnya seperti bentuk proteksi diri. Orang itu mencoba untuk melindungi diri sendiri dengan tindakan tertentu seperti mundur ke belakang, menyilangkan lengannya, atau meremas tangan.
* Pembohong berpura-pura kebingungan dalam percakapan. Dia menciptakan kebingungan tersebut sehingga dia bisa mendengar pendapat orang lain dan menyetujui mereka.
* Kadang kala, pembohong menunjukkan perilaku yang berkebalikan. Dia ingin berkata tidak tapi dia menganggukkan kepalanya.
* Biasanya, pembohong tidak siap untuk mengatakan kebohongan tersebut. Saat dia berbohong mengenai sesuatu, hal itu tidak direncanakan sebelumnya. Karena itu, jika anda menanyakan sesuatu tentang detailnya, maka dia tidak akan mampu menjawab pertanyaan anda dengan tepat. Dia akan kebingungan dan kehilangan konsistensi percakapannya.
* Tawa yang berlebihan dan rasa setia kawan berlebihan bisa menjadi tanda penting kebohongan. Pembohong itu ingin berpura-pura menunjukkan bahwa dia adalah teman anda, sehingga anda akan mulai mempercayainya.
* Cara terbaik untuk meningkatkan kemampuan anda untuk menentukan apakah seseorang berbohong atau tidak adalah dengan mendengarkan dengan baik. Jika anda mendengarkan dengan baik apa yang dikatakannya, maka anda dapat dengan mudah menemukan ketidak konsistenan dalam pembicaraannya. Inilah salah satu cara efektif untuk mengetahui apakah mereka berbohong atau tidak.
* Juga terlihat jelas apabila seseorang mengatakan kebohongan, dia cenderung akan memberikan penjelasan yang tidak penting. Dia akan memberi terlalu banyak detail tentang situasinya.
* Saat pembohong mengetahui bahwa pendengarnya tahu akan kebohongannya, dia akan segera merasa tersinggung. Hal yang sama terjadi dalam kasus percakapan melalui telepon. Orang yang berbohong cenderung menutup telepon atau cepat-cepat mengubah topiknya.
* Pembohong biasanya, mengatakan sesuatu yang tidak dikerjakannya. Terkadang juga membesar-besarkan hasil usaha yang dilakukannya.
* Sekali berbohong, akan membuat kebohongan lagi untuk menutupi kebohongan sebelumnya. Smoke scree sering dilakukannya.
* Bila berjanji, sering mengingkari. Sewaktu ada butuhnya, dengan semangat yang menggebu-gebu memberikan harapan yang luar-biasa meyakinkan. Namun ketika hajatnya sudah di dapat, biasanya lupa akan janji manisnya.
Tidak ada kehormatan bagi para pembohong, setidaknya tidak patut dimuliakan.
Dengan mengetahui tanda-tanda semua itu, mudah-mudahan anda akan dengan mudah memahami apakah seseorang berbohong atau tidak dan melindungi diri anda agar terhindar dari tipuan atau mungkin rayuan gombalnya.
Dalam percintaan, kehidupan bisnis, politik dan kehidupan sehari-hari, sangat penting sekali untuk dapat mengidentifikasi perbedaan antara kebohongan dan kejujuran. Sebenarnya, sangat sulit untuk mengetahui apakah seseorang itu berbohong atau tidak. Beberapa orang bisa berbohong dengan amat mudah seperti mereka mengatakan hal sebenarnya.
Namun, anda harus mampu memahami apakah seseorang yang berbicara dengan anda itu berbohong atau tidak. Kalau tidak, anda akan mudah ditipu oleh orang lain. Satu masalahnya adalah bagaimana cara anda tahu mereka berbohong atau tidak?
Dari semua perilaku manusia, mungkin berbohong adalah salah satu yang sulit dideteksi. Namun, ada beberapa hal yang dapat membantu anda cara mendeteksi ketika seseorang berbohong, antara lain:
* Gugup. Berbohong memiliki gejala yang hampir sama dengan ketegangan. Dalam berbagai situasi ketika kita berniat untuk berbohong, kita dapat merasa gugup, saat mencoba menutupi kesalahan. Cara mudahnya yaitu mengetahui sifat dasar seseorang kemudian mengetahui perbedaannya. Jika seseorang biasanya terlihat santai, kemudian tiba-tiba sering berkedip dan melakukan gerakan mata yang tidak biasa, menjilat lidah dan menyentuh wajah dapat dijadikan ciri-ciri seseorang sedang berbohong.
* Perhatikan bahasa tubuh. Amati bahasa tubuh gestur yang tampak menutupi bagian tertentu dari wajah atau tubuh. Menyentuh hidung merupakan ciri khas dari gejala ketegangan. Saat Bill Clinton bersaksi di depan juri mengenai hubungannya dengan Monica Lewinsky, tubuhnya secara alami melakukan bahasa tubuh yang normal ketika menjawab dengan benar. Namun, ketika dia dipaksa lebih jauh mengenai hal itu, dia tampak menyentuh hidungnya setiap empat menit. Totalnya, sekitar 26 kali.
* Gelisah berlebihan. Perhatikan jika seseorang yang anda curigai berbohong, menggaruk atau menggesek pakaiannya. Jika anda tengah berbohong dan ingin menutupinya, kontrol pandangan anda dan tempatkan tangan anda dengan tenang tanpa terlihat tidak alami.
* Senyum berlebihan. Di samping dari tampilan menyeringai khas pembohong, studi menemukan orang tersenyum lebih banyak ketika mereka mengatakan yang sebenarnya.
* Percaya pada naluri anda. Seringkali kita bisa mendeteksi seseorang berbohong secara intuisi dibandingkan secara ilmiah. Mungkin benar jika pepatah kuno mengatakan, jika anda mencurigai seseorang berbohong, mungkin anda benar.
* Anda akan melihat bahwa orang yang berbicara pada anda menghindari kontak mata. Matanya akan lebih sering berkedip atau berputar ke arah lain. Hal ini mengindikasikan kondisi mental yang tidak nyaman.
* Orang itu menunjukkan kebingungan saat berbicara. Saat dia berbohong, dia akan memikirkan tentang kesalahannya pada waktu yang sama. Hal ini akan mengganggu perhatiannya dalam percakapan tersebut.
* Seorang pembohong sering kali bicara dengan sangat cepat atau dalam kalimat-kalimat pendek. Dia mencoba untuk menyudahi situasi itu secepat mungkin.
* Jika anda mengawasi bahasa tubuh pembohong dengan cermat, anda akan melihat bahwa bahasa tubuhnya seperti bentuk proteksi diri. Orang itu mencoba untuk melindungi diri sendiri dengan tindakan tertentu seperti mundur ke belakang, menyilangkan lengannya, atau meremas tangan.
* Pembohong berpura-pura kebingungan dalam percakapan. Dia menciptakan kebingungan tersebut sehingga dia bisa mendengar pendapat orang lain dan menyetujui mereka.
* Kadang kala, pembohong menunjukkan perilaku yang berkebalikan. Dia ingin berkata tidak tapi dia menganggukkan kepalanya.
* Biasanya, pembohong tidak siap untuk mengatakan kebohongan tersebut. Saat dia berbohong mengenai sesuatu, hal itu tidak direncanakan sebelumnya. Karena itu, jika anda menanyakan sesuatu tentang detailnya, maka dia tidak akan mampu menjawab pertanyaan anda dengan tepat. Dia akan kebingungan dan kehilangan konsistensi percakapannya.
* Tawa yang berlebihan dan rasa setia kawan berlebihan bisa menjadi tanda penting kebohongan. Pembohong itu ingin berpura-pura menunjukkan bahwa dia adalah teman anda, sehingga anda akan mulai mempercayainya.
* Cara terbaik untuk meningkatkan kemampuan anda untuk menentukan apakah seseorang berbohong atau tidak adalah dengan mendengarkan dengan baik. Jika anda mendengarkan dengan baik apa yang dikatakannya, maka anda dapat dengan mudah menemukan ketidak konsistenan dalam pembicaraannya. Inilah salah satu cara efektif untuk mengetahui apakah mereka berbohong atau tidak.
* Juga terlihat jelas apabila seseorang mengatakan kebohongan, dia cenderung akan memberikan penjelasan yang tidak penting. Dia akan memberi terlalu banyak detail tentang situasinya.
* Saat pembohong mengetahui bahwa pendengarnya tahu akan kebohongannya, dia akan segera merasa tersinggung. Hal yang sama terjadi dalam kasus percakapan melalui telepon. Orang yang berbohong cenderung menutup telepon atau cepat-cepat mengubah topiknya.
* Pembohong biasanya, mengatakan sesuatu yang tidak dikerjakannya. Terkadang juga membesar-besarkan hasil usaha yang dilakukannya.
* Sekali berbohong, akan membuat kebohongan lagi untuk menutupi kebohongan sebelumnya. Smoke scree sering dilakukannya.
* Bila berjanji, sering mengingkari. Sewaktu ada butuhnya, dengan semangat yang menggebu-gebu memberikan harapan yang luar-biasa meyakinkan. Namun ketika hajatnya sudah di dapat, biasanya lupa akan janji manisnya.
Tidak ada kehormatan bagi para pembohong, setidaknya tidak patut dimuliakan.
Dengan mengetahui tanda-tanda semua itu, mudah-mudahan anda akan dengan mudah memahami apakah seseorang berbohong atau tidak dan melindungi diri anda agar terhindar dari tipuan atau mungkin rayuan gombalnya.
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